I think I'm screwed up....

[SkinnyBoi87]

Okay, so I think I'm screwed up beyond repair...

Here's why I think that, and I know this is probably gonna sound like another one of those "Woe as Me" threads, but I seriously need some advice to see if anyone else has felt like this.

Anyways, I met a wonderful guy online, totally interested in me, we've been talking for about a week now, but I find myself avoiding him, and not having anything to say really. When he wants to meet, I give him some excuse, and honestly I'm just not interested in men anymore. I mean, I know I'm still gay, but I'm just not interested in dating. I want to, but I haven't found the right guy. Is it me, or am I going through something, or what. I feel so screwed up right now I can't even think straight.

Please help...if you need more info, just ask. But some advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

 

[tipmyscales86]

I think it's a natural reaction to back away a bit when somebody you haven't even met yet is overly interested.

Online dating has never worked for me, it usually always results in a hookup and not feeling any connection. The only guys I've ever truly dated were guys I met through mutual friends. It kind of makes it easier in getting to know them, whereas online you are basically starting from scratch and only know what you see from their profile initially.

If I were you, I'd just be honest and tell him you aren't ready for dating. Maybe start off as friends and see where it goes. If you hit it off as friends, perhaps there will be potential for something more down the road. If not, you can move on and stay single until you find the right one.

 

[medic1]

i tend to agree with tip my scales comments but i have this worrying feeling that
you have said none of ghis to the guy you met and who you did say that you liked ajnd then in your next sentence you make it plain that you dont really want a relationship(is that with him or guys in general). Either way it seems kinda cruel keeping this guy hanging in the wind why not try and explain that you are not looking for a relationship just now more to make close friendships if the guy is as nice as you say dont you think he at least deserves to hear that from you ?
Please dont think that i am having a go at you cause that is not what i am doing,you are coming across as a decent fella otherwise why waste your time asking for advice.
I think that if you basically say to him what you said on your thread you are making it plain that you are not some sort of hard-hearted bastard just a guy who like many of us are just a bit confused about what we want then ask him if he would mind trying the friendship path first , as it is obvious that you do like him.
Good luck and all the best m8 . medic1

 

[ucfknight12]

I think you should try maybe not dating for a while. You could be in a stage that you just don't want a relationship and not know it. I'd tell the other guy that you aren't ready and take a step back from the dating scene. Find a hobby to do and keep your mind off of it. Then when you think you are ready, go back to it. Also you never know if you will bump into someone when you are not looking for them.

Just take a step back and breath. Now is the time to focus on another aspect of your life.

If you need more advice hit me up on aim

 

[KaraBulut]

Be honest. The uncertainty will just make things worse for both of you.

Just tell him, "Look- I like you and I enjoy talking to you and under different circumstances, I would be really interested in dating you. But my head just isn't on straight right now and I wouldn't be good dating material. I'm not trying to be a jerk or give you the brush-off but I also don't want to lead you on...".

 

[evanrick]

it sounds like you afraid of becoming too close to this person. i can understand what you are feeling, but perhaps try meeting him in a setting that is more comfortable for both of you.

 

[palemale]

Okay, so I think I'm screwed up beyond repair...

Here's why I think that, and I know this is probably gonna sound like another one of those "Woe as Me" threads, but I seriously need some advice to see if anyone else has felt like this.

Anyways, I met a wonderful guy online, totally interested in me, we've been talking for about a week now, but I find myself avoiding him, and not having anything to say really. When he wants to meet, I give him some excuse, and honestly I'm just not interested in men anymore. I mean, I know I'm still gay, but I'm just not interested in dating. I want to, but I haven't found the right guy. Is it me, or am I going through something, or what. I feel so screwed up right now I can't even think straight.

Please help...if you need more info, just ask. But some advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

You didn't say anything that sounds screwed up (except your characterization of yourself as feeling screwed up). You say the guy is wonderful and interested in you, but don't say that you are interested in him. Is it him you are not interested, or really, as you say, you are not interested in men? I think the on-line sites often raise unrealistic expectations. On the other hand, I've met a few real quality guys that way, as well.

If you are interested in this guy for dating, hooking up, or just hanging out, just let him know. It's not fair to him, and not exactly good for your state of mind either.

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

Thanks guys. I took your advice and told him I wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and he told me I was a cold hearted bastard...lol. Oh well, now he can move on I guess. I try taking the friend route, but I guess there is just no reasoning with some guys.

Thanks for all the advice!

Now I guess I can keep my head up and focus on becoming an EMT

 

[KaraBulut]

...Anyways, I met a wonderful guy online, totally interested in me, we've been talking for about a week now, but I find myself avoiding him, and not having anything to say really.

Thanks guys. I took your advice and told him I wasn't interested in a relationship right now, and he told me I was a cold hearted bastard...lol...

That much drama after a week? Good riddance.

 

[altlover85]

You don't want that sort of mess in your life anyway.

I totally agree with this. He has issues and you are better off without him. After such a short time, the attachment shouldn't be too strong on either end. You hadn't even met yet, so he really had no rational reason to react that way.

 

[Prestobesto]

That much drama after a week? Good riddance.

This.

Why is everyone going at warp speed to get sex or romance? People need to chill.

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

Thanks for all the feedback guys Kinda got depressed after this ordeal, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm even worth it. it seems like I can never meet a decent guy

 

[seven2go]

if YOU are worth it?....... ....... .......

 

[SkinnyBoi87]

Yes, Seven, if I'm worth it, cause right now, I don't feel that way....sorry

 

[altlover85]

More than likely, you are worth it.

 

[fetaby]

Yes, Seven, if I'm worth it, cause right now, I don't feel that way....sorry

You're worth it. No one here can make you feel like you're worth it, you've just got to work on feeling it for yourself.

Ask yourself this. Are you a good person? From what I've read of your posts over the time I've been here, I'd say yeah, you are.

These are classic esteem issues.

And we're here for you. Just type it out, let us see what's going on. I guarantee it's not as bad as you think it is.

 

[TX-Beau]

Look, so long as you're honest about what you want, dating guys doesn't have to be about forever, it can just be about the fun of it.

I like going out, I like having a good time, I've gone out with a bunch of guys I knew weren't the one. But that doesn't mean I didn't have a good time. That doesn't mean they didn't

Life and dating are easier if you don't weigh them down with a thousand tons of portentous expectation. Not every guy you're interested in has to be the one, not every guy you like has to be some true soul mate.

You take what comes as it comes and try to have a good time, and the more guys you date, the better chance you have for finding forever.

If you're honest up front, and the other guy can't deal, that's his problem not yours and you walk away.

Don't sabotage yourself with the delusion that every date must lead to forever.

If it does great, but there's nothing wrong with having a good time along the way.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh and yeah, no guy will be the one unless you feel you are the one.

What does that mean? If you don't feel good about yourself, no one else is going to either. So you spend the meantime turning yourself into the guy you want. Whatever that is, and I guarantee you that you'll get better options.

How many of us sit around bitching and moaning about how no guy is what we want without ever once asking what we ourselves are putting out there in the first place.

Yes, he has to be what you want, but you also have to be what he wants.

How much work are you willing to put into that?