I think I'm lost.

[josher]

I'm sure you're smart enough to see the pattern here: Just as you're about to achieve a goal, you walk away from it. The reasons you cite are just excuses you've used to give yourself permission to give up.

Perhaps the place to start is by seeing a doctor and finding if you are chronically depressed.

 

[LilBit]

Shit. I'm sorry to hear that, Poguito.

It does sound to me like it could be depression, and I wonder if maybe the depression is a cause of your job anxiety, rather than a symptom. Have you had problems with depression or anxiety in the past? I mean, have you been diagnosed, seen a doctor, etc.?

I know that you're not really in a financial position to see a doctor right now, but it might be a good idea to look into some sort of counseling. At the very least, find a friend who can talk you through things.

 

[jimm04]

Have Courage There Is Sun Above Us

 

[josher]

I really don't think they qualify as excuses, josher. Excuses are "no one likes me, so that's why I suck at life." Reasons, however, are "I didn't like my program anymore so I left." That's pretty much been what's up...I didn't like how things were going, it wasn't working, so I left. Why the hell would one stick with something he or she doesn't like?

And I don't think that ANYONE needs "permission" to stop doing something. We're all adults here. If you want to stop doing something, you stop. If it turns into a mess, it's your shit to wallow in.

I SINCERELY hope you haven't read my post as me whining because I feel like I am owed something. I'm detailing my past, and how I got to where I am now. And where I am now is kind sucky. More than sucky.

And I'm sure I'm feeling depressed...who wouldn't be? That's what happens when you're not happy with how things are going...you get depressed.

You misunderstood what I meant about giving yourself permission to give up, but it seems I upset you. If that's so I apologize. But I'm not going to apologize for suggesting you see a doctor and be evaluated for clinical depression.

 

[Huskerboy]

Hang in there, Trans... I think a lot of us have been where you're at; not knowing what to do with our time, lacking direction, and feeling down and out about things. I think a lot of us have also experienced the depression you're feeling. It's not a fun place to be, but I think we go through it in order to find out what our purpose in life is, and to help us focus on things that are important to us. It's a period of adjustment that we have to go through to find what truly makes us happy.

I think you need to give yourself some time, and don't give up on yourself. Sure, you've made some 90-degree turns here and there, but who hasn't?! Right or wrong, your life-changing decisions have made you who you are, and I think you just need a little more time to sort through things. Don't give up on yourself, and don't worry about it so much - you'll find your niche in life!

I know this would be easier to do if you didn't have to worry about living expenses, car payments and student loans, but hang in there - things will work out. You're smart, have a good sense of humor (I've enjoyed your posts here on JUB!) and I'll bet you're quit the looker, too! Hang in there and know that we're here for you!

With each new dawn comes a new day...

 

[looseliam]

I've gone through career changes with skills that don't carry over to other professions.

At this point it's going to suck. You'll dread work.

But you'll get back into the groove, and life will return to a sort of normalcy for you.

Will it be overnight? No, sorry.

But preservare - you've done it before, it seems, and I'm sure you have it in you.

Hell, you're back in Chicago. So, you got that going for you, which is nice.

 

[Xenrai]

I've struggled with depression for more than half of my young life.
I don't know if this is the answer for you, but my saving grace in life has been books.
Don't mean novels or meaningless shit like that.
I mean books on self improvement, spirituality, mind expansion, the greater reality etc etc.
I honestly don't know what I would have done without all of those books to help guide me.
See, in life, over 90% of what you're told and what you're exposed to is pure BS. It's ignorance and stupidity.
In order to find knowledge of any true value, you must seek it out, because it will rarely, if ever, fall into your lap.

 

[looseliam]

There will always be "what if's."

But it's a waste time wondering, because you'll never know.

And who knows? You could have finished how you originally started and be wondering now "What if left divinity school? What if I moved back to Chicago?"

Keep in mind you're where you are for a reason: the sum of all things small have led you there. Sometimes, you're where you're supposed to be - regardless of what you think.

I still have the piece paper on which I scribbled: "It is better to have a destination and not reach it, than to never know you couldn't have gotten there." -Me

 

[metta]

Forget about what you could have done. You can't do anything about that.

What is it that you want to do?
What is it that you would find rewarding?

 

[metta]

One more thing.....wish it was a real one...

 

[metta]

Answer to both: I want to teach.

Then make plans to do that. Start taking steps to do just that and be persistant. Even if you can't do much in the beginning.....just keep working at it and you will eventually get there.

And try and find a way to do it so that you can enjoy the process of getting it.

 

[Croynan]

Random Thoughts

trans - what do you want to teach?

adults, teenagers, the little folks, cosmotology?

i thought you were looking into this, am i incorrect about this?

have you investigated what it would involve for you to go into teaching? something like an inter-ship?

what about the program Teach for America? it is a government sponsored program - fast track teacher training - and i think a commitment for two years of teaching in a low income area. just a thought.

eM.

 

[metta]

Random Thoughts

trans - what do you want to teach?

adults, teenagers, the little folks, cosmotology?

i thought you were looking into this, am i incorrect about this?

have you investigated what it would involve for you to go into teaching? something like an inter-ship?

what about the program Teach for America? it is a government sponsored program - fast track teacher training - and i think a commitment for two years of teaching in a low income area. just a thought.

eM.

If he joined that program could he choose the city that he teaches in? Some low income areas are better than others.