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I thought i'd solved the problem but now...

rainbow-monkey

rainbow-monkey

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ok so this is the situation. nearing the end of last year (school yr that is) i really fell for this guy at college. he had a lesson in the room next to mine twice a week so i saw him fairly often. so this yr starts and woah he's in my phl class. i seriously nearly freaked out. he's supper hot and really nice, gentle, warm kinda person though incredably reserved. anyways, i talked to him whenever i could, not easy when he's so withdrawn sometimes, and tried to get to know him. a few weeks later my 18th was commin up and i was havin a party to celebrate. i decided that with the help of a bit of alcohol (to give me confidence you know) i'd tell him how i felt.

so about a week before the big day i find out he's straight AND has a girl friend. i was crushed! but i hung on. i decided to not invite him after all. looking back i think i was just angry at him for being straight and having a girlfriend. so i pull the party off and start trying to forget about him, squash my feelings and move on i guess. it worked you see. i rarely thought about him and started looking else where. for a period of 4 or 5 weeks we were working on philosophy coursework kinda thing so lessons were stopped and that practically hammerd the final nail in the coffin. not seeing him twice a week in class anymore help completely push away those feelings completely. i didn't think about him anymore and i moved on.

now classes have started again and i think i've started falling for him all over again. and it's now even worse this time. its like i locked away those feelings from before but now they're back and twice as strong. i dont want to feel like this. i dont see anyway for anything to happen between us. but i cant push those fellings away anymore. i fel like i should have invited him to the party and just told him . just so it was out of my system and i could really move on not just pretend. now i find myself thinking of ways to tell him. not in hope that i cant start somthing but so that i can end it. i really just want to forget and move on but i cant. not again.

and on top of that, i'm terrified that i'll begin to love him because if i cant find somway to stop this i think i may find myself falling in love. i dont knwo what to do. do you think i should tell him? would it help? thanks for reading.
 
rainbow-monkey said:
and on top of that, i'm terrified that i'll begin to love him because if i cant find somway to stop this i think i may find myself falling in love.
Click to expand...

This is not love. It's obsession. And it's unhealthy.

rainbow-monkey said:
i dont knwo what to do. do you think i should tell him? would it help?
Click to expand...

No.
 
i've been through 3 times in a row, i totally understand how you feel.
after you graduate, go to a different college than he, and eventually time will heal your pain.
~Kiss~
 
hmmm yeah i guess you guys are right. it just annoyed me because i thought i'd gotten over him, but your deff right no point in pursuing a sunk ship. right now to find som man candy (*8*)
 
They don't call them crushes for nothing.

...and you're always doomed to disappointment.

Just get out there and find the guys with the same qualities as he has but remember that there is a huge difference between falling for someone and falling in love with them.
 
It doesn't really help you to know it, but falling for unavailable guys is a common problem.

I did a post of some of my lessons learned, not that much of that relates to you, unless you turn it into a pattern.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161266&highlight=Spensed

There's no easy solution. Telling him (given that he has a girlfriend and has shown no sexual interest in you) is like putting your hand in a fire to teach yourself that you'll get burned if you put your hand in a fire. A waste of time.

Your best bet, IMHO, isn't in negative denial of your feelings. It's in channeling those feelings in a positive way in another direction. Follow up on any chances you have of meeting available gay guys (and not just around alcohol), like amateur theatrics, gay social, support, political, sports groups, etc. Ask your gay friends to set you up. You can always say no.

Cliches I know, but, it's good social practice, especially if you like the activity involved anyway, and you're at least raising your odds to something more than zero. If you have any luck at all, you'll find the rewards far exceeds the effort.
 
I would not tell him your feelings. This is your issue, not his, and involving him in any way in this would only complicate things negatively for you.

You have to get away from him, and those things that remind you of him. Falling for straight guys is not uncommon, but there's no easy cure either--except removing yourself from his presence. Then, you can focus on guys who ARE available and are interested in being with another guy.

Good luck to you. I know this isn't easy. (*8*)
 
ok here is an obscure question...were you mad because
a) he was straight? or...
b) he was taken?

c) what if he was gay but taken, would that have made a difference
d) what if he was straight but not taken?
 
Yes, I agree with everyone that you are obsessed over him and it is unhealthy. You need to divert your feelings elsewhere. There's nothing you can do. He's straight. He has a girlfriend.
 
i know you're all right, i just thought i'd be able to move on. i've had crushes that were going nowhere and i moved on. but whenever i see him i still get the clenching of my stomach! good thing the year's almost out, then i wont keep bumping in to him...


123kid said:
ok here is an obscure question...were you mad because
a) he was straight? or...
b) he was taken?

c) what if he was gay but taken, would that have made a difference
d) what if he was straight but not taken?
Click to expand...

a) i was angery becuase he was straight and i'd gotten my hopes up
b) and i was angry because he had a girlfriend too i guess

but mostly i actually think i was angry at myself for trying so hard to get close to him and yet being so hesitent to find out if he was gay or not. i guess i probably already kinda knew but didn't want it to be true.

c) i think it might have been worse, i mean in that situation i would have had a chance if they broke up and it would be alot harder to let go of that
d)i think i would have liked that, at least then i wouldn't feel any resentment towards him and wouldn't have the girlfriend to focus my anger at which i kinda did for a while. good thing i didn't meet her, i would have been such a bitch !oops!

thanx guys, later!
 
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