I want to come out to a friend, but...

[Leccocx]

There's a guy which I like and I've become a really good friend of him. He has told me in various occasions that he considers me as one of his few real friends and that friends like me can't be found always.

Some time ago he confessed to me that he had never cried for a woman before until now (because he wanted to be with some girl but in the end she said that "no" and my friend was heartbroken), and that he had never cried in front of a man (that would be me). He always keeps his feelings inside and never shows them to others. He might be dying but he always has a smile, although inside he's feeling like shit.

That makes me think that he really trusts me and I told him that I'll never judge him. Now, I want to come out to him but I'm REALLY scared I might lose him. He has that "macho" attitude sometimes, and he's hompohobic, I know he is.

So I don't know if telling him is the best thing to do but, if he opened to me, why can't I? I don't want to keep lying to him when I talk about who I like and that type of stuff. I think it'll shock him at first but, if he really considers me a friend, and a really good one, he'll understand... right? :S

The thing is I don't know HOW to tell him, since just telling it to him all of a sudden might be a little bit too harsh. I know I need "touch" and that I must tell him at the right time. Also, I want him to know it through me and not by any other person.

So... I was wondering, any thoughts? Any advice would be helpful. I'm really not sure about what to do....

 

[spencer]

Start off with talking about feelings and bring up the time when he shared with you about the girl and being emotional and if he feels that you 2 can share any feelings with each other since you guys have a different kind of friendship and thank him for that friendship and that you can be there for each other.

If he get's what you're saying and reaffirms the friendship and opens up as you're saying it then you can tell him.

If he acts like what are you talking about and doesn't get what you're saying about being close or special friends, then telling him would be a little more rolling of the dice. My guess is he would still be friends with you cause he already cares about you.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Leccocx,

Mate, you say you know hes homophobic? Why? Is it simply because of comments hes made or throw away lines?

The reason I ask is simply that hes not talking about you. Hes not talking about a friend or someone he cares about. He talking about nameless faceless people... and those comments are no more about you than any other insult that we throw around.

Dont confuse a lack of understating and ignorance of your situation convince you he wouldnt care or is homophobic. We all change our behavior when we are aware that something causes concern or hurt. Right now he simply doesnt know.

Theres no scale to know how hes going to react... this is simply something your heart will tell you. Forget the other stuff... if you feel in your heart he can trust you with anything and you with him then tell him.

Theres never a right or wrong time... and theres no way to lead up to something so personal... just be open sincere and genuine and hell respond the same way.

Just remember mate... listen to your heart and your gut.

 

[Poisonlove]

I was scared to come out to my friends but then one night at a party i got so drunk that i ended up telling them and there reaction was suprising they said to me they couldnt care less wot i was because i was a cool guy

if hes a true friend then it shouldnt bother him.

 

[Seasoned]

I have thought this for a long time: if the only way I can keep family and friends is by lying, do I really have family and friends?

 

[Halifaxboy8]

I have thought this for a long time: if the only way I can keep family and friends is by lying, do I really have family and friends?

That pretty much nails it on the head. The other advice above is solid also.

This guy trusts you, trusts you enough to cry in front of you. You have a connection, and I wouldn't be afraid to open up to him.

The quote above is truth. If he is a real friend of yours he will accept you for who you are.

You could include in the conversation with, "Remember that time when you opened up to me with something you felt you couldn't share with someone else? Well, I have something that I want to tell you too..".

Keep us updated.

 

[Lube]

Straight people don't need to be homophobic--they have nothing to hide.

The most homophobic people are closet cases who are trying to prove how straight they are.

Come out to him. Within a year, he'll probably come out to you.

 

[Leccocx]

Well, I came out to him.... today. He seemed to take it pretty well. He also told me that he suspected since the beginning. But we couldn't talk about it as we may have wanted because we were both in a hurry, since when I decided to tell him it was a spontaneous time.

I want to talk with him later, since I think we need to clear some things first. Hopefully things will change, in a positive way of course.

Thanks for all your help!!!

 

[momoman]

I am so thrilled it worked out for you. Best luck for the future, could you keep us updated?

Peace.

 

[tallguy297]

Nice going mate, you overcame a massive hurdle today... feel really proud of the fact that you took that chance and were honest with him... its says a lot about you.

I'm sure once he has some time and you guys get to talk things will would out just fine... Great job Leccocx!

 

[Leccocx]

I had a chance to talk to him on monday. We talked about it and he told me that each person's preference it's their own bussiness, that he was grateful that I had told him about it and that I shouldn't care about what others think about my preference. He was really supportive.

He also told me that he had never have a gay friend before, until now. Now that I told him I have been able to talk about other stuff with him (I don't have the need to lie to him anymore). I feel relieved now. Too bad he isn't gay as well but I love him too much to do something that could cause our friendship to finish.

Thanks everyone for your support. I never thought I could reach this point with my friend... until it finally happened.