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I want a different life. This isolation is crippling me, and I've no power to change.

chickenguy that center sounds really good and like a very good start to get your feet wet! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!
 
My advice is start planning to move out. Do what you do already, live a shut-in lifestyle, but do it on your own. It won't solve your problems, but dealing with a new environment will help you build confidence in yourself in general, and when you live there, there are so many more ways to discover yourself. Find an apartment and go for it.
 
Looks like Edinburgh or Glasgow would be a huge improvement over where you live. For gay men, small towns are okay if they're in a very liberal area or close to a major city, otherwise it's loneliness for homosexuals looking for companionship.

Good luck with the visit, and listen to that little voice in the back of your mind saying I could live here!
 
I came to this thread a little late, CG, but have read the other posts and wholeheartedly agree with everything that the other JUBBERS have said. All the best with the visit. I hope it all works for you!

Let us know how it goes.
 
ChickenGuy said:
So, there's a possibility for a visit, at the very least, to Edinburgh in a month's time. I could 'test the waters' and see if I like the place.
Click to expand...


I'm posting from Edinburgh right now!

This evening, I summoned up the courage, and went to the LGBT centre.

I'd arranged by phone for one of the volunteers to meet me there and show me the place, which she did. This was also the evening of their drop-in gathering, so I agreed that she could introduce me to everybody. There was about 12 or 14 guys there, 3 women volunteers, one person whose gender I couldn't quite tell, and one dog. :lol: (a black labrador)

They were a very friendly and down-to-earth bunch, and we all sat around this room, and got tea and biscuits, and it was all very relaxed. So the pride march is on Saturday, which I'll be going to with them. On the Friday, the film night is on, and they're showing some sort of independent short gay-themed movie or something. Also, I saw the guy who's in charge of the jogging and badminton clubs (a really fit-looking, smooth, muscular guy, with very striking eyes :lol:) and he said that I was very welcome to come to the badminton at a sports centre on Sunday - no experience required - and one of the others there, he said that he'd be there and have a spare racket with him that I could have. And I chatted with another of the guys there, my age, and he was really friendly (there's actually three or four of them there, that are all within a year of my age)

I've also got a few leaflets and programs - there's plenty of information at that place. There's a magazine as well of events and stuff all round Scotland.

So there we go - all that on my first day here (I only arrived in the city this lunchtime)

I'll be down here a week, at the very least. I've not given myself a set time for returning home.

So, what happens after a week, who knows....

:wave:
 
Sounds like you're jumping in with both feet...and having an excellent time. Kick ass! :D

Lex
 
you go girl :gogirl: err .. chicken! no wait .. not a chicken anymore. you go big boy! that sounds all very good :)
 
So here you go.

There is a whole wide world out there and lots of great people to meet in it.

I wish you only the best for seizing the day.
 
ChickenGuy said:
I'm posting from Edinburgh right now!

This evening, I summoned up the courage, and went to the LGBT centre.

I'd arranged by phone for one of the volunteers to meet me there and show me the place, which she did. This was also the evening of their drop-in gathering, so I agreed that she could introduce me to everybody. There was about 12 or 14 guys there, 3 women volunteers, one person whose gender I couldn't quite tell, and one dog. :lol: (a black labrador)

They were a very friendly and down-to-earth bunch, and we all sat around this room, and got tea and biscuits, and it was all very relaxed. So the pride march is on Saturday, which I'll be going to with them. On the Friday, the film night is on, and they're showing some sort of independent short gay-themed movie or something. Also, I saw the guy who's in charge of the jogging and badminton clubs (a really fit-looking, smooth, muscular guy, with very striking eyes :lol:) and he said that I was very welcome to come to the badminton at a sports centre on Sunday - no experience required - and one of the others there, he said that he'd be there and have a spare racket with him that I could have. And I chatted with another of the guys there, my age, and he was really friendly (there's actually three or four of them there, that are all within a year of my age)

I've also got a few leaflets and programs - there's plenty of information at that place. There's a magazine as well of events and stuff all round Scotland.

So there we go - all that on my first day here (I only arrived in the city this lunchtime)

I'll be down here a week, at the very least. I've not given myself a set time for returning home.

So, what happens after a week, who knows....

:wave:
Click to expand...

After a week,
  • your life will be different,
  • you've already broken from isolation, and
  • you now know you have the power to change.

It is the first of many ways in which you can wield this newfound power. Remember to push yourself, but also pace yourself. Push so as not to become complacent, and pace so as not to be overwhelmed.

I am 36 or 37 or something. Lets go with 37 so it doesn't look like I'm trying to understate my age. I can barely remember what it felt like to be literally shaking as I walked through the door of an office like that the first time, subtly jamming my hands down the edge of the seat cushion for a couple of minutes until I could move without shaking while the staff explained the services of a gay community centre. It was exhilarating! But just being myself is such an in-grained part of my life now, it almost seems trivial - it almost seems like another life. It was also 16 years ago! It is honestly hard to remember the courage it took for me to get there, until I read an account like yours, which is a very authentic account of the same kind of struggle, and it all comes rushing back.

Never doubt that you have made your way into path of freedom, a journey you will take in the company of many others here and at home, and a journey, for at least some part of the way, in the footsteps of those who have gone before. To be honest, your story also annoys me as it shows the path to being oneself as a gay man is still too often hidden, depending on where you live, family setting, culture, etc.

Yet, it was easier when I came out because of the trailblazers that had gone before. May it be easier still for those who follow. And if there is any advice we can give to help you along the way, please ask. I know I do.
 
So I went on my first pride parade on Saturday! (!)

There was a good crowd there - many hundreds of people, guys and girls, of all ages, from all sorts of organisations, and it was great fun, and people were dressed in all kinds of costumes, and there was loads of whistles and noise, and I helped carry one side of a large Pride Scotia banner most of the way (which was the official name of the event)

Then everyone congregated at the far end of Princes Street, and it was bustling with energy down there. There were freebies and leaflets and stuff being handed out. I even got my hands on some condoms and lube! :eek: LOL! I'd never properly seen either before! (I doubt they'll ever be put to their PROPER use, though :lol:) and there were stalls out from different organisations, community groups, health advice and support, even the police and fire brigade.

And today (Sunday) I went to a sports centre and played badminton with a group that is advertised at the LGBT centre, and met some more gay/lesbian people. It's amazing how quickly you can pick that game up - I hadn't played in 18 years! A few of us hung around in the sun afterwards, got ice-creams, and chatted - friendly people, all of them.

There's such a great atmosphere each evening in this part of Edinburgh, when I go out to eat. All the gay bars and gay clubs are situated in this same area as where I'm staying, and it is also where the main theatre is, so you can see stage performers and dance troupes rushing along the street for the night's show, mixing with the gay crowds (who wear all sorts of fashions and hairstyles). It's all so relaxed, and the evenings are bright and warm. Everyone - men, women, young, old, gay, straight - having a good time. :D

And who would have thought, back when I was 18, when I was frightened to go even into the centre of my tiny litttle town on weekend nights because groups of people made me anxious, that I would one day be able to do all that, without the slightest hint of fear or nervousness. ..|

There is still a dilemma, however, about what I should do next, because I'm checking out of this hotel on Tuesday morning. I think I'll leave that post for tomorrow, because this is already too long. I'll be reflecting, and considering my options tonight. :wave:
 
Can't begin to describe how happy I am to read all of this. :D
 
Very awesome! Congratulations on all you have accomplished thus far!!
 
CG, congratulations.

It seems a little queer to congratulate someone on taking a holiday, but I know it is much more than that. :)
 
I should have said this before - thanks to everyone for their kind and supportive messages. I'm very grateful. :=D:

So, I'm now faced with a bit of a dilemma. I'm leaving this hotel tomorrow morning, in only 12 hours time, and despite this, I STILL haven't the slightest idea what I'm going to do. :confused:

I'm a bit conflicted and confused, although not in a bad or desperate way - it's just trying to figure out how to take things forward, and how to continue my progress.

1. Do I continue travelling around the country, and try to find other cities that offer similar things?
2. Do I attempt to stay permanently here, and find a rented apartment and some sort of work?
3. Do I return back home, take time out, reflect on my experiences, and consider my options?

:help:

There are pros and cons of each option:

1. Pro - I might find a better city, with more activities/support, and broaden my horizons.
1. Con - I might end up desperately searching and scrambling for things that aren't available.

2. Pro - I've already made contacts and met guys here, I know the city now, and I like being here.
2. Con - Am I really ready for going it on my own, entering the job market, and settling down here?

3. Pro - Taking stock of my situation, getting advice from family, and making informed decisions.
3. Con - I risk falling back into old habits, over-analysing, and losing all my momentum for change.

:help:

One thing has become abundantly clear to me, however. There is just SO MUCH MORE opportunities and possibilities for my future, and the life I want to live, in places like this.

At home, I was shut off, isolated, in a closed-minded island town, with little work, and no friends. :(

Here, I find people just like me, support and advice whenever I need it, an open-minded, liberal, and accepting city, possible friends to meet up with, better career options, activities, events, chances for a healthier lifestlyle, and bars and clubs full of countless gay guys. It's all being offered to me, right here. :D

But do I have the confidence? Am I capable of such permanent massive and profound changes to my life? Can I adapt to such a huge lifestyle shift?

P.S. I STILL haven't the slightest idea what I'm going to do tomorrow.

:help:
 
Well, if you like it, you can try to stay and make a go of it. You always have going home (even temporarily) as a fallback.

Congratulations, btw. (*8*)
 
I think I could answer the questions a little better if I had an idea of your financial situation.

How could you afford to stay there? Who supports you when you are home? How would you afford to go to another city? Are you well off?

Unless you really want to go to a bigger city, I'd say you are best staying in Edinburgh if you can afford it. You may never feel truly ready to move, but you never know how that will go unless you go for it!

I'm focusing on a similar move to Boston!

Good luck!
 
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