I want to be better at sex!

[aussiejboy89]

Hi Guys

This is my first ever post and although have read alot, never really felt the need to ask until now.

Hmm so I'll try not make it too long. Basically, I broke up with my partner of over a year and he and I have been in and out of contact ever since. Basically the biggest problem was that sex didnt really work the way it should or my body and this lead to growing frustration in my partner which ended up leading to him wanting more than just me. He stuck with me for at least 6mths if not more, after the problem came more apparent and tried to make things work, but ended up taking advantage of a situation with another guy. He told me straight away, that's not really the issue here thou.

Basically what I'm asking is how can I be better at sex so that I can offer him something better if things go well when we decide to meet up again.

My problems are that when I'm topping I can often get soft which doesnt help at all. From what I think is that my head thinks too much and will think more about the awkward position im in rather than what's infront of me - a hot guy. My other problem is when I'm bottoming I find it painful and often have to squat down on it to start off with until it feels better. I would love for it to get easier that it takes away that awkwardness at the start, and sometimes during. I also think I have a fear of the pain as my partner told me that whenI'm drunk it's alot easier and he enjoys that sex. In porn it just seems to slip right in. Somewhere in the middle of those extremes would be a great start.

Can any of you help me. I love this boy so much and he loves me too. I just don't want sex to get in the way of the good things that we have. How do I switch my head off so I can enjoy uninhibited sex?? Feel free to ask for more info if I havent been so clear.

 

[palemale]

Hi Guys

This is my first ever post and although have read alot, never really felt the need to ask until now.

Hmm so I'll try not make it too long. Basically, I broke up with my partner of over a year and he and I have been in and out of contact ever since. Basically the biggest problem was that sex didnt really work the way it should or my body and this lead to growing frustration in my partner which ended up leading to him wanting more than just me. He stuck with me for at least 6mths if not more, after the problem came more apparent and tried to make things work, but ended up taking advantage of a situation with another guy. He told me straight away, that's not really the issue here thou.

Basically what I'm asking is how can I be better at sex so that I can offer him something better if things go well when we decide to meet up again.

My problems are that when I'm topping I can often get soft which doesnt help at all. From what I think is that my head thinks too much and will think more about the awkward position im in rather than what's infront of me - a hot guy. My other problem is when I'm bottoming I find it painful and often have to squat down on it to start off with until it feels better. I would love for it to get easier that it takes away that awkwardness at the start, and sometimes during. I also think I have a fear of the pain as my partner told me that whenI'm drunk it's alot easier and he enjoys that sex. In porn it just seems to slip right in. Somewhere in the middle of those extremes would be a great start.

Can any of you help me. I love this boy so much and he loves me too. I just don't want sex to get in the way of the good things that we have. How do I switch my head off so I can enjoy uninhibited sex?? Feel free to ask for more info if I havent been so clear.

Three words: relax, relax, relax. I suspect that when you are drunk, you are much more relaxed than when sober. When you bottom, make sure you are breathing. If you hold your breath while anticipating pain, you will tense up and insure that you have pain. Next time you bottom, focus on your breath and making sure you breath out as the cock goes in.

When topping, I find making out and foreplay make me rock hard. What makes me go soft is if I think I'm hurting my partner. Maybe you so much associate anal sex with pain and discomfort, you subconsciously think that you're hurting your bf when you fuck him instead of giving him pleasure.

 

[Seasoned]

^Excellent response. But there's another problem. You think he left because your not good enough sexually. Maybe it's because he's not a one man guy. People in love and wanting to be monogamous are patient and playful. I see nothing wrong with you sitting on it until it's comfortable and he can flip you and take over.

And, honey, don't believe a thing about what you see in porn. In vanilla porn especially the guys are prepared--douched, viagrad, fluffed and the scenes are edited. Some of the close ups aren't even the guys you think you are watching. Porn is meant to get you hard and give you some ideas. So don't compare.

I think you need more, safe, of couse, experience and not rely on this guy as your only outlet. How about blindfolding him sometime and taking a dildo to his ass and ride him half way to the outback?

You're fine and good luck to you realizing that.

 

[mbamike]

Sex is like everything else in life. The more you do it, the better you become at doing it. So, practice, practice, practice.

Some guys disdain hook ups, but they have their benefits.

 

[racer2438]

your letting your nerves get the best of you.

RELAX, breath, think sexy things, and most of all you have to enjoy it.

 

[gwailo]

You mentioned you were worried about your position. For me topping was weird at first because I tried too many positions (Thanks gay porn), so I would often get soft. Getting soft made me insecure and overthink the whole concept and then I wasn't even in the mood. After a while I got over trying to be a "studd" and just fucked my boyfriend. It was wonderful.

As for bottoming. I love the idea but when its in me regardless of size, I just don't enjoy it so I can't help you there. Just relax like they have already said I guess. And don't think it should be how it is in porn. But maybe THINK of (or watch) porn as a sexy distraction/stimulant while you are enjoying your bf

 

[aussiejboy89]

thanks for all the great responses!
Yeah, I need to shut off my brain and just feel the greatness of sex and not overthink things.

And yeah porn is put on, but how awesome would it be for it to just happen like that with no complications. I have been looking into things such as cock rings, dildos and "the Rock"(pills to help u stay hard - to help out with things so I can build up confidence again. Does anyone have any thoughts on if these are good ideas at all?

And yeah I need to take some deep breaths when bottoming. I found that breathing out while slowly lowering myself helps alot. As for topping thats prob what I need more help on. I dont think I think that I'm hurting him. I do often start thinking more about the awkwardness of the position and the pain in my legs that are holding me up etc which doesnt help.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Sex is like everything else in life. The more you do it, the better you become at doing it. So, practice, practice, practice.

Some guys disdain hook ups, but they have their benefits.

I was going to say something along this line myself.

Just do it with more guys and you'll learn, experience and progress.

What others are saying about "relax" is true too.

In the beginning I over thought everything. Way too much.

Sex is pretty much thoughtless. It's emotion and animal needs...