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I think I'm just bad at relationships...

S

scissors

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Okay, so I've been dating this one guy for about two months now. Personality-wise I couldn't custom build a more perfect person for myself. We have identical senses of humor, almost parallel interests, etc. There's just enough differences between us to keep things interesting. However, for God-knows-what-reason, I don't feel as strongly initially as I have in past relationships. Is there something between us? Most definitely. But its not as...intense as I expected it to be. I'm trying to locate WHY this is, and I can't figure it out. I honestly think that it might be purely physical: this guy is slightly overweight (not fat by any means) and I'm used to dating guys who are fit and lean. It's a more difficult transition than I would have thought. For me, there is no sense of "I want to throw you down in the bedroom because you're so incredibly attractive" feel to the relationship for me. He is very good looking naturally; I've seen pictures of him when he was toned and lean and I thought he was stunning. I know he feels self-conscious about the weight and is working to get rid of it, so it's not like I can bring it up to him without making him feel even more self-conscious. By now I probably sound super-shallow...I've been trying to decide if it's purely physical or if there is something more to it than on the surface level. As it stands, I have absolutely no idea. I want him in my life whether its as a boyfriend or just a regular friend. We have amazing conversations and always have fun together...I just have a feeling that if I were to break up with him, I'd regret it for the rest of my life. I have no idea what to do. He's perfect in almost every conceivable way (in every way that matters, at least) yet I don't feel as physically attracted or passionate towards as I have in the past...
 
My partner is on the round side. I don't have a thing for round guys, but I find HIM attractive. Because I love HIM. And since HE comes ina round package, I love that package.

If the sparks aren't there, don't force them. And don't fake them, either. If you like having sex with him, fine. If you don't, don't. It may not be his weight. He just may not attract you physically.

Lex
 
Sometimes "less passion" can be a good thing: for what it's worth, my longest relationships have been with those that I didn't feel "passionate" with at first -- however, the comfort level quickly made up for that.

"Great passion" can turn off very quickly.
 
ok so he is not perfect to your standards, but his standards incl you as the package you are. He is will and active in getting in shape. He does not need to do it for , he needs to do it for himself. We all have our imperfections some good and bad in all of us.

So when you met, you saw the person and liked him for a reason. You did not point out that it turned you off from the begining. So why make it a issue now if he makes you happy.
How do you know that in afew yrs you will not gain wieght? You dont know. He may lose and you gain.

There are so many quailties in people that get missed and picky people will always be looking for the perfect person only to find 1. he's fit, but has this or that wrong now..

You need to think of what you really want deep inside you.

I met my bf when I was 18 and he was 24. He was very handsome then and fit. I was very cute twinkish, thin and very active.

Now after 24 years together we both have gained and lost wieght,gone gray, lost some hair,are not as active as we used to be. Have become more home bodies.

But I would not trade 1 second of our time with anyone else. We are joined at the hip. You cant just changed a person like you change a pair of shoes or cus they went out of style.

You either have ,morals, values, lovefriendship,trust,communication.

or your a shallow person who might be looking for bf's every couple of yrs just to get his fix on whats in style for him that year.

do you have fun, treat you right ,have great sex,you love ea other ect ect.
then work on it TOGETHER.

or do you just want a BARBI DOLL BOY FRIEND????
 
^ Calm down, sir. :)

If he doesn't feel the spark, he doesn't. It may be because of the guy's weight - he said as much - but it may not. Should he force it? Should he pretend that he does, because otherwise his ersatz boyfriend will have his feelings hurt?

I think he should stick with the guy, and see if the attraction comes later, rather than trying to force it.

Lex
 
Scissors. there's no problem in looking for what you want physically. If you don't have that mutual physical attraction, especially at the beginning, it's hard to keep the relationship (as well as your cock) up. Talk to him very gently about what you want, and see how he reacts. All too often it seems that guys get together and get heavy. If you don't want that, let him know and pay close attention to his point of view.
 
G-Lexington said:
^ Calm down, sir. :)

If he doesn't feel the spark, he doesn't. It may be because of the guy's weight - he said as much - but it may not. Should he force it? Should he pretend that he does, because otherwise his ersatz boyfriend will have his feelings hurt?

I think he should stick with the guy, and see if the attraction comes later, rather than trying to force it.

Lex
Click to expand...


Are you referring to me calming down???

I was just pointing out that he met him as he was, if he now does not fit his standards then he need to work at it together or find want he needs with in himself to find his type with all his bells and whistles.

works together is the same thing as "STICK W/THE GUY"

I was not grinding on the guy...............
 
Oh, yes - you. He said he wasn't sure if he found this guy attractive, to which you said:

"You either have ,morals, values, lovefriendship,trust,communication.

or your a shallow person who might be looking for bf's every couple of yrs just to get his fix on whats in style for him that year."

In bold, no less.

That sure sounds like grinding to me.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Oh, yes - you. He said he wasn't sure if he found this guy attractive, to which you said:

"You either have ,morals, values, lovefriendship,trust,communication.

or your a shallow person who might be looking for bf's every couple of yrs just to get his fix on whats in style for him that year."

In bold, no less.

That sure sounds like grinding to me.

Lex
Click to expand...



Lex,

I see that>> but I was trying making the stmnt in general not at him!!! I should have clarified it in that since. I did not finish what I should of. My bad on that, I meant no disrespect to the guy.

I put the bold on in ref: to me and my bf. and forgot to take off.


I apologize to all
for my errors. I was in hurry but thats still not a excuse. Sorry
 
Me and my guy are going strong because of that kind of connection, he is my type physically, but not my perfect type, I could care less if he was less my type, though I do kind have a thing for bigger guys (im weird) he wants to lose weight and I support him completely, why not, weight loss will improve his health, though he is not really unhealthy, hes not exactly happy
with his weight,

so him not being as physically my type as Id want, doesnt bother me in the least. because of his personality, and the way I feel about him.

So I think you should give this guy a chance...just dont force yourself to be with him if you really dont want to be, because that will only make things worse.
 
to the op... if you don't feel that 'spark' then perhaps you should move on.

but before you do you need to be 100% honest with yourself and make sure you're moving on because you honestly don't feel an attraction and not because of his body composition. don't take this the wrong way but i honestly think his physical self is what you've been concerned with.

if you feel everything else then i hope you give him a chance. being the chubby guy is not easy let me tell you. unless of course you really just don't love the guy.
 
Thanks guys, for all the comments. I do feel like an asshole, because I feel like I'm putting waaaaay too much emphasis on looks. Recently he's been sticking to his plan of eating way better and exercising. I absolutely LOVE his personality so I know I'm going to stick with him for a while longer and hopefully come to realize I was just being stupid and was just overly concerned with looks. Shallow? Perhaps...but I'm sincerely trying to look past the cosmetics, although its harder to do than one would think...
 
Physical appearance is definately hard to overlook as it is the first thing you see. It is all about an evoked mindset. If all you really think about is hard abs etc., then that is probably all you are gonna see the person for. Of course, if you can think about the good times you have had together and how much you enjoy each other (besides the sex lol, although the sex should be good), then the relationship should have some staying power.
 
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