I think my Rastafarian neighbor is on to me

[alli-berri]

I've been helping him sell stuff online, and doing other little favors.
Just because he's nice, you know?

I can't help it, my brain is attracted to good vibes, which my body copies and shares.
And, the favors come with perks (Jamaican ku$h, small business experience, 50/50 profit model).

Today he told me I should talk to girls because I could have any one I wanted.
Of course I don't want any.

I told him that I'd had bad experiences with girls in the past, and don't get along with them.

He laughed, and I added that I consider such pursuits a distraction anyway,
citing my ADHD (which he best understood if I explained it w/ vague idioms).

I further added (additions are a habit of mine... especially when I'm nervous)
that I needed to get to know a person's mind before I committed to flirting with them.

I think he respected that.
But he's on to me, I know it. Well, I don't know it. That's why I'm posting here.

I don't know how many JUBbers have experience with old, Caribbean men (Rastafari) -

or if such experience is necessary to respond -​

but I'm curious to hear ideas as to how I might best proceed with this relationship.

Or even opinions on my decision to pursue and maintain the relationship.

He's 51 yrs old, and moved to NYC from St. Vincent thirty yrs ago.
He lives across the street from me, and sits on his stoop

every
day

and
very
often.

I can't avoid him.
And I have no interest in doing so...

But I also don't want to say something that's gonna get him and his family

(of younger, bulkier, more impulsive and VERY masculine men)​

to go all "bun batty bwoy!" on me.

Perhaps I'm generalizing a bit to assume he is a homophobe.

(I don't live in a particularly accepting area.)​

But I just don't know. He's very very friendly, and believes in beautiful things,
but we all (hopefully) know that Reggae music and Caribbean culture often rejects homosexuality -
violently.

My fears have increased now that he wishes to come hang out in my apartment.
I don't distrust him, but I now find myself wondering if I should take certain photos down,
or quotes,
that reflect my sexuality (*GASP* censorship! But it's self censorship, you know?).

I should note that I'm "masculine" or whatever... but really my behavior adapts to the situation.

(That is, my androgyny emerges in "safe" company)​

I'm worried I won't be able to keep this "adaptation" of casual denial going much longer,
without psychologically conditioning myself to self-loathe all over again.

(That is, I just got done accepting myself and shit.)​

I wonder if he will remain clueless if I don't explicitly say "it"?

I have this horrible daydream that he's gonna set me up with some female,
and expect me to become involved.

Which I would hate to do!! She would not deserve to be lied to and ultimately hurt.
I've done enough of that without planning on it, so there's no way I'm going to dive into it.

But, that's just a silly lil anxiety thing. I'm a writer; wacky plot lines abound in my mind.

All advice on how to proceed will earn my deepest respect.

Thanks and peace.

 

[TX-Beau]

I don't think you can say all "Rastafarians," are this or that, but as a general thing, Rastafarian-ism is pretty severely homophobic.

So is he and actual Rastafarian or just someone who talks like Bob Marley?

 

[Seasoned]

He's living in your culture and not the other way around. Be yourself without being explict. There are many cultures that work within a strong context of denial. Many cultures are not explict about personal matters. He'll come to an understanding of you in his own time as he gets to know you.

 

[csb999]

my feeling Rasta or not it would just be easier for you to be direct and honest and immediate . There are many of whatever background for whom your sexuality will effectively end any friendship - better now than in five years when you have invested more time . Moreover unless you intend to be single the rest of your life you will have to lie about any relationship you are in - something of an insult to someone else .

 

[AngolaZee]

Stay away from that guy, yous houldnt even be interacting with people who are likely to be homophobic. The fact that he suggesting you should hook up with a girl shows he's definately on to you. Ican imagine how you are sometimes the topic of discussion in their households "the dude across the street doesnt have a girlfriend" "Yeh him a batty boi" "You wanna suss him out?" "Ask for some help on e-commerce and subtly ask him about girls". Although you have a right to be what you want to be when you want to be some people juststick their nose in your business whether you like it or not. Safety first, I heard these Carribean men kill gay people when you dont even expect it and then they will say you were coming onto them so they got angry and killed you

 

[bw92116]

51 is old?

 

[AngolaZee]

51 is old?

Yes 51 is old why ? are you 51?

 

[cgymike]

Yes 51 is old why ? are you 51?

Yeah but the point is would it make any difference is he was a 27 year old Rasta guy? I just don't see how age is relevant here compared to the cultural issues and homophobia. Unless younger Rastas are more accepting?? I think the age was given more as background and because he has been in the states 31 years he SHOULD be somewhat more Americanized (Ok on e can debate that) than if he were still on St. Vincents. The neighbourhood in New York may not be very tolerant but presumably is more than a neighbourhood in St. Vincents.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Are we sure the guys a rasta? I mean St. Vincent and the Grenadines don't have many Rastafarians at all - if any really.
Also AngolaZee, that seems like the most paranoid crazy shit ever, maybe its right but I don't think most people act in this weird manner, even more so when dealing with friends who his paying to help him with shit.

 

[AngolaZee]

In retrospect I tend to agree with you Johnny , been reading too much gay lynching stories in the Carribeans and right here in Africa. Perhaps Rastafarians not residing there might not be as judgemental and violent. There's been a lot of "Batty boi came on to me so I killed him" in recent years that goes unpunished due to homophobic attitudes