I Wanna KILL my idiot husband!!!!!!!

[NickCole]

I don't understand why you're so enraged.

What was his betrayal? He gave a woman the opportunity to have a baby.

He didn't take anything from you -- it's not like you could do something with that sperm to make a baby, or that he couldn't give you some right now if you wanted it.

I don't really see what his donating sperm has to do with you.

Children that should have been OURS, are being raised by some ugly lesbians, or worse, by some fucking thirtysomethings that are probably bigots and religious fanatics, and will teach them to hate people like us.

There's no reason to believe any of this is true. Maybe the child/children are being raised by wonderful loving people.

 

[looseliam]

Did you ask him why he donated the sperm?

I can understand some amount of anger here, but don't be too hard on him.

Have you two discussed how you two would like to have children?

 

[looseliam]

You really need to sit down and try and talk this through with your husband.
He might not have thought anything wrong with it at the time. Who knows, he might be feeling something awful right now.

Is surrogacy an option? Can you adopt out of country?

 

[MindBlast]

You shouldn't have kicked him out. I would take it back, and FAST. Love like what you have (or HAD) is pretty damn rare. It's too valuable to lose over something this...trivial.

He hasn't cheated on you. All he did was donate sperm. The point of sperm donation is completely anonymous. His might still be frozen. All traces of whose is whose are removed. You'll never know if they were even used or if they were viable or not.

How about you do a little more work and try to find a child from an orphanage? My aunt is single and adopted a child from Russia.

It sounds to me like you're projecting your frustrations onto your husband, and that's WRONG in my opinion. Go apologize now.

 

[rareboy]

You need to take a deep breath and re-evaluate your expectations of your relationship. There is a measure of possessiveness here that borders on destructive.

You seem to be more upset by the missing sperm than you are about the fact that he did not share something as important as this with you. He probably figured as long as he was jerking off, he might as well get paid for it......or maybe he really does have this desire to spread some DNA around.

At this point the reactions sound overly emotional and you need to just take a more logical and dispassionate approach to the situation. Do you realy think this is grounds to kick someone out? How dangerous. In our Household, we'd keep them around just to punish with silence until it was time to suck it up and move on.

Tell him you are angry, forgive him and get on with your lives. You might also want to seek some actual counselling because the depth of rage is disproportionate to the actual transgression.

Good luck.

 

[RACERX71]

Wow you really have some anger issues ! I really think you are overreacting ! if my bf even reacted half as bad as you did it would be see ya !!

 

[MindBlast]

POSESSIVENESS?? MY ASSS!!!!!
In fact we have an open relationship, we ¨play¨ with other people, and it has never been a problem with us.

We were going to adopt a baby, but the mother didn´t wanted us, because we are gay. We had our dreams and illusions shattered. We have been dealing with this just very recently.... And I don´t know, I am just in the point were if I can´t have children with him, then nobody can.

If you're that upset about it, maybe HE'S the one better off without YOU.

 

[cellular]

First of all, dont throw away all that love with your husband because of this issue. As a gay man myself, im also thinking of donating my sperm one day as that will be the only way i can have children and to pass on my genes. I dont think thats a selfish wish. Everyone has the wish to see the next generation someday.

 

[TriBi]

I'm sorry - but I must agree with the others. You appear to be acting in a possessive, self centred, and irrational manner. What's more you appear to have serious anger issues.

To me that is indicative of someone who is totally unprepared to be a parent.

 

[rareboy]

I'm also thinking that maybe being a parent wouldn't be a very good thing for you.......if you are this pissed with the hubby, I fear your reactions to some of the things that children would do. Sounds like you have a lot of maturing to do yet and if you are as volatile in dealing with the adoption agencies and others as you are on line, it is no wonder that you are having trouble being approved as parents.

I do think though that on re-reading the posts, a divorce might be the best thing for both of you.

 

[Eagle653]

I'm sorry - but I must agree with the others. You appear to be acting in a possessive, self centred, and irrational manner. What's more you appear to have serious anger issues.

To me that is indicative of someone who is totally unprepared to be a parent.

My thoughts exactly.

First off, kicking your husband out of the apartment for donating sperm is childish. At the very least, you should have discussed your thoughts about this beforehand before either one of you did something. When he did--probably innocently--you totally over-reacted.

Second, have you ever heard of surrogate parenthood? It's easy, and if he forgives you for your temper-tandrum, it's something I would investigate--later on, when you've done some work on yourself and get some more maturity.

Third, you're jealous--jealous of people who are having babies. That's understandable, but recognize it and be realistic about it. This isn't about your husband jacking off into a cup to donate sperm. It's about you wanting a child.

I'd be very worried about you having a child until you did some growing up. Sorry.

 

[NickCole]

I think you are all right, I should calm down and talk to him. I am amazed at the intensity of my anger, but I feel decieved.

There may be no worse feeling in the world than feeling deceived or betrayed by someone who loves you.

And whether or not it's justified, if you feel it you and your husband need to deal with it.

I am just sooo jealous of the people who are going to raise his children, meanwhile we have to cope up with heartbreak.

That's understandable.

Remember that you and your husband are a team, though. He's not the enemy.

It just gets in my nerves that his genes (and its not my place to say so, but we are a very good looking couple ) will be mixed with some ugly people. Am I a bad person for thinking that?

You're not a bad person. You would be smart, however, to realign your priorities.

I don´t know...
I think, he and I must go to couple therepy and try to find some solution.

That's a good idea.

You might also want to go into therapy for yourself alone.

It's good that you know your feelings and don't bottle them up but your response is destructive -- to yourself and to your relationship, and your ability to parent. There's a way that will make your life easier to live, your disappointments easier to accept, and a good therapist can help you find it.

Your passion is wonderful; you only need to learn how to control and channel it.

Fix it with your husband. He didn't mean to hurt you. He's on your side.

 

[Elwood]

Well I am glad to see you have calmed down. Beside that I do not even know what else to say, just stay calm and discuss this with him. I think your reaction was way over the top. Throwing him out for this?? You are lucky he is still talking to you. I mean the way I look at it is, he did something nice by donating his sperm to help who ever wants a baby and can't have one for what ever reason. Then you jump down his throat and throw him out? Man think of what you have done??? Count to ten the next time

 

[nsguy2]

You may not get the chance and to be honest, It'll be your own fault. Sorry.

 

[Theyoungman]

Dude. Their his kids... It had nothing to do with you at the time. And if you kill him, I will make sure you get what you deserve.

 

[spreadeagle]

Quite clearly you have NOT shared everything since you were teenagers or you would have discussed and explored all the implications of sperm donation and reached an agreed position on it long before it became a reality. You haven't made it clear if the sperm donorship was made before, or since your marriage.

Presumably you will want to monitor and contain every one of your matital partner's ejaculations now since every one of them contains millions of his potential children.

 

[NickCole]

You are not an awful person.

You over reacted and behaved badly. I doubt it's the first time your husband has seen you do that. You can't undo what you've done or unsay what you said, but you can take responsibility for it, apologize for it, tell him how ashamed you feel and make a concerted effort to learn how to behave more reasonably in the future.

Be close with him physically, but try to talk with him as well. It's not good for either of you or your relationship that you don't discuss problems. If you talk, you can help each other. Don't push too hard if it's uncomfortable but open up a conversation so hurtful things that have been said don't pile up. Don't blame him; share with him.

Just love him and let him love you. You're a good man with a good heart. Try not to compound the problem by feeling too awful about it because that could turn into another drama. It's done. Do what you can to make amends. And if he forgives you, move on.

 

[luminum]

You seem to have come to your senses, so I deleted my post.

I'm glad to see that you understand the implications of your actions and hopefully all will be solved.

Just remember to keep your frustrations in perspective and to direct it at the right target or goal. It's not about lashing out at the ones who you love and who love you, it's about focusing your energy into resilience and strength to keep going until you get a child and can love it like you should.

 

[Revan46]

your taking this way way too serious. your husband gave a mother who can't breed babies a chance to have a baby. so what if it came fromo your husband's sperm, you'll still get a chance. just trust your husband at least he told you.

 

[wentworth]

I just found out that the idiot I am married with a couple of years ago donated sperm!!! I am sooo FURIOUS, I just want to kill him.

For some months now I have wanted to have children, you know (but biologically is imposible, seeing that we are both guys), and the adoption process is so difficult and expensive. And to think that some children have been fathered by MY husband it just feels like a slap in the face. Children that should have been OURS, are being raised by some ugly lesbians, or worse, by some fucking thirtysomethings that are probably bigots and religious fanatics, and will teach them to hate people like us.

I am so fucking furious with that asshole, I dont know what to do. I have kicked him out of the apartment and I am considering divorce.
It just pains me so much, because, even tough we are still very young (24), we have been lovers since high school, and taking advantage of the new legislation here in Spain we just got married last year.
Please HELP!!!!!!!!

1. Children are not your "adorable little property".

2. Go get counseling--for yourself.

I for one am glad you cannot have children. This post has got to be facetious.