I totally fucked up!

[slickery]

Awhile ago I had posted a thread about my ex who lives in Auckland. And I had wondered if it was pathetic of me to chase him, and thus buy a plane ticket over to Sydney for a fun filled weekend.

Well I did, I bought a ticket for him a little over a month....turns out it was the dumbest thing I ever could've done. In that months time, both of us have found someone new. Oddly enough they both have the same name. And in my opinion the new guy I have found completely trumps the ex in every respect, and I am happy with him.

All was going well, and in 3 weeks I was looking forward to a fun holiday with the ex as just friends. Since he's never been to Sydney, I was really looking forward to showing him the ropes.

Upon talking to him today, he reveals he is seeing someone new. Doesn't bother me, because I as well have moved on. But then I asked "isn't this new guy at all curious why your going to visit your ex in another country while he is footing the bill?" He says that his current is ok with everything and that he "explained our whole relationship to him" and he said his current understood why we would never hook up.

Fair enough, people break up for a reason. BUT the thing that really pisses me off is the fact that he said he explained the whole relationship to him, and justified the fact that I am footing him a trip over to see me. I know it sounds crazy, and it is all my fault for offering to pay, YET if he truly had no intentions towards me he should never have accepted! Not to mention the fact I don't know for certain what he said to his current, and they could be sitting over in that pisspoor excuse for a country laughing at me! Fully knowing that he's able to take advantage of me because he knows just the right things to say at just the right time.

Like I said, it all (meaning me) might sound a little if not completely crazy for even doing this. Now I can't help but beat myself up over this. The ticket is nontransferrable so it's not like I could give it to another friend or use it for myself. I'm on the verge of telling him "fuck it don't even bother coming." I've also cut all forms of communication and wrote him an email saying I'll just see you in three weeks at the airport. Which I think is best because I do nothing but get riled up whenever I talk to him. I also don't want him to ruin anything that I may have my current.

I don't know why I get myself into these pickles, but wish sometimes that I didn't just think with my dick! But I just want him out of my life for good, but now I have to wait an inevitable 3 weeks to do it. I even told him he can't come to Sydney if he's got a boyfriend, not because I'm planning on getting anything from him, but I know when I take him out here he's going to go wild like a kid in a candy store. Not to mention I have a couple very protective and blunt friends who I fear might give him a very stern talking to.

I think I'm done, I just needed to rant is all. It's not that I'm upset with him, I'm upset with myself for being such a sucker, a sucker for someone I don't even want nonetheless. Oh well life goes on.

 

[Telstra]

ok, if you don't want to meet him anymore,
why don't you find some excuse not to meet him.

 

[G-Lexington]

I didn't chase down the original thread, if I remember correctly, when you invited him to spend the weekend with you, you were already exes. You were doing this because you were lonely and missed him. Which, yeah, is a bit pathetic, but understandable.

But now you're pissed because he apparently "didn't have any intentions towards you" when he accepted? In other words, he should've only accept an invitation to see his ex if...what? He's willing to make it worth your while? With some rumpy-pumpy? I thought it was "if I pay his way, maybe he'll come back to visit me", but apparently, you thought it was "if I pay his way, maybe he'll come back to me".

I have a feeling you may have the right idea in telling him not to come. Not for your benefit, but for his.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Here's the original thread.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=241671

And here's the advice you were given and didn't take (which is always your choice)

You are pinning for this guy and it is hampering your efforts to move on. Of course with any type of relationship it takes time to move on and clear things out of your system. With that said are you ready to do what it takes to put this in the past and get out there and meet some new potential mates? Until you deal with this little road block you aren't.

 

[slickery]

But see my problem with him is I tend not to think rationally when it comes to him. Because my better judgement was sayin that it would all turn to shit once I bought the ticket. Because since I had bought it over a month ago, a lot of thingshave changed with me as well.

It may be 10% that he's seeing someone new that irritates me. Afterall he did dump me and I'm not supposed to see him happy. As we have become a bit like frienemies. We're fine when here is no third parties involved. But like I said I'm just more pissed off at the fact about what he is telling people about me, and I'm always coming off as the pathetic crazy ex.

Oh well, I'd tell him not to come, but it's my $500 gone to waste. I'm also not really that concerned with him and his dealings, but it's like I said when we do talk he knows just the right things to say to push my buttons. Then I just get insanely pissed off and it takes about to day to cool off. So I've cut communication off with him so I don't say anything stupid.

And G-Lex youre fully right. I did have some underlying NSA intention at the time when I purchased the ticket for him. Fair enough right? I'd also love for him not to come for his own benefit, but I am going to try my hardest to be as civil as possible.

Now I'm just rambling. In any case, I've got 3 weeks to forget about him. See him for 5 days and pretend there has been no history between us, and then cast him off into the pool of guys that can get fucked.

 

[KaraBulut]

But see my problem with him..

When a reply begins with a "but" it usually means that we're going in the wrong direction.

So- did you learn anything from this experience?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Afterall he did dump me and I'm not supposed to see him happy.

Why not? Some obscure passage in the gay bylaws I don't know about? If you're happy with your new guy, then why wouldn't you want him happy, too? Or, more specifically, why would you want him unhappy? He's not yours anymore. You've moved on, right?

...Right?

>>>I did have some underlying NSA intention at the time when I purchased the ticket for him. Fair enough right?

Fair enough to have them, sure. But to get pissed at him for not having them, too? It's one thing to wish and hope that he'll crawl back into bed with you. It's another to get angry if he doesn't feel the same way. And how on earth can you be angry about that NOW, when you've supposedly gotten another boyfriend?

>>>I'm also not really that concerned with him and his dealings, but it's like I said when we do talk he knows just the right things to say to push my buttons. Then I just get insanely pissed off and it takes about to day to cool off...Oh well, I'd tell him not to come, but it's my $500 gone to waste.

Oh, sure. Wouldn't want to miss that soap opera. Look, let's say you woke up one morning and found out that, while totally drunk, you paid $250 to have some guy come to your place, chain you up, and whip you senseless next week. (Further assume that you don't actually LIKE any of this stuff.) Would you go through with it, because gee, you wouldn't want that $250 to be wasted? Wouldn't a call saying "Look, I've changed my mind - keep the $250" be $250 well-spent?

Seriously, I'd urge you with all possible urges to tell him not to come. Tell him the truth - you've both moved on, it's probably not a good time to see him - or lie through your teeth and tell him you're going out of town, or are too busy. And just write off the $500 already. Surely your mental health is worth $500? And then, stop talking to this guy already. He's not doing you any good.

Lex

 

[slickery]

Well it's not like I would have to make up an excuse to tell him not to come. I would just blatantly say I do not want you here, so don't bother coming. He can change the ticket and come on his own time I suppose, but not on mine.

I don't know. As it stands now I have one of two options, tell him to get fucked and not come, or just grin and bear it while he is here. I suppose I will have to wait closer to the date to think about it, and also see where things go with the guy I'm currently seeing.

Another thing he said when I said I think it's best we don't speak until you come and even if he doesn't come to visit me to not let the ticket go bagging, he told me "I care about you too much to do something like that to you" To which I replied that he knows just the right things to say to keep me keen. Obviously he didn't understand what I was saying. But that is the kind of shit he tells me to keep me hanging on, tells me how much he cares about me and how much I mean to him. Which is why I can't talk to him.

Like I said we are frienemies. I've had some in the past. Friends for the sake of appearances because your lives are too intertwined to be full on enemies since we share the same circuit of friends.

And I did learn something from this experience. People are exes for a reason, and to not try to fix things by throwing money at it, and frankly not to open my wallet up to anyone!

 

[G-Lexington]

You can't talk to him, but you'll share five days with him? Hey, it's your funeral, buddy, but there IS a third option - or, rather, a better version of one of yours. You don't have to tell him to "get fucked". You can just say "Look, I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to come right now."

I'll admit the whole idea of "frenemies" is a foreign one to me. Yeah, I have friends who have friends that I'm not keen on. But I just tolerate them. I'm civil, but we don't communicate outside of the "big get-together" times. No drama. But I'm getting the idea that this idea doesn't appeal to you. The gargoyle can be a bit thick at times.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

I think Frenemies came from one of those gawdawful reality shows like The Hills.

Methinks ye may not be done with learning.

 

[looseliam]

I'd say cancel the ticket, waste the money if you can't get a refund, and move along.