I think Me and My Friend are In Love??

[Muscles4daze]

So I've been friends with this guy for over 2 years now. When I first met him it was a instant connection...I felt like I found my twin. But somewhere something ended up changing and I started having feelings for him. Now it's been a while and he is one of my best friends in the world...period. The problem is I feel deep down that the're may be something there, but im not sure. He's not out, Im not out...but Im almost positive he's gay.

When I say Im 95% sure...I really am. I dont know how to explain it but it just feels different to me. When we dont talk for a day...Its weird. But if we dont talk we text. Today we texted constantly. We are so in sync with each other it's one of those "we finish each others sentences" type things. We get along very well and I honestly feel like we complete each other. I feel he makes me better...my better half. He challenges me, he believes in me, he's honest with me and it's the exact same the other way around. We've been bedside wile the other was sick and everything. I dont think he has anyone like me in his life...I feel like I get things out of him that he doesnt think is possible for him.

We spend a whole lot of time together and it just feels like we are a couple without actually saying it. I believe he is afraid to tell me...Ive actually had people telling me that but I dont know how to feel. We would do things like hang out at my place and watch movies and he would say someting or I would say something and we would look at each other and smile then look away. We've been friends for over 2 years now and we've NEVER talked about girls or who we think are hot and stuff...because it would just be weird. I felt recently that he kinda wanted to distance himself from me b/c people were starting to talk. And I've felt recently that he gets frustrated with me for no reason...I feel its because we've talked about everything but how we really feel about each other. It kinda feels like our relationship is at a standstill.

He is very attractive and he's had plenty of girls and guys who have wanted to date him but as soon as he thinks a girl or guy likes him he runs away or try to seperate himself. I think Ive made it very obvious I like him just by the things Ive done and said to him. So I feel if he didnt feel something he would have pushed me away also....Dont you think?? You know when people like you...

Like I said I love him so much but I think Im in Love with him also and it hurts because I just want something from him...if other people see it then doesnt that mean something?? What do you guys think...Does he like me? What should I do?

There definitely may be something there, but the fact that he was willing to distance himself from you due to gossipers leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I think two years is more than enough time to feel someone out, he may have feelings for you but the idea of acting upon them may freak him out.

 

[evil_danger]

Maybe there are feelings from him that go beyond just being friends, but it sounds like he isn't ready to accept them, and you're not going to do anything about them.

I think this is just one of those things you will have to talk about with him.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB and congrats on your first post.

It's always surprising to hear these threads (quite common) where two guys say, "My best bud and I are so close. We spend hours together, text all day and we talk about everything".

Yet they don't know whether the other is gay or straight?

You've been friends for two years. Other people have their suspicions. You both have suspicions about each other.

Isn't it time that you had that talk?

 

[G-Lexington]

Welcome to JUB!

Is there something there? Maybe. But if neither of you is going to make something happen, nothing is going to happen. So perhaps it's time to make something happen.

I don't think you should clumsily paw at him, or get him drunk and "hope something develops". Just take the obvious first step - come out to your friend. If he's your friend, your soulmate, your whatever-else-you-want-to-call-it, he can take this news. You don't have to tell him you've got feelings for him - just tell him you're gay. This will be his cue to come out to you, and you two can take it from there.

Lex

 

[Lube]

What everyone else said.

He's afraid. You're afraid. You're clearly both gay. But neither is willing to come out to the other.

You have to make the first move. Do it as suggested by Lex.

 

[vamp]

Sounds like there might be feeling between you two. However, nothing is going to happen unless one of you makes a move. Does he have the guts to admit to himself that he's gay or bi and that he feels something for you? Do you have the guts to tell him how you feel? You will never know for sure until you take that risk. Whatever you decide to do, you a lot of caution and safety. Take things nice and slow and see where things go. Hopefully, it will end with you two being together.

 

[hothunk222]

Be careful not to get your hopes up, you don't want to end up heartbroken, trust me. He might just be a very affectionate type of guy, but hey if you really love him a lot you should find a way to tell him that wont screw up the friendship. Be very careful with your words, your methods and take things very steady and that wont happen, if things don't work out romantically, it might just make the friendship deeper. Hey, if you never try you never know!



(Hi vamp, so we meet again)

 

[backpacker]

Great advice above. You should listen to Lex and come out to your friend. Somebody has to make the first move. His pulling away recently could also be frustration or pain that the relationship seems to be going nowhere. He may avoid girls and other guys because you are the one he wants. It also could be that he's not ready to deal with his sexuality or that he is extremely self conscious about going out with somebody. You really won't know unless one of you takes a risk. You're at a level that cannot be maintained without moving forward. I suspect if one of you don't come clean, the relationship is going to fizzle out. I know it's a risk to come out, but how would you feel if he suddenly starts dating someone and you missed your chance? As Lex noted, the best thing for you to do is come out to him, but don't mention your feelings for him unless he asks. Don't expect him to immediately come out to you. His immediate reaction may even be to deny he is gay. While there is a possibility that it may be true, I wouldn't rely on that declaration given the circumstances that prompted it. He may need some time to become comfortable with your disclosure and work up to nerve to come out to you. Of course there is always the possibility that he is not gay, but from what you have written I suspect it's more of a case of him struggling with his sexuality and the fear of people finding out. Does that sound familiar to you? The bottom line, you have to take a risk. He's your best friend and he should remain that way no matter what you tell him. If telling him you're gay dramatically changes your friendship for the worse, then he wasn't really that good of a friend anyway.

 

[G-Lexington]

So don't tell him that. Tell him that you're gay. At that point, it'll be out in the open. If you ARE both gay and interested, then it'll put you on the right path. If it ends up he ISN'T gay, or ISN'T interested in you, it'll be one step closer to finding out, so you won't spend months and years wondering and hoping.

Lex

 

[Lube]

Or if he is afraid of his attraction to you, you'll find out now. Better now than later. Why delay it?

 

[asian87]

First thing I tell you, from my past experience, be more objective than subjective. Sometimes when you want to see things in somebody, they will show but in fact they are just illusions. From what you wrote, I believe he might be gay. However don't make unrealistic expectation so long as you don't have any certainty about him loving you.

Now why don't you devise a plan about a conversation, that will certainly end up in talking about sexuality. This will clear your doubts out when he tells you he loves you.