I typed this into my best friend's facebook chat, deleted it.

[sparks10]

But i copied it to come here to make my first post ever:

i wanna tell you so much. but i cant. not now. probably not ever. i wish i could talk to you. open my heart to you. its just not me right now. i wish it was. it could change so much between us. and maybe thats what i fear. id rather have you not know and be friends, even on the edge like we are now, than face the dire consequences of a negative reaction you'd probably have. i dont know why i think you'd react negatively. hell, you might even be positive. make all my dreams come true. but thats all they are. dreams.

=/

 

[MoltenRock III]

Um.... ok......

So what was anyone supposed to devine thru the tea leaves from that?

Are you simply trying to come out as gay to him?

 

[Willie Boy]

If he's your best friend he most likely already knows, but doesn't care. That's the thing about real friends, your sexuality isn't an issue. Work on being able to tell him. He'll probably say something like, "Really? I never would have guessed!" with a smile on his face. Then he'll get a straight face and say he is a bit disappointed that it took you so long to "trust" him.

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome. Being in the closet and being in love with a friend is common. It comes from the fact that we like things easy. This guy likes me; I like him. Wouldn't it be great if we loved each other? Falling for a friend should serve one purpose. It should help indentify what qualities to look for in a guy when searching for a boy friend.

 

[sparks10]

thanks, i think i know what i need to do

 

[TX-Beau]

OK, I'm not sure what's going on either, but if you're in the closet, this guy doesn't know, and you're also infatuated with him; DO NOT carpet bomb the poor guy.

Tell him you're gay sure, but the above would send me running for the hills, that basically drops all of your issues right on his head. That's not being a friend.

Telling him you're gay does not demand a response. Telling him you're gay and want him, especially with the melodramatic, OTT, hyper drama of the tone of that, demands that he respond.

And what kind of position does that put him in? Do you really want to do that to a friend?

Relax, walk away from the drama, moderate your tone. Don't drop all of that on anyone all at once.

It's selfish to do that to someone.

 

[Telstra]

Take your time. Then take big breaks in between.
Take as much time as possible and think through before you do things.

 

[MoltenRock III]

This goes for both the OP and the entire generation raised on txtg and FB'ing:

You do not "come out" on someone else's FB page or Myspace or any electronic means. You do not text them, "I'm gay, I think I love you" or any such nonsense. You don't do it over the phone either. You have a face to face, heart to heart, conversation about this. Study after study show that emails have a 40% rate of the receiver getting a different message than the one you intended to send. Texts are over 50%. With something so important you cannot, must not, use these very limited communication avenues to talk about something.

"But... but..... but.... Molten, I'd get too emotional or__________, to do it in person". Yeah? Tough! Deal with it. Why? Because someone who isn't gay doesn't understand the pain and agony that it is to be gay and come out for the first time, and the years of self-hate most all us went thru. How can any human be mad or upset at another who is so torn up inside, and filled with pain, and apprehension to tell such a dark secret? Trust me your friendship will grow much closer. (**Note I did not say to confess your love to a str8 guy***)

Face to face come across as genuine. Doing it on someone's FB page comes across as drama.

 

[backpacker]

Your message is pretty cryptic. Unless he already suspects, then the message would probably confuse the issue even more.

First off, don't use Facebook. Something like this needs real communication. Once you give him the news, you are going to want some type of feedback. A posting on Facebook could have you waiting indefinitely for a response. You need to tell him in person that you are gay. If you don't think you can get the words out, write a brief note and hand it to him. Make sure he reads it while you are there.

Second, if you are attracted to him, definitely don't tell him at this time. Tell him that you came out to him because you don't want to hide in the closet. If he is at all interested in you in that way, he'll let you know. Keep in mind that he will need some time to process the information, so don't expect anything immediately. You can always ask him if he knows of anyone that may be interested in dating you.

Since he's your best friend he probably has questioned in his mind your sexuality at some point. It's just too hard to hide it from people that know you that well. Given that he hasn't already tried to distance himself from you is a good sign. Good luck!