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I want to have more casual sex

D

dhchitown1984

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OK, maybe this sounds weird, maybe it doesn't, but it's something that bothers me.

I want to have more casual sex.

Since a relationship went bad (my ex cheated on me with numerous guys... it's in another thread here somewhere), I don't "want" to have sex. Sure, I want to, and am, dating and meeting new guys, but I always get this weird hangup about sex. I feel that I can't lighten up and just sort of have the "eh, if we end up fucking, no big deal" mentality that I feel a lot of other guys I know have.

I'm not saying I want to whore myself out and start sleeping around, but I want to feel like I'm capable of having sex if I wanted to with someone, especially without the "strings attached" mentality. If I go out to the bar and a one-night stand happens, it "can." But right now, I just can't seem to feel sexual, if that makes sense.

Anyone else experience something similar? Advice?
 
I don't think it's something you force. I think you just have to give it time. I'm not sure when your relationship ended. If it was recent, then I don't know if jumping into bed with guys is going to help. Just my 2 cents.
 
I'm going on 10-months since the breakup, so it's definitely not a new breakup. I guess that's why I'm frustrated - I feel like I should be over the physical part by now.
 
There's a big difference between having casual sex for fun and recreation, and having casual sex to correct some kind of upset emotional issue, that is toxic and will destroy your self esteem.
 
Be aware of who you are meeting up and hooking up with before you jump into casual sex. Wear protection, use lots of lube and try not to feel bad about the whole experience.
 
dhchitown1984 said:
...I want to feel like I'm capable of having sex if I wanted to with someone, especially without the "strings attached" mentality. If I go out to the bar and a one-night stand happens, it "can." But right now, I just can't seem to feel sexual, if that makes sense.

Anyone else experience something similar? Advice?
Click to expand...

It's hard to pinpoint exactly where the issue lies.... whether you're someone who has to know the person before you can have sex with them... or whether the end of your recent relationship has you in a place where you're not really wanting to get back into the saddle. It's like there's two messages- "I want to go out and have sex without any emotional complications but I can't".

The question is, "Is it really sex you're wanting or something else?".
 
dhchitown1984 said:
OK, maybe this sounds weird, maybe it doesn't, but it's something that bothers me.

I want to have more casual sex.

Since a relationship went bad (my ex cheated on me with numerous guys... it's in another thread here somewhere), I don't "want" to have sex. Sure, I want to, and am, dating and meeting new guys, but I always get this weird hangup about sex. I feel that I can't lighten up and just sort of have the "eh, if we end up fucking, no big deal" mentality that I feel a lot of other guys I know have.

I'm not saying I want to whore myself out and start sleeping around, but I want to feel like I'm capable of having sex if I wanted to with someone, especially without the "strings attached" mentality. If I go out to the bar and a one-night stand happens, it "can." But right now, I just can't seem to feel sexual, if that makes sense.

Anyone else experience something similar? Advice?


I'm going on 10-months since the breakup, so it's definitely not a new breakup. I guess that's why I'm frustrated - I feel like I should be over the physical part by now.
Click to expand...

Your confidence level needs a boost.

The "10 months" indicates this was a serious relationship and, as such, you're not ready for another relationship. But, not only that, you're not ready even to have sex.

Apparently.

I think you're in between: You sort of do and you sort of don't. (Why else present it here?) Your main flaw could be an overthinking.

Perhaps just getting out and meeting people would be good for you. And that it would be a boost. If there is any potential…you will know.
 
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