I think my boyfriend is interested in another guy.

[shane82]

And it's killing me. Seriously, there's this pain or pressure in my chest when I even think about it (which is constantly). Granted, I already struggle with my confidence and this isn't helping. I've invested a lot in this relationship and it was awesome to begin with. When we first met, it was a dream come true for the both of us (I assume). He was affectionate. Texted me all the time.

Recently, however, I came down with a tooth infection and ended up in the hospital. Over that weekend, he went to a nudist camp and went hiking with another guy (howbeit the hiking was done with clothes on). The reception was bad and I didn't really hear from him much, but after the fact he was raving about how he had such a great time. I was happy for him that he was able to get out and have some fun. However, that's when the texts started coming in sporadically and the phone calls were few and short on time. Our evening FaceTime sessions were growing shorter and shorter. Then I overheard him speaking to his friend about this guy he went on a hike with, how "woof" he is, and how the guy told him after the hike "I really like you!"

But he tells me he loves me. He holds my hand - sometimes. Yet at other times, he seems so distant. He says I'm overanalyzing things. He's invited this guy over and said he wants to go over there sometime to hang out. I don't want to be "that" guy who is controlling, but I also don't want to feel as if I'm being dragged around to be dumped later on. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to leave, but part of me wants him.

Ugh, I hate this feeling.

 

[lakeviewcouple8689]

Hmm, it seems some of it could be over-analyzing and some of it seems a little sketchy to me.

Did he know the guy he went hiking with and if not how did they meet?

I do think that it was tasteless to go to a nude camp without you especially with another guy I'm not even sure you know or how they even met. I think as well it was disrespectful. Maybe see what happens in the next 1-3 months and if you feel he's still distant and things aren't like they once were, consider opening your options to dating other men and sending him on his way. Best thing is to try and remain calm about it, don't let your mind create anything that didn't/or isn't happening you know?

 

[Seasoned]

It was disrespectful for him to go away while you were in the hospital and if you suspect something is going on with him and the hiker my gut tell me that something even if it's flirting probably is going on.

The key to a successful life whether in a relationship or not is to know you're ok in or out of a relationship. It too me years to discover this. I remember the gut wrenching pain early on in my relationship with my husband. It was awful. Things got better for us as we learned how to trust and when I learned that I didn't need him to survive. Relationships are voluntary a day at a time. There are no guarantees. And every relationship will one day end.

Today is our 31st anniversary.

Talk to your boyfriend and believe his words if they match his actions. I think it sucks that he went away the weekend you were sick.

 

[racer2438]

Only one thing to do.


TALK TO HIM........

 

[AlmondMilk]

Only one thing to do.


TALK TO HIM........

Pretty much that. I mean, it's hard. You might ask a question and may get a lie. But that also means you might ask the same question and get the truth. It's hard, but sit down with him. Make sure he really listens to what you have to say and doesn't just hear. Me being myself, I'd probably meet this guy. Maybe he's just really friendly and looking for friends.

 

[lodeus369]

And it's killing me. Seriously, there's this pain or pressure in my chest when I even think about it (which is constantly). Granted, I already struggle with my confidence and this isn't helping. I've invested a lot in this relationship and it was awesome to begin with. When we first met, it was a dream come true for the both of us (I assume). He was affectionate. Texted me all the time.

Recently, however, I came down with a tooth infection and ended up in the hospital. Over that weekend, he went to a nudist camp and went hiking with another guy (howbeit the hiking was done with clothes on). The reception was bad and I didn't really hear from him much, but after the fact he was raving about how he had such a great time. I was happy for him that he was able to get out and have some fun. However, that's when the texts started coming in sporadically and the phone calls were few and short on time. Our evening FaceTime sessions were growing shorter and shorter. Then I overheard him speaking to his friend about this guy he went on a hike with, how "woof" he is, and how the guy told him after the hike "I really like you!"

But he tells me he loves me. He holds my hand - sometimes. Yet at other times, he seems so distant. He says I'm overanalyzing things. He's invited this guy over and said he wants to go over there sometime to hang out. I don't want to be "that" guy who is controlling, but I also don't want to feel as if I'm being dragged around to be dumped later on. I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to leave, but part of me wants him.

Ugh, I hate this feeling.

Perhaps he wants YOU to go with him and ENJOY the hike with him next time.

 

[innocentbychoice]

The moment you said he went to a nudist camp with another guy over the weekend and basically had no cellphone...I mean...you basically gave him away in a silver platter.

But what's done is done. I think you need to talk to him about your insecurities and try to have a good time with him, go out with him, to the movies, try to have fun and remind him of what a great relationship you guys have. The worst thing you can do now that you have a "hot" guy around who likes your boyfriend, is to become an insecure and needy mess. That might drive your BF away.

 

[shane82]

Perhaps he wants YOU to go with him and ENJOY the hike with him next time.

He never invited me. I never even heard of the place. Plus, I was in the hospital. There was no way I could've gone even if he did. The issue now is that he seems totally different now that he's back. He's distancing himself from me and it's giving me mixed signals.

 

[shane82]

The moment you said he went to a nudist camp with another guy over the weekend and basically had no cellphone...I mean...you basically gave him away in a silver platter.

How did I do that? He didn't tell me where he was going.

But what's done is done. I think you need to talk to him about your insecurities and try to have a good time with him, go out with him, to the movies, try to have fun and remind him of what a great relationship you guys have. The worst thing you can do now that you have a "hot" guy around who likes your boyfriend, is to become an insecure and needy mess. That might drive your BF away.

He has distanced himself from me. It's hard to even try to have a conversation with him anymore. On Friday morning, I texted him good morning as I was heading off to class. It wasn't until 8:00 that evening that I called to see if he was okay because I haven't heard from him all day. He didn't answer. I left a voice mail. Then he texted me and said he is alright and that he is spending the weekend alone and will call me after the weekend is over.

It's one thing to like someone else. That happens. It hurts, but I'll get over it. It's another thing to string me along. If he wants to end things with me, I wish he would just tell me.

It's so frustrating.

 

[shane82]

Pretty much that. I mean, it's hard. You might ask a question and may get a lie. But that also means you might ask the same question and get the truth. It's hard, but sit down with him. Make sure he really listens to what you have to say and doesn't just hear. Me being myself, I'd probably meet this guy. Maybe he's just really friendly and looking for friends.

I don't mind him having friends. He has many friends. But there's reason for me to believe that there's something more going on with this particular guy. I've brought it up to him but it just started a huge argument between the both of us, but we made up later on. I told him to just be honest and let me go if he wanted to be with this other guy, but he said it was all in my head.

 

[shane82]

Well, I just received confirmation that he isn't spending the weekend alone. He is at the damn nudist camp again with that guy.

I called him, left a voicemail.

It's over.

 

[shane82]

Shane, I'm sorry to read all this late.

It sounds like you weren't being paranoid, only observant.

There are lots of things people could suggest, but I'm going to stick to just one. Get to one of your good friends and remind yourself that you are important to others, not just your bf. Don't let this become a self-esteem thing. Couples split.

If he is this fickle, especially when you were in the hospital, you deserve better. That can happen later. Right now, surround yourself with loving friends and family and remember people love you.

Thanks, Dejavudoo. I'm going to do that.

 

[innocentbychoice]

How did I do that? He didn't tell me where he was going.

Oh. I for sure thought you knew. So he just went away to a nudist camp without telling you with another guy while you were sick? That's fucked up.

He has distanced himself from me. It's hard to even try to have a conversation with him anymore. On Friday morning, I texted him good morning as I was heading off to class. It wasn't until 8:00 that evening that I called to see if he was okay because I haven't heard from him all day. He didn't answer. I left a voice mail. Then he texted me and said he is alright and that he is spending the weekend alone and will call me after the weekend is over.

It's one thing to like someone else. That happens. It hurts, but I'll get over it. It's another thing to string me along. If he wants to end things with me, I wish he would just tell me.

It's so frustrating.

It seems like he's acting like the typical guy who doesn't know how to end a relationship properly and will just do things until you get the hint.

Well, I just received confirmation that he isn't spending the weekend alone. He is at the damn nudist camp again with that guy.

I called him, left a voicemail.

It's over.

Wow. There you go. I'd break it up too...Seems like he really really likes the guy. It's not worth your time or energy, by the way how long were you together? Seems like it wasn't that long.

 

[shane82]

Wow. There you go. I'd break it up too...Seems like he really really likes the guy. It's not worth your time or energy, by the way how long were you together? Seems like it wasn't that long.

We were together for 7 months. Truly believed this was the one. I hate to even think about getting back into the dating scene. Slim pickings - not that I'm a prince or anything.

 

[Vocodr]

Shane, I'm so sorry to read about your experience but honestly, you're much better off without him. Someone who can go off to a nudist camp (or go off anywhere without a pressing reason) when their boyfriend is in hospital is just not worth it. And as for lying to you so blatantly… the guys sounds like a sociopath. Please try not to take your ex's behaviour as a reflection on you because there is obviously something very wrong with the guy.

At this point, Dejavudoo's advice is very sound: surround yourself with loving friends and family who can support you. As for, "I hate to even think about getting back into the dating scene. Slim pickings - not that I'm a prince or anything", there's no pressing need to get into another relationship; it's just not something you have to do until you feel like it. Not sure if you're this way - but lots of guys seem to feel a compulsion to be in a relationship no matter what. But guess what - you don't have to! Realising that can be a relief. You don't need anyone to validate you - you seem like an intelligent, sweet guy (good-looking too, judging by your photo). You won't 'miss the boat' if you sit it out for a while. Right now, just focus on yourself and take good self care - hang out with people who make you feel good, eat well, exercise, do things you enjoy, etc.

 

[shane82]

Shane, I'm so sorry to read about your experience but honestly, you're much better off without him. Someone who can go off to a nudist camp (or go off anywhere without a pressing reason) when their boyfriend is in hospital is just not worth it. And as for lying to you so blatantly… the guys sounds like a sociopath. Please try not to take your ex's behaviour as a reflection on you because there is obviously something very wrong with the guy.

At this point, Dejavudoo's advice is very sound: surround yourself with loving friends and family who can support you. As for, "I hate to even think about getting back into the dating scene. Slim pickings - not that I'm a prince or anything", there's no pressing need to get into another relationship; it's just not something you have to do until you feel like it. Not sure if you're this way - but lots of guys seem to feel a compulsion to be in a relationship no matter what. But guess what - you don't have to! Realising that can be a relief. You don't need anyone to validate you - you seem like an intelligent, sweet guy (good-looking too, judging by your photo). You won't 'miss the boat' if you sit it out for a while. Right now, just focus on yourself and take good self care - hang out with people who make you feel good, eat well, exercise, do things you enjoy, etc.

Thank you very much for the kind words and advise. As the days go by, it gets a bit easier. I have my moments, of course, but I've recently joined CrossFit and met some amazing people who are very supportive of me and my goals to take care of me and seek to better myself. So I'm taking baby steps. I hate to say it, but I immediately did seek to find another relationship. I guess because I value myself in the way other people see me. I have to stop that. This is a time for me to just focus on myself, finish school, and get into the shape I want to be in. So that's what I'm going to focus on - or try to at least. I'm thankful to have a community here where I can talk your guys heads off and receive such amazing feedback. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It means a lot.