I think I've hurt a really nice guy's feelings :(

[ebluue]

It's a long read guys!

I need to get this out of my chest!

OK! Last Sunday, I went out with a guy (let's call him Marc - whom i met online) to an Art Exhibition and we had a great time together. Then we went back to his place afterward to check out his paintings, it was my idea really because he is such a talented artist and i want to see his art collections.

So what's the problem, you ask?

Well, i'm 25 yo and he is 65 yo! Before meeting up with him, I did tell him that i'm only looking for guys around my own age and that i can't offer him anything more than a friendship. He understood and agreed to be just friends.

OK! Our meet up went better than I'd expected and i really enjoyed being around him. We had a long talk about ourselves, our past etc... And the more i know about him, the more i'm attracted to him. Let's just say, he is everything i look for in a man!

A little flashback. In my early 20s - a few years ago. I pictured, or should i say - I created a list of what my ideal man should be and look like. It was just a thought, and i don't expect to ever meet a guy like that. It was just a fantasy - a fictional being!

Well, Marc fits exactly everything in my criteria of a perfect guy down to the exact height . He is kind, has a big heart, highly intelligent, very masculine yet sensitive, extremely handsome - the best looking 65 yo man i have ever met or seen in my life, very fit and muscular. The things that freaks me out is his past and background, it matches my fantasy ideal man!

Marc's past and background:
Marc was an orphan, yes an orphan. He left the orphanage in his mid teens because he was sick of being molested by those vile social workers and he wanted to change his life.
He worked as a model to survive at first and eventually became a cabaret dancer. It's a long story, so i'll fast forward a bit. He eventually became the boss and ran his own cabaret show soon after. His shows were very successful and seen by very powerful people from all over the world back in the days. Despite not having proper education. He made it in the world, became rich and lived in luxury. I'll fast forward. Due to a selfless act of generosity, he lost everything. Yet, he is still this wonderful and amazing person that I have the privilege of knowing. At 65, he is still working and can't retire because of bankruptcy

OK, back to my fantasy - ideal man. I pictured him to be an orphan and despite the odds, he made it in the world and became a perfect gentleman, a kind, smart, loving and a good-hearted person. What is so bizarre is that Marc's background is literally uncanny to my fantasy ideal man.

I have only spent 9 hours with Marc on Sunday. And during that time, one of his close friends joined us for dinner (Marc cooked for us) and I was drawn to Marc even more, the way he talks, the way he moves and the way his friend reacted to him. Everything just seemed so natural and honest. There's nothing flaky about him!


I really like him a lot, i felt so at ease with him and i think he felt the same way too. I have to be realistic, our age difference is just too much. Why can't we both be born in the same decade? I don't want to hurt him and it pains me to hurt a such good-hearted man like him. He worries that he might fall in love with me and earlier I texted him "think of me as a friend and nothing more"

I'm planning to meet up with him again this weekend.

He had 2 ex lovers in the past, the first one lasted for 30 years and the second one lasted for 18 months. Marc was devastated with the second breakup that he went to live in a countryside and hid from everyone (even his close friends) for 14 months.

He told me he is currently writing a memoir. "I don't think many people will read my book" he said and i don't think he cares about that. I will definitely read his book!

He is my Idol.

 

[jaysizzles]

I'm not seeing the part where you've hurt Marc. It seems to me that you are being upfront with him on your intentions of this being a friendship with him. I'm sure he appreciates that. He's been around the block for quite awhile, gone through a lot of life experiences and heartache, I'm sure...not likely that he's fallen for you after such a short amount of time knowing you. He knows better than to allow himself to assume a younger man is going to so easily and readily want to enter into a relationship with a much older man. He most likely appreciates your companionship and having a new friend that is interested in him and his life experiences.

If you decide that you want to take this to a friends with benefit type of relationship, make sure that you kindly remind him that you have no intentions of entering into a relationship with him aside from friendship. You'll have to be careful tho, after all, he is your "ideal guy" and you just very well may fall for him. (would that really be a bad thing?)

 

[Seasoned]

I don't see the hurt in this either. There's nothing wrong with being friends or even more if that what you decide. As for the fear of hurting him, hurt is part of life, but so is joy. Just stay honest.

 

[Scealle]

Wow he sounds like such an amazing person. I wish I would be able to meet a successful gay person in real life. It sure would inspire me a lot! I agree with the others that I don't think you are hurting him. You guys are just being friends.

 

[ebluue]

Thanks guys for the replies.

You're right Jay, I got a message from him telling me "don't be concerned about him" and that " his thoughts are his problem". I felt so much better after reading his message though it still pains me knowing I can't reciprocate his feelings for me

He is my ideal guy and my idol.

 

[bankside]

I don't understand. It seems you maybe have some feelings for him even though you have planned not to.

 

[dominikowa]

man, you seem to reciprocate already, but maybe you´re afraid of the age difference.
I only had one boyfriend, and he was 20 years older than me, we stayed together for 7 years and i don´t regreat a thing. If you are not with him because you dont like him thats fine, but if it´s just about the age..man..really, special people dont come along very often(at least not for me).

 

[swerve]

I'm STUNNED at the DETAIL you had in putting together your "ideal" man prior to meeting him...

I just think that is hilarious...

Anyways -- I think it is GREAT that you can be friends -- you stated your limits up front and his fantasies are his issue -- you know, I wouldn't consider it a bad thing either -- it is ALWAYS fun when there is a LITTLE physical attraction between you and your friends...

Have FUN!!!

 

[loveguys72]

Sounds like you and Mark have a good friendship in the making. And if you should find that your attraction to him lets you see beyond his age and your relationship becomes something more than friendship, would that really be such a bad thing?

 

[Howlly]

If he's your ideal man, then you really shouldn't worry about his age. I wouldn't, he sounds hot front our description! I would just carry on as friends and if anything does happen, just let it! You might surprise yourself.
If you're worried about what other people will think then don't.