I want my ex back

[veryhotguy]

I have been in a relationship for the last 2 months, when my ex broke up with me last week. The break up was very confusing, because he kept telling me that he digs me, and is really happy when he's with me, but on the other hand he says he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship just yet, because all of a sudden he realized he's not entirely over his ex. He insisted on keeping in touch, but I thought it would be a good idea to give me some space, especially because I was totally devastated.

So, it's been 10 days, and not a single day went by without me hearing from him. He's very sweet for me, checking if I'm feeling allright and stuff. We still chat and text each other a lot. I know he's confused, and decided not to be with me because he would otherwise hurt me, but I know I still love him and I want him back. I'm not sure how to get there, but I know that I need to give him the space to figure out what he wants in life.

Yesterday I told him I had to be in his hometown for some business, and he offered me a place to stay so I wouldn't have to drive all the way back home. I don't know what to do. Every fibre in my body just screams that I want to lay beside him, but I'm not sure if it's the right move given that I want him back and I want him to really miss me. What should I do?

 

[palbert]

You say he's not sure if he's ready for a relationship. Not much you can do. At least you seem separated geographically. Your infatuation seems on the way to a natural death. As so many do, it will wither of its own accord. I would let it; but staying friends is still possible. Good luck.

 

[looseliam]

He clearly is having trouble deciding what he wants. The whole 'keep in touch' thing isn't so much of him being a nice guy as it's him keeping his options available. "...he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship just yet..." = he doesn't want a relationship with you.

I'd thank him for his offer to stay, and politely decline. DOn't give him any reasons or ramble on about how it's not a good idea, etc. He'll figure it out.

After that you need to start mentally preparing yourself for moving on. I know it is difficult but each day it gets easier. Just keep telling yourself that.

 

[Seasoned]

It's difficult to move on when there is continual contact. I'd let this guy go. It's not healthy for you to have your life on hold.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Yes, he clearly has issues of his own that he needs to deal with, and unfortunately, you're not a part of that. Move on and let go. He's not coming back. If he does, he'll initiate the contact and you can decide if you want to take him back. The ball is in his court.

 

[subsonic]

I would stay clear as well.. I have personal experience in this matter, so I know what I'm talking about. The thing is, if he wanted a relationship with you again, he would probably have given off some signs indicating this, or simple just telling you this. He broke up with you and that's that.
The best way to just get over your ex, is by cutting all contact with him and just move on. It is possible to be friends with your friends, but you need time to get pass this.
Good luck to ya!

 

[palbert]

I want to raise some kind of objection or cautionary note here - and this is NOT aimed at the OP.

I just don't see two months as a relationship. I recognize that there are exceptions, but I think we do these young people a disservice when we let them think that two months constitute a relationship and that the failure of "intense dating" constitutes a crisis.

 

[ben9651]

I agree with seasoned.

Staying in touch with ur ex is very unhealthy in ur case.
You still love him . And him calling you everyday makes it even worse in my opinion.

 

[ben9651]

I just don't see two months as a relationship.

I totally agree!

 

[sixthson]

As the old song says "You've got it bad and that ain't good". Sorry that you are hurting. Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is being honest with you about his ex, you have but two choices. Cut him off completely and try to get over him or be patient with him and see what happens. It is one thing if he is trying to get over his ex before he enters a new relationship with you, but it another thing if he is hoping to reconcile with him. The latter is the worse of the two, in my opinion, because that makes you second best. That's not good enough. Good luck.

 

[TX-Beau]

I have to agree with sixthson. Whatever his reasons - he didn't want to be in a relationship with you. Now you can certainly maintain your tie with him, but that really runs the risk of putting yourself on hold waiting for someone else to get his shit together. Do you honestly think that's healthy? Your first priority is you, no him.

You were together for a small amount of time, not long enough in my book to sit around waiting for things to change.

Get on with your life. If at some point down the road he wants to get back together with you - re-evaluate, but don't do to yourself what you're doing to yourself. He hasn't changed in a week, no one changes that fast. Whatever broke you up is still there, no matter how "sweet," he is.

Frankly it's pretty selfish of him to break up with you one day then expect the kind of support he's asking of you the next.

 

[chance1]

Frankly it's pretty selfish of him to break up with you one day then expect the kind of support he's asking of you the next.

this hits home for me ........

perhaps you could do the following:

tell him that his frequent contact is fine IF it's due to his missing you and wanting to be back with you

if not, then there is NO point

if yes, perhaps there can be a relationship - and I agree 2 mos. does not constitute