I thought I was gay...

[ArmanixCowboy426]

My name is Kevin, I'm an 18-year-old virgin, and here's my situation. My whole life, I've believed I was gay, until the beginning of last August. About 2 weeks before my best friend, Sarah, left for college, I started waking up and crying hysterically almost every morning about her leaving. After a few days of this, I realized there was really no reason for me to be so upset about it. So I started thinking and don't get me wrong, I've always know that I love the woman, but my feelings for her were more than that. So I started asking some people how they know that they're gay or straight, and they all had the same, "you just know" answer. And I did some more thinking and I've realized, she is my soulmate. But that doesn't mean much with my sexuality. I always thought of guys, and having relationships with them, but lately I've been noticing girls. So about a week ago, Sarah called me and I just decided to tell her my feelings. All she said was that around January, she had a crush on me, and that was that. She hasn't acknowledged my feelings at all since. Unfortunately, I can't really experiment with girls because, well, I act gayer than a picnic basket, so there's no way any girls would take me seriously if I came on to them. I've never felt this way about anyone before. She and I are so similar that it even freaks our moms out. We have all of the same views and opinions on everything, and we even have the same eyes, the same shape and color. She completes me. We share the same love of cultures, especially the Arabic culture, we both have the same favorite Lebanese singer, Nancy Ajram, we both know all of the words to her songs, but neither of us are Arabian at all. We both took French in high school, even though we didn't know each other when we went to the same school, and we have the same sense of humor. Right now, I'm trying to focus on finding my sexuality, I know I would love to date her or even marry her (which we both feel like marriage is only about insurance and legal formalities) because I see us together for the rest of our lives, but I don't know If I want her in a sexual way. My question is, have any of you ever been in this situation before? Do any of you have any advice? I mean, I really don't care if I'm gay, straight, or bi, I just want to know what I am!!!


Please help me,
Kevin

 

[Blacksheep]

I think it's imperative you figure out what she wants, and what her expectations might be.

I'd also question why you are suddenly so attracted to her. It doesn't really seem that physical since the catalyst to these thoughts was her moving away to college. All it may mean is that you have a really close friendship, it wouldn't be abnormal to be so upset about someone you love moving away. I'd at least give this some thought.

Only thing throwing me off is the fact that you said you've been noticing girls so perhaps you are on the turn. It is a really horrible position you find yourself in. Having said that in all honesty I'd err on the side of caution, you aren't sure you could actually sleep with a woman and even if you could you are risking the possibility of ruining a friendship if it doesn't work out. If you really do have a really close relationship I'd try and chat it out with her again.

 

[chobbs]

While Blacksheep advises you to "err on the side of caution" and not give sleeping with her a shot, I feel that telling yourself that you cant sleep with a woman is only going to leave you about as confused as you are now. If you are having romantic feelings for her, follow through with them. Only you know if you actually love her, and while there are many different kinds of love, there is the potential for you to love one person above all.

I'm not saying to go and sleep with her and see if your dick gets hard, but I am reminding you that there is the possibility that you could fall in love with each other, and it could be beautiful. A mental relationship so intimate would lay out groundwork for physical intimacy, as love can be just as stimulating as that what you find erotic.

Now, there is the possibility that nothing could get you hard for a woman, although you did mention that you've recently been noticing them. If it doesn't work out between you too, not because of the distance, but because of the sex, then at least you know, and you would know where she, and perhaps all women, appropriately fit in your life.

I too face the question of where men and women fit in my life, and I haven't figured it out yet. For me, it seems that women do it mentally for me while men don't, yet I find men extremely erotic. I just can't stand the way guys act! As soon as a man is mentally intimate with me, I don't like it at all. I've dated girls and it has been perfect, everything that is but the sex. I could get it up, and I could fuck, ...in fact, I could make her go nuts. But the drive to do it with her was not as strong as that of the desire to be with a man.

Maybe you're like me, and if you are, I'm stumped as to what to tell you. I just go with the fact that I'm bisexual, attracted to both men and women. While the attractions are different, they are both attractions of love, and love takes many different forms. It helps me, though, if I think of sexuality as something involving many different components, and a mere attempt to define an aspect of our closest relationships with others.

 

[mascbiguy]

youre not into her that way, if you were this problem would have come up way before her moving.

youre just missing a great friend, and a ear/shoulder that was always there for you. sit back, give it a few weeks/months and then see how you feel.

 

[JoshuaGlynn]

You could also be going through the reverse of what happened to me.

The mind is very interesting, and sometimes you can use it to fool yourself, the body however.... can't be fooled. If all you have ever thought of yourself as is Gay, after a while, mentally you can completely block out all opposite sex feelings. That is until that one person flips a switch for you...

For me it was the other way around. My block came from a Christian upbringing. I had convinced myself that I was straight, and blocked out all feelings I had toward the same sex. That was until my best friend, "Sly", confessed his feelings to me one night. I was so Turned a blind eye, that I was repulsed at first when he told me that he had been dreaming about us.

However, it only took one Kiss from him to open my eyes, It was one of those "life flashing before my eyes" moments. I realized that there were a lot of guys I had found attractive at the time, over the years, and completely blocked it out. All because I had convinced myself that I was straight.

I'm not saying that this is the same for you.... but it might be. I confirmed mine later that night when I we made love that first time, but my point is you'll never know for sure until you let yourself try it. And as far as you acting gay and no girl would want to be with you.... you would be surprised!

I have a friend that is very effeminate, and also very straight! We have talked many times about it, and he went though a time of.... "Damn I act gay.... Am I gay?" even tried sex with a guy once, just to see. He just wasn't into it. He just recently married this drop dead gorgeous blond, that could be in magazines!!


Anyway this is just my $.02


Joshua

 

[Rule-Of-Thirds]

Kevin, the best piece of advice anyone can offer you at this moment is to not live with regret. Don't let years of wondering what could have been go through your mind - find out right now! This girl sounds absolutely amazing and completely compliments you. That's not an easy thing for anyone in this world to find.

Plus, when it comes to loving someone I think that love transcends beyond one's sexuality. A loving relationship should be about so much more than sex... our society tries to tell us that the sexual stage is proof of love but I think love can be displayed in so many other ways.

Talk to her and let her know what's going on in your head and take things from there. No one says that just because you confess things with her and talk to her that the both of you should jump right to a sexual level. There's always plenty of time for that stuff. Just be honest with yourselves and take things easy. It could be the best thing ever done. Don't let her slip away.

Keep us posted on what goes on. I'm rooting for you, Kevin. It's the hopeless romantic in me.

 

[chobbs]

any updates buddy? (I'm one to talk, I visit this site on average three times a month)

 

[ArmanixCowboy426]

My only update is that I've googled sexuality and found a scale of sexuality, if you will. It goes from 0-6, 0 being perfectly straight, 6 being perfectly gay, and 3 being evenly bisexual, I figure that I'm around a 4.5, but there's nothing new with Sarah, other than last thursday I did an interview for a friend for his english class, and today I read his analysis. He basically feels that my feelings for Sarah are only my desperate/horny attempts to find a lover and that I'm only bringing her up for attention. He also goes on to call me the biggest waste of life, and says I am one of those people you can only point and laugh at and not respect. Needless to say I had words with the head of the English department, and he's being punished for slander, because the only purpose for the interview was to interview someone and type a transcript, there was no suggestion that comments needed to be made.

 

[chobbs]

Did he validate his feelings, or do you objectively feel that they were simply malicious comments? While there is definately some sort of cruel intention shadowing what you phrased as "the biggest waste of life," you also referred to this fellow as a friend.

While you could absolutely get your panties in a bunch over his analysis, why don't you be the biggest man and just forget about it. Regardless of what he says, you are still in your same situation. You decide how to address your problems, and nobody's words can change that.

However...do you feel that you need someone?

 

[mascbiguy]

My only update is that I've googled sexuality and found a scale of sexuality, if you will. It goes from 0-6, 0 being perfectly straight, 6 being perfectly gay, and 3 being evenly bisexual, I figure that I'm around a 4.5, \.

that woudl be called the kinsey scale

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Kinsey