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I think I may be asexual

L

lonely23

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It actually makes sense with alot of things that are going on in my life or not going on so to speak. I mean I don't want to have sex and I don't know why, I have "urges" just like everybody else but when I actually get the chance to do it with another person I don't want to anymore. I've fucked a guy before and it felt good but while I was doing it I didn't feel excited nor did I feel disgusted from what I was doing. Most recently I met a guy I was chatting with online and we went to see a movie which after we talked for hours mostly about relationships and other stuff and at one point he asked me if I liked sex and I wanted to tell him then but I couldn't and I made something up. Anyway eventually he started to make his move and he kissed me which was the first time I kissed a guy or anybody for that matter. But to me the feeling of his tongue in my mouth was actually disgusting but I didn't stop him because I was hoping at some point it would get better and I would actually like it. I don't know if it was just the guy or if i don't like being kissed but we did some "other stuff" that night mostlly touching and he said I was shaking but I didn't notice it.

I think I actually lack alot of emotion that other people feel I mean I get happy and sad and horny just like everybody else but it doesn't happen as often as it does with other people which is causing me alot of trouble and pain in my life when I want to have a relationship with somebody even as a friend but I can't b/c somehow this always gets in the way. Ironically it was someone up here on jub who first questioned me being asexual and when I looked it up online alot of what is said about asexual people applies to me and i don't know what to do to fix it.

I want to be happy like everybody else, I want to have friends and girlfriends and do all the things normal guys my age do but I don't see that happening... I just want to know what I can do to make my life better. Thanks for reading.
 
The best thing to do in situations that involve both action (or inaction) and your thoughts and feelings regarding them is to see a professional. This is where a good therapist could help you sort out your issues. As for the emotions regarding the sex your have had, it may mean you need an emotional connection. We are all wired differently. Some may be ok or even seem to need anonymous sex, while others need some sort of connection. Depression affects sex drive as so some physical conditions. These are questions that require self-discovery and some professional input especially if you are making negative judgements about yourself. You may want to start with a helpline and get a referral. Good luck to you. I'm glad you found JUB and glad you asked your question.
 
I don't usually post to often, but I thought I should reply to you.

I am actually asexual also. If you are asexual it is because you were born that way and nothing can change you. It would be like trying to cure a homosexual, it is just not possible.

You're not alone, studies have shown that at least 1% of people are asexual (That means over one million people in this country alone).

If you need someone to talk to that can relate to what you are going thru, message me. I have been there thinking that there was something "wrong" with me or that I would never find someone to date.

Also, check out asexuality .org, it is a good resource of information!

I hope this helps some :D
 
Yes, talk to a professional.

If you're shaking while being intimate with someone, that doesn't sound like someone who has no interest in intimacy: it sounds like someone afraid of intimacy, and that seems like a completely different issue.

(I am not a therapist.)
 
Start with seeing your family doctor. There are conditions like hypothyroidism and low testosterone levels that can cause the feelings that you describe.

Once the physical causes have been ruled out, then as the others have suggested, work with a therapist to determine why you have these feelings (or in some case, lack of feelings).
 
Hey you're not alone. I don't believe i am asexual, but i do feel that i have a lack of enjoyment out of sex and desire to have sex with my boyfriend. It's not that i don't love him, but i just view the importance of a relationship as companionship and everything else falls somewhere down the tree. At the same time i've always loved porn so i agree with an earlier comment that intimacy problems may be the cause of mine and possibly yours.

I do second that seeking professional help is a good thing. Don't see it as admitting to a problem, but rather finding out why you are who you are. It's not a bad thing. :-)
 
I second that you see your family doc.

And then book some counselling time and try to find out why you are disassociative.
 
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