Re: I Thought I Knew
Chapter 25 – Part II
From Billy’s viewpoint
I was more than a little hesitant about going to school the next day. I knew Ted had said the guys were OK with the idea that I might be gay. At least no one was suggesting they beat the shit out of me or anything. I mean, they really didn’t know shit for sure. Just rumors. But someone had started this rumor and they hadn’t done it to make my life easy. I felt certain that there were going to be some difficult times ahead.
Justin's mom drove us to school that morning. I was so glad no one saw me getting out of her car with Justin. At least I didn't need to lie about that. As I walked toward my locker, there was Ted standing beside it. As I approached he threw his arms around me and gave me a big hug. And he wasn’t letting go.
“I guess I needed that. Thanks,” I said, our cheeks pressed together by his hug. Ted's mouth pressed close to my ear.
I started to pull away. Ted didn’t loosen his grip as he whispered in my ear. “Everything’s gonna be OK. Don’t worry about a thing.”
As I finally pulled away I was certain of two things. The first was that Ted smelled really sexy in a way I had never noticed before. Really hot! He smelled like . . . like a man. Like I think a really hot guy should smell. Not like cum. The smell reminded me of man cock. And I liked it. A lot. How had I not noticed this smell from Ted before? Or was it something new?
The second thing I was certain of was that I had felt Ted’s cock start to harden as he held me close. It was trapped against my thigh and the growing bulge had been unmistakable. I wanted to look at his crotch to check it out, but I was scared. That’s exactly the kind of thing everyone would be looking for. Me checking out guys’ baskets and all. I somehow managed to resist the urge, but the image was hot in my brain, seared there by the close contact I had just had with it.
I was so put off by the combination of the smell and Ted’s hardening cock that I was stumbling for words. But I managed to thank Ted again as Jess and some of the other guys came up. There was the usual small talk as we headed toward first period, but I sensed there was a tension under the surface. Not too bad. But not normal. Or was it just me?
It was like that all day long. Particularly at lunch. No one mentioned the meeting at Ted’s that evening. No one asked me where I’d been all weekend, or if I’d had a good time doing whatever. No one mentioned Kate. No one even said the word “faggot.” Not once. Not all day long. Weird how things change.
And all the time, Jess hovered beside me protectively, with Ted not far behind. It was one of the few days I was really happy to be in class. That was the only place things seemed completely normal.
The school day finally ended. As I was leaving, Jess asked me to come to his house, but I told him I really just needed some time alone to get my head straight. He apologized without actually saying what he was apologizing for. But I knew it was for what he wasn’t going to say in the meeting. It was OK with me. It really was.
Then as I headed toward the door, Ted came out of nowhere and asked if I could come by about 5:30. The other guys would be there about 6. I’d never been to his house and he thought it would give me a little time to feel comfortable there. You know, make things easier. I said OK.
I went home and sat alone in my room. I didn’t know what I was going to say. I couldn’t really imagine what was going to happen. But I wasn’t as worried about it as I thought I would be. I’d gotten through a day of school. I could get through this.
I had time to kill and studying just wasn’t going to happen. Before I knew it, I was sitting at my computer looking around JustUsBoys.com. I guess I was looking for something Justin had mentioned. Something I knew turned him on sometimes when I wasn’t there.
Then I’d found it. Cumshot Clips. A thread started by rrr0854. Cool. Lots of video clips of guys cumming. This rrr guy, whose picture looks pretty hot, has a great taste in guys. And he seemed to love cum as much as I do. I had to wonder if he was a big cummer too. Or maybe he just liked it. I read his profile. Looked through his gallery, which I liked. And started watching clip after clip after clip.
At some point, I guess I’d freed my boner from my jeans, because I was working one-handed at the computer as I teased my hard cock. I was dripping pre-cum on the keyboard tray. This was cool. Gay porn had never turned me on before, but rrr0854 seemed to have my type of guy pegged. When a guy didn't show his face, which was a lot of the time, I just imagined rrr's head on top of the guy's body. It was working for me. I'd like to see rrr in one of those videos. Anyway, I was edging and enjoying the hell out of it. If I kept this up I was gonna ruin the keyboard with a gusher.
Shit! I’d lost track of the time. I needed to hustle right over to Ted’s. I’d never been inside his folks’ house, but I knew where it was. I’d picked him up and dropped him off a few times. It was a big, fancy house with an incredible lawn. It would be hard to miss.
Ted greeted me at the door and led me to what he called their playroom, a cool room in the basement with a bar, pool table, big screen TV and about all the game paraphernalia anyone could want.
Ted was a cool guy. He always seemed older than the rest of us. Like a college guy. He acted a little more mature than most of my friends. His beard was heavier than most and he just looked older. Like he could pass for 21 with no problem. Probably not get carded some places. But he’d always seemed a little reserved to me and so we’d never been best friends. But now he was going all out to help me through this.
He directed me to sit on one of the bar stools in the playroom, as he leaned back against another bar stool. He was wearing kind of tight sweatpants and I was sure he didn’t have anything on under them. I couldn’t help but notice that he was semi-hard. He had to be. The outline of his cock was incredibly clear. Detailed. I could see the ridge of his cockhead. Each of his nuts. I felt I could almost see where a vein was snaking down the length of his monster. I mean, there was this enormous bulge running down his right leg. Looking sort of trapped. Pulling pretty hard against the stretchy fabric. It look like it would be uncomfortable, but it looked hot as hell to me.
I couldn’t help groping myself and not so subtly readjusting my own growing cock. I never should have watched those Cumshot Clips. And since I had, I should have gone ahead and gotten my rocks off before I went to Ted’s. I should have left my load at home. It sure as fuck wanted out now.
Neither of us was saying a word. Instead, Ted just watched me as I relieved a little cock pressure in my jeans. Then he nonchalantly reached under his own fucking waistband and freed his trapped cock.
Now it was obvious what I was seeing. An impressive show of cock. Major fucking manmeat. I’d seen Ted before when he started to sport wood in his Speedo. That was sometimes enough to pull the elastic waistband a little clear from his abs. But this was more. Much more. His long cock was pushing toward his fucking hip and pushing out. The outline of his shaft and particularly his cockhead was completely clear. He was acting as though nothing was happening. But shit! It was!
I finally asked if he planned to go to the meeting “like that,” and I nodded toward his still growing cock. No, he said, he’d slip into jeans. That was the end of that conversation. I guess I was glad he didn’t ask if I was going to the meeting with the hard-on I was showing.
Instead, he started to explain that the guys should begin arriving in about 10 to 15 minutes. They didn’t know I was going to be there, so I could just be there when they arrived, or could come in at any time I felt comfortable. Which did I want?
I was surprised. I thought the guys knew I was going to be there. I didn’t want this to be a trap or anything. So I said I’d just be there when they arrived.
He started to talk about what he planned to say to get things started. As he talked, he started to change his pants. Taking off his sweatpants. Now I could see unencumbered what had been so obvious even when covered in his sweats. Goddamn the fucker was hung. How had I not noticed this before. He was huge. Long and thick. His cock was about half hard and jutting out to the right. He kept reaching down and scratching his nuts, or pulling on his already enormously long cock. I wasn’t sure why, but I was fascinated and enjoying the fuck out of the show.
Finally I interrupted him and stammered, “Excuse me, but, my god, when did your cock get so fucking huge?” I was embarrassed, but I couldn’t resist.
“I’ve been this big since I was 15 or 16. I’m what some guys call a grower. I don’t look that big soft. Just when I get hard. When I was about 14, I started praying that I’d have a really big cock. It seemed the more I prayed the bigger it got.” With that he started to put on a pair jeans. No underwear. Carrying that fucking torpedo and going commando. That took guts.
As he tried to get his cock in his jeans and close the fly, I said with admiration, “You must have prayed a fuck of a lot.”
“Damn right. And look what it got me. It sounds stupid now, but I really believed that my praying was causing god to give me a bigger cock,” Ted said. “I measured it all the time and pulled it and stretched it. And, of course, beat off. All the time praying it would keep growing. And it did.”
“Oh,” was all I managed in response. Then he went right on talking about his planned introduction. It sounded fine to me, but I have to say my mind was more focused on the biggest cock I’d ever seen rather than the gathering about to begin.
Not only was I astonished and intrigued by Ted’s cock, I was attracted to it. Sexually attracted. Turned on. It was the kind of intense sexual attraction to a guy I had only experienced with Justin until know. More than I had ever had for Jess. Even during yesterday’s three-way. Put simply, I wanted Ted’s fucking cock in the worst way. To see it. Touch it. Hold it. Smell it. Taste it. Suck it. Fuck it. Be fucked by it.
I couldn’t get these thoughts out of my mind. They were triggering the memory of how Ted had smelled that morning when he hugged me. So fucking sexy. The combination of it all was driving me crazy with lust.
Was this how things were going to be once I came out? First a simple hug from Ted and I’m checking out his package. Then cruising Cumshot Clips on JUB and getting all turned on by porn for the first time. Even thinking how I’d like to cum with cute, little rrr. God his picture looks so hot! Then getting the hots for Ted just because he’s showing wood. My god, how many fucking times had I gotten a hard-on today for no reason at all. Sure, I was wearing Justin’s jeans, but give me a fucking break. I wasn’t a little aroused the way they usually kept me. I’d been fucking hard off and on most of the day it seemed. Ted hadn’t done anything. He hadn’t flirted or come on to me in anyway. He just happened to pop a woody and suddenly I was all fucking hot and bothered for him.
I had better get myself under control. Fast.
It wasn’t long before Jess showed up. Jess was surprised I was there ahead of him, but I explained why Ted had invited me early. Fortunately Ted was now changed into his jeans and both of our cocks seemed to have settled down enough it wasn’t too obvious.
“I would have been happy to come with you. It’s the least I can do. I feel so bad about abandoning you this week,” Jess said. Images of Ted and Jess and me in a three-way by the hot tub popped into my mind. I quickly pushed those thoughts aside.
While Ted went off to take care of some last minute things, I told Jess I understood that he had to leave me to deal with this by myself and that I was OK with it. We started talking about his grandmother and his uncle who had married the black woman and his probably gay cousin.
“Maybe he’s hot,” I said of Jess’ cousin. “How long since you’ve seen him?”
“A couple of years,” Jess said.
“He could be a fucking stud by now,” I said. “Are you taking any rubbers?”
“Billy, cool it. He’s my cousin.” With that some other guys came in and the conversation changed from sex to swimming. Then the news that Marty wouldn’t be there because he’d just learned that his girlfriend was prego. With his kid. Now that got everyone talking, including me. It was all so natural and easy. Talking about guys doing it with their girls. Protection. No protection. Fucking luck of the draw.
Finally Ted interrupted asking if anyone needed anything to drink. Sorry, no alcohol, he told them. Then he jumped right in. “OK. I hope we can make this short and sweet, but I thought you guys might want a chance to talk openly and honestly. Ask some questions. Get anything out in the open. Billy’s here and . . . “
“Maybe I should start,” I said, interrupting Ted. “Everyone has heard the rumor by now that I’m gay. I know the rumor started going around Saturday night at the party. I don’t want my friends to feel that they have been left in the dark or that I’ve been hiding something from them. That’s why I’m here. I just want to say for the record that I’m gay.
“I don’t think anyone has to say they’re straight or gay or bi or whatever. But since I’ve always been one of the regular guys, just like you guys, I wanted you to know that I wasn’t trying to deceive you.
“I didn’t even know myself that I was gay until a few weeks ago. I don’t know if I changed from gay to straight. I don’t think so. I think I had just been fooling myself. I had never even let myself consider the possibility that I was gay.
“But now I know that I am and there’s no going back. I hope you guys will come to realize that I’m the same guy I always was. I’m not suddenly gonna become some shower room butt bandit. I’m just the same Billy most of you have known since grade school. I guess that’s all I’ve got to say.” I sat down and looked around. Everyone was just sitting or standing there. There was virtually no reaction.
After a moment, Terry stood up. “So we’re supposed to believe that nothing has changed. Well, I’d say a lot has changed. One week you’re doing girls. The next week you’re doing boys. What’s next week? Dogs? Babies? How are we supposed to trust you when we don’t even know shit about you day to day. You said you didn’t know you were gay, so how do we know that you know who . . . I mean, know what . . . Shit, you know what I mean. We can’t know what you are if you don’t know what you are. And I don’t want somebody like that lurking around in the locker room or the boys’ room or anywhere that I am. And that’s all I got to say.” And he walked out of the room.
Before I could answer, Little Fred stood up. “I still like you Billy,” he began, his voice cracking as he said it. “But do you expect us to double date with you if you’re going out with a guy? Isn’t that kind of awkward?”
Before anyone else could butt in again, I said to Little Fred, “Little Fred, I’ve never double-dated with you and I don’t expect that to change. So it shouldn’t be a problem. OK?”
“Oh, sure. Fine,” he said looking embarrassed. He sat down.
“As for Terry’s comm . . .”
Jess cut me off. “What Terry said was a lot of shit. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I have talked to Billy almost every day since this whole being-gay issue first surfaced for him. And I can tell you that it surprised him and confused him. He really didn’t know if he was gay. And it scared him. And he worried like crazy what you guys would think. It was a terrible, hard time for him. I know. . . . I know because I’ve been through it, too.”
Billy took a deep breath. Looked hard at me. And plunged on. “Billy only started to figure out he was gay after I told him I was gay. I didn’t tell anyone but Billy. And I hadn’t planned to tell anyone today. I’m not as . . . I’m not as something as Billy. I don’t know the word, but until I heard him standing here in front of you guys, I didn’t have the guts . . . I guess that’s the word . . . to tell you. But I can’t let Billy stand up here alone when he isn’t alone at all. I’m gay, too, and I guess that’s all I’ve got to say.”
Silence fell over the room. No one even moved.
“OK, guys. This has been enough,” Scott said as he stood up, his 6’ 6” body towering over everyone. “What Billy is or what Jess is or what I am or what you are is nothing. My older brother is gay. And I saw how he worried and fretted about it. And I let it get to me, too. I didn’t think I knew how to talk to him, or do stuff with him. I was afraid to even talk about it. Then one day, he took me aside and said, ‘Being gay may turn my world upside down or inside out. But it’s got nothing to do with you. It’s for me to deal with, live with. He was right. Nothing had really changed between us. And now he’s got a boyfriend . . . husband . . . whatever you call it. And he’s happy. And when I saw Billy stand up here today, I was happy for him because it looked like he was handling this a lot better than my brother. So that’s enough said. Let’s get out of here.”
There was a general murmur of agreement and people started heading out. Thanking Ted, patting me and Jess on the back or shaking our hands. It felt good. Other than Terry, everyone seemed cool with it.
When the others had gone and it was just Jess and Ted and me, I went over to Jess and gave him a huge hug. “I didn’t think you were gonna say anything,” I said. “Why the change?”
“I couldn’t leave my best friend hanging out alone like that. Especially not after I started the whole thing.”
“What about your parents?” I asked.
“Probably like yours,” he said. “I don’t know. We’ll just have to see what happens. Man I can’t believe I can’t stay and talk this through with you tonight, but things got moved up and we’re leaving in a few minutes.” And before I knew it, he was gone.
Continued tomorrow . . .
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The feedback from the first part of this chapter was fantastic. Thanks for all the kind words about my writing. Keep the praise and the constructive criticism cumming and I'll do my best to keep you cumming . . . er, cumming back for more. Until tomorrow.
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to be helping you.
keeps me cuming for more each week literally
