I think I need help...

[Maelstrom]

Ok saw the doctor today, 2 hrs ago actually.
She said I'm borderline on being put in a hospital to make sure I don't do anything stupid.
I don't feel better by talking to her, if anything it made me feel worse and I'm not entirely sure why. But she told me that this problem is very serious and I need to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. She has prescribed me Zoloft. She says it can help very quickly with the whole suicidal thoughts. But 2 weeks or more is needed for the medication to come into effect full swing.

The whole event wasn't quite what I expected. She was very nice and asked just the questions needed to find if I was just stressed or I really needed help. It wasn't pleasant talking about these things (no I didn't mention the whole gay thing) But it wasn't as bad as I envisioned.

If anyone else is even close to what I am experiencing Just go see a doctor. They know what to do and what questions to ask. Without prying too much. It is not as bad as you think it will be.

I will keep posting on here, maybe my experience will help others deal with their own issues. That is the one thing I can hope for to come out of this mess.
Later,

 

[G-Lexington]

I was put on anti-depressants during my last bout with it last year. My case was considered to be "mild" (although it sure as hell didn't FEEL mild), and so I was prescribed a mild anti-depressant. But like Zoloft, it took a week or so before it kicked in. Not much in the way of side effects (tinnitus in my right ear about 20 minutes after taking it, and a rather "vague" feeling for about an hour after that), but still, it was annoying to get the side effects before the actual benefit.

Why so slow? Well, your brain's a pretty complex and delicate organ. You don't want to try shoving it back into place - you want to nudge it gently.

Lex

 

[Fishstix]

I'm glad to hear that you're taking steps in the right directions. Keep us updated with updates when they come, we'd like to hear.

 

[tallguy297]

Congrats mate on an awesome first step!

Although I know it seemed like just something else, the next time you see her, please mention the "gay thing"... it will explain so many things to her that right now she's struggling with.

As much as depression is a medical condition ie a chemical imbalance that the drugs will help correct, any medical practitioner will try very hard to find an underlying psychological or emotional reason that might factor into it or trigger it or add to keeping you in that state.

At the moment shes missing a fairly big piece in the puzzle... and as shes looking for the reason you feel the way you do, she probably going to become very very cautious until she pieces it all together. I suspect thats why shes approached this so quickly and dramatically.

Give her the facts mate, I reckon you will almost see a sigh of relief on her face... it will give her at least something to work with. I know it may not be the only thing troubling you, but you can lessen your own suffering and help your doctor by opening up to her. She mate, is someone you can trust.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us... it means a lot... and believe me, you are not a mess... or alone.

 

[Mirage]

The whole event wasn't quite what I expected. She was very nice and asked just the questions needed to find if I was just stressed or I really needed help. It wasn't pleasant talking about these things (no I didn't mention the whole gay thing) But it wasn't as bad as I envisioned.

First of all, you did very good. I've been also in a dark time some years ago and it was my parents who've taken the first step for me. At first it seems to get worse but after a some weeks it's getting a whole lot better. Keep going and you'll be a new man!

Keep posting. We can give you a lot of support and maybe some advice. Hopefully it's getting better real soon.

 

[On The Edge]

awesome...u took the step to go see the doctor..it's a brave..& big one...keep us updated ....

 

[Lube]

Glad you saw a doctor and put the guns away.

And don't worry about your first post being a cry for help. That's what gets most people to stop lurking and actually post! I know that was true for me, too.

Lots of good advice from our fellow JUBbers here.

BTW, I'm also gay and atheist. Don't worry, there are lots of us. It's sort of like 2 comings out.

One question for you: are you financially independent? Could you live on your own?

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok saw the doctor today, 2 hrs ago actually.
She said I'm borderline on being put in a hospital to make sure I don't do anything stupid.
I don't feel better by talking to her, if anything it made me feel worse and I'm not entirely sure why. But she told me that this problem is very serious and I need to see a psychiatrist and a therapist. She has prescribed me Zoloft. She says it can help very quickly with the whole suicidal thoughts. But 2 weeks or more is needed for the medication to come into effect full swing.

The whole event wasn't quite what I expected. She was very nice and asked just the questions needed to find if I was just stressed or I really needed help. It wasn't pleasant talking about these things (no I didn't mention the whole gay thing) But it wasn't as bad as I envisioned.

One of the problems with the kind of depression that you're experiencing is that it is like having a black cloud over everything in your life. It drains you of energy. It makes it very difficult to sort through your thoughts. And it makes you feel very separated from people- especially if they don't understand what it feels like to be depressed.

Congrats on having the courage to talk with your physician. The first few days on antidepressants are a little strange as your body begins to adjust. As Lex said, it takes about a week to two weeks before you begin to feel a little light shining through the clouds.

Once the meds begin to kick in, then you should talk with a therapist. It will be easier to open up and focus on talking as the depression begins to lift.

One of the things that will need to be determined is whether your depression had a specific trigger or whether it is a seasonal issue or whether this is part of a natural mood cycle for you. That will determine the course of treatment in the future.

 

[spencer]

I had problems coming out to my first couple therapists (they weren't right for me) but when I found one that really helped me I did come out. Getting support was great and it helped when I came out to my family. I had anxiety problems not depression but the meds too about 3 weeks to kick in and it was like night and day. The cob webs in my head completely went away. Good luck man.

 

[Maelstrom]

Ok back again, and feeling better. Which is a good sign. 4th day on Zoloft, this stuff is weird, the side effects change everyday! Nothing serious but not what I expected either.
I sure don't feel courageous, I feel like a pansy. Going to the doc because I can't sort my own head. Then I can't tell her about the main issue.

I can tell I'm not back to normal yet though. I tried hanging out with my friends and I just didn't want to be there had to leave. I can't focus on conversations and homework Is nigh impossible. I hope it will settle down in the next few days. I had to drop my calculus class because of this. (Oh well) I have a race event tomorrow and I don't even want to go but I'm forcing myself to go. Hopefully it will brighten my mood.

Tallguy297: I might just yet, we will see. My insurance only covers one of the local therapists and he can't see me till the 10th of November. I see the Doc again on the 28th depending on what she asks and how I feel about it, will decide whether or not I tell her. (sorry I'm just not comfortable with the idea yet)

KaraBulut: I wish I knew what set it off but I don't have a clue. I wasn't stressed or hurt and the weather was fine. I'm gonna have to watch for any signs of it next time. hopefully it wont happen again.

Lube: my parents are actually against religion so it wasn't even an issue with them. which is lucky for me. I guess that's what it must be like to be raised in a gay friendly house. I wish I could be financially independent, I would move out asap.

I want to thank everyone for the kind words of encouragement and reassurance. It means a lot right now. I will keep posting this journey. It might help someone in the future.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I sure don't feel courageous, I feel like a pansy. Going to the doc because I can't sort my own head.

Let me throw the doctor metaphor at you again. Nobody EVER says "What a pansy. Had to go see the doctor because he couldn't heal his own broken leg." Everyone is well aware that when things get serious physically, you call in the doctor. And I think most people understand that that's the case with mental issues, as well. We can sort through the basic and simple problems, but when they become huge problems, it's best to call in for help. The stigma against therapy and mental health issues has diminished quite a bit over the past few decades. And I think that's all to the good.

Keep at it, and best of luck to you.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Ok back again, and feeling better. Which is a good sign. 4th day on Zoloft, this stuff is weird, the side effects change everyday! Nothing serious but not what I expected either.
I sure don't feel courageous, I feel like a pansy. Going to the doc because I can't sort my own head. Then I can't tell her about the main issue.

You would be surprised how many people see their doctor for anxiety or depression. It's just something that most people don't talk about. Perhaps if they did, people wouldn't be suffering alone, thinking that they are the only one.

The thought disorganization is part of the depression- it's one of the big signs. Zoloft is an SSRI. The normal side effects can be a feeling of euphoria, insomnia, changes in perception of temperature, slight nausea, sexual side effects- all are not unusual for the first week or so. It takes a few days for your body to adjust. One thing that I point out to people is that- with the exception of nausea- the side effects of the drug are not so much different than the symptoms of the depression.

I can tell I'm not back to normal yet though. I tried hanging out with my friends and I just didn't want to be there had to leave. I can't focus on conversations and homework Is nigh impossible. I hope it will settle down in the next few days. I had to drop my calculus class because of this. (Oh well) I have a race event tomorrow and I don't even want to go but I'm forcing myself to go. Hopefully it will brighten my mood.

It might be easier to spend time with friends one-on-one or in smaller groups. Don't be afraid to tell your close friends why you may seem a little out of sorts. These days, people are much more informed and understanding about such things- and it's better to tell them that you're a little off-kilter so that they don't take your behavior personally.

It's better you drop Calculus. Calculus can drive anyone to depression. It's probably the last thing you need at the moment.

KaraBulut: I wish I knew what set it off but I don't have a clue. I wasn't stressed or hurt and the weather was fine. I'm gonna have to watch for any signs of it next time. hopefully it wont happen again.

Sometimes it is part of the person's natural mood cycle. Sometimes it is there already and a stressor (eg school, relationship, death) makes it worse.

It is important to look for the signs the next time it happens in the future and to get treatment early.

 

[On The Edge]

I see the Doc again on the 28th depending on what she asks and how I feel about it, will decide whether or not I tell her. (sorry I'm just not comfortable with the idea yet)

hey..nice to know u doing a bit better...hopefully u can tell her soon..but whenever u comfortable..just remember she's there to help...& when u are ready to tell her..it will help to make it better...& getting to how u feeling ....

 

[Lube]

Why wouldn't you tell your doctor about the main issue (that you're gay)?

And atheistic parents probably have no problem with being gay.

Glad you feel we are helping. It helps just to talk about it and get it out, doesn't it?

 

[Maelstrom]

Yeah I haven't updated in awhile so I'm sorry about that. I'm still around and doing better. A lot have things have happened and I have made good progress. Maybe even too quick of progress. I'll just update here to let everyone know what is going on. (maybe I should start a different thread about getting help and recovery)

I'm on Zoloft medium dosage, I am currently seeing a therapist twice a week, She specializes in LGBT issues. I like her thus far (about 1 month) and we are trying to sort through the issues that I am having. She has diagnosed me with Dysthymia (chronic depression). I didn't even know what it was when she told me. But it sure explains a lot after reading up on it.

I came out to my parents about a month after posting on here. They accepted me unconditionally. So you guys were right. Thank you, I'm still in the closet to everyone else. That might not change for awhile, until I feel more comfortable with what I am.

In that type of depression you can not think clearly. I should have known my parents wouldn't care. But depression doesn't allow you to see things as they are. You only see the worst case scenario. So thank you all for the words of encouragement it truly means a lot.

I have signed up for classes for the spring semester, I'm working out 3x a week (Codeerror is very motivating) and I have applied to CSU Northridge. I wish everyone happy holidays and Thank you all for being so compassionate to a stranger, none the less.
Later,

 

[Audio Tech]

I just read your whole post.....

WOW! I am so glad you got help and found the courage to tell your parents. Congratulations!! It SEEMED a lot harder than it was, right?

I went through the same trials myself. I actually sleep with a gun next to me, so know where you were. I found this board in a moment of final desperation. It took ME 45 years to accept myself, AND to tell my family. Coming here was the first step, and it gave me the courage to move on. The rest happened pretty quickly after that.

I now feel good about myself, and my family (who were the LAST people I thought would accept me) had no problem at all with my being Gay. In fact, my Mom cried and wished I had told her when I was young, I could have saved myself so much pain.

So we all have a story to tell. I am very happy YOURS is turning out great as well.

I think everyone here has compassion for a stranger because none of us is a "stranger" here. We all have, or have had, the same problems.

As to coming out to everyone? Well, a few friends and my parents know. People who simply don't need to know, don't. That's all there's to it. "I" feel good. That's what counts. The only difference now is that if someone flat out asks me if I'm gay, I'll answer "yes", and feel fine about it.

Congrats on your journey, and keep posting anytime you feel like it. You are ALWAYS welcome here.

 

[crowboy]

Congratulations Maelstrom. I was wondering the other day about how you were going when someone confided in me they had chronic depression. I am very pleased that things are going well for you.

Another JUB success story.

Bloody marvelous I say.

 

[Chardius]

WOOHOO! Parents are the really hard one man, each coming out is a bit easier than the last. Good luck getting into University and welcome to the other side of the closet doors.

 

[On The Edge]

Congrats man!..& props to ur parents..they the hardest..& u got to do that 1st.......all the best..good to see u doing well..take care..