On Topic Discussion I used my (former) friend, and I'm not sure it's wrong

[NotHardUp1]

I'm in the midst of a job change. My company is closing my factory and I was wanted to move to the receiving site and oversee my product line there.

The new site is a good workplace with talented people and a supportive staff, but I detect that, like most defense and aerospace companies, this site is only begrudgingly tolerant of gays. I'm out and go out of my way to make casual reference to it in everyday conversation ("my boyfriend used to tell me . . . "), while avoiding the only-gay-in-the-village syndrome.

So, in addition to decorating my cubicle with flair, I bought a small three-frame picture holder and put one pic of myself with a neighbor who is my mother's age and a sort of foster mom to me, one pic of another good friend with his dog, and one pic of a former friend and his partner. The third pic is the one I refer to in the thread title. We had a falling out over a year ago, and are not really close any more. I keep up with him and their happiness, but it's almost all one-way.

Still the pic in question is undeniably of a gay couple. They are lying on the grass, wearing Raybans, and with heads ear-to-ear in a North/South juxtaposition. It's only a head shot, but no straight guys would have their pics taken in such an intimate juxtaposition.

I figure that it leaves no room for those who accept me because I might "pass" for straight. As I start in my new place, I want to be out and proud in a bit more visible way.

And no, I don't have any pic of me and my former boyfriend together, so this is as close as I have. And to be clear, this former friend was never my boyfriend, just a close gay friend.

Am I wrong to put the pic out as "family"?

 

[rareboy]

Nah. I'm sure that a lot of people use pics of friends to create some kind of context for themselves in a new situation without pinning up rainbow pins or other tokens. In this case, it says that you either have a family member or friend who is a homo and while I'm sure no one will bother or care, if someone asks who the guys are in the pic...you can always tell them that it is a former partner/boyfriend and ease into a conversation that way.

I suspect you'll probably replace it with a pic of cute puppies after a while.

 

[kallipolis]

Men at some time are masters of their fates.
The fault, dear Iassonas, is not in our stars
But in ourselves...for fortune favours the brave....but....
Tread wisely, for few share our idealistic path to the stars.

 

[NotHardUp1]

Actually, the big boss' secretary, who has been very helpful and is a divorcee approaching retirement, went out of her way to ask me "are those your nephews in the pictures on your desk."

My response was "no, it's a friend and his partner." She didn't react negatively. I'm sure the engineers will be the ones I need to watch out for.

Her son works two aisles over from me and is about 32 and lives in her basement. He's about to move out on his own. I think he's gay too, but I doubt publicly. We'll see.

 

[eastofeden]

Not at all IMO...and whether it is then or now...you have probably considered them as family..yes?

....and I love the way you present yourself I make casual references as well so I don't pass as straight too. I am kinda insulted when someone thinks I am straight..seriously..I do not like it.

I put the rainbow flag sticker on my register in my shop the first day I opened....and now that you mention it....25 years later and a few registers later...I need a new one

 

[NotHardUp1]

Tread wisely, for few share our idealistic path to the stars.

Thanks. I've been fully out at my current site. My general manager is the same, as he is over all the division. I'm pretty sure he knows by the way he KEPT repeating "so you COOK?" a year or two ago. I think I'm some sort of personal acceptance goal for him. He's a pretty traditional Italian, but I think progressive, despite his initial tendencies. He's the one who backed me and asked me to move for him.

Ultimately, I feel a responsibility to lead by example. With over 750 employees at the new site, there must be easily at least 20-30 gays minimum. But, like in most of the conservative science and aerospace companies, they are a silent presence. I want them to have a visible peer who is in the ranks of management, not in HR or some other soft discipline, but among the decision makers.

 

[gsdx]

As long as you don't have pictures of your friends' rockets scattered about your desk...

 

[NotHardUp1]

As long as you don't have pictures of your friends' rockets scattered about your desk...

The Thermite ones or other?

 

[Kabluey]

The Thermite ones or other?

Probably the thermite.

You're pretty good at reading a situation. Suspect you'll find a way for it to be known without others feeling uncomfortable. As for your friend's photo, just think about whether he'd appreciate you having it on display.

 

[tarallucci]

Your coherence and courage are to be admired, I am somehow trying to do the same.

It is your space, but you also seem to be doing this to let them know. I don't think it's always necessary to make allusions about our sexuality.

Given the environment, it might look unusual or be seen as a provocation but when you are respectful and doing your job I don't think they can at least fire you.

 

[peeonme]

Work was a place where I tried to leave religion and sexuality at home. Add politics to the mix as well.
It never worked, the atheists could sniff me out pretty quick, to them I was "bible thumper" though I never quoted a verse.

I can't tell you how many guys tried to find out "what was wrong with me", my boss would say "I would love my son, even if he was gay" or another guy would want to talk to me about a female cousin who was marrying a girl. Imagine their shock when I would say "nothing wrong with being gay".

As for the picture, it's a picture, you can get all kinds off of the internet and be who ever you choose.