I want to scold my ex.

[AnUnusedUsername]

Hi all,

Do you ever want to yell at your ex for being an asshole?

My ex was a piece of shit (for lack of a better term), and I'm still angry at everything he's done to me, even though it was over three years ago.

Everything he did to me just sits at the back of my mind, telling me I should be angry. But should I? How long should one stay angry? The mature part of me tells me to move on, but the angry part of me wants closure. I just want to make him feel as bad as he made me feel. He would abuse me whenever he was having an off day, and like the stupid kid I was (18 at the time), I stayed in his crummy apartment and took it.

I probably shouldn't do anything. He is, by all accounts, a complete loser. No car, no stable job, and no home of his own. He's worse off now than he was when we were together.


(I wrote a lot more about this, but I decided it was too much for an initial post, so I'll share it if anybody wants more details.)

 

[medic1]

Buddy.
This piece of shit is still running your life for you , just how many times a week
do you think about him ?
Being 18 at the time and you probably saw him as the love of your life would
not help .
What i would say is re-read your thread the answers are all in there m8 .
The guy is a loser ,you have moved on to better things , my advice dont give this twat another thought . Good Luck .

 

[looseliam]

Why are you giving someone so much power over you?

Three years later and you're still obsessing over it. This needs to stop. It is not healthy. Find some hobbies, activities to take your mind off it and help you move on.

You may want to seek professional help. If this thought process has become engrained in your daily life, obsessive, then just letting it go may not work.

 

[Gatorguy]

I would say listen to the wisdom of those posts above. Move on and do it with a sense of grace.

Besides, the best revenge is living well...

 

[Seasoned]

If you dug below the surface you are pissed at two people, him and yourself. You need healing and self educating so you don't repeat this with another person. You may also be suffering from PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.

Ironically one path through this is forgiveness, which isn't about him, but really about you. Forgiveness doesn't negate anything that happened and doesn't ask that you forget what happened. Forgiveness is all about you and where you store your memory of him and his actions. Forgiveness frees your emotions so you can live and enjoy today. It takes the pain, wraps it in self-love and moves it off the front burner.

You may need a therapist to help with the process if you are unable to do it alone. He may very well be a piece of shit, but he is more likely to be one sick mf-er. Let him go so you are ready to spend your emotional life with someone who will treat you right.

All the best to you.

 

[medic1]

^^^^^^
This what a fantastic piece of advice .

 

[AnUnusedUsername]

Buddy.
This piece of shit is still running your life for you , just how many times a week
do you think about him ?
Being 18 at the time and you probably saw him as the love of your life would
not help .
What i would say is re-read your thread the answers are all in there m8 .
The guy is a loser ,you have moved on to better things , my advice dont give this twat another thought . Good Luck .

It isn't often that I think about him. We stopped seeing and speaking to each other for a good two years, but we've started hanging out again as if nothing happened between us. I've only been wanting to bitch at him since about February, but only on "those" nights, if you know what I mean...

Why are you giving someone so much power over you?

Three years later and you're still obsessing over it. This needs to stop. It is not healthy. Find some hobbies, activities to take your mind off it and help you move on.

You may want to seek professional help. If this thought process has become engrained in your daily life, obsessive, then just letting it go may not work.

Well I haven't been thinking about this for 3 years straight. After we stopped seeing each other, I got over him (or thought I did; I got a new job after we stopped seeing each other and had other things to do so I kind of forgot about him). We recently started hanging out again though, and now I want to bitch at him for everything that happened 3 years ago. I guess these feelings came back because I see him almost every day now.

I agree that this needs to stop, though...

If you dug below the surface you are pissed at two people, him and yourself. You need healing and self educating so you don't repeat this with another person. You may also be suffering from PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.

Ironically one path through this is forgiveness, which isn't about him, but really about you. Forgiveness doesn't negate anything that happened and doesn't ask that you forget what happened. Forgiveness is all about you and where you store your memory of him and his actions. Forgiveness frees your emotions so you can live and enjoy today. It takes the pain, wraps it in self-love and moves it off the front burner.

You may need a therapist to help with the process if you are unable to do it alone. He may very well be a piece of shit, but he is more likely to be one sick mf-er. Let him go so you are ready to spend your emotional life with someone who will treat you right.

All the best to you.

Thank you for this advice!

But I don't think I'll want to spend time with anybody any time soon, though; I've been quite happy single.

I may look into a therapist though... if I can afford it.

Hey, maybe a write a letter to him putting all your feelings and thoughts out there and just don't send it.

It might help to pull out those feelings that have been festering in the back of your head.

I should totally do that... in fact, I feel better just posting about this, since I've never told anybody about what happened between us.


Thanks all. I might just leave it all be, then. And I have to say, I am getting my own revenge in a way; I'm in college at 21, while he's 30 and flipping patties (I'm not joking). Maybe it's good that we split.

 

[looseliam]

Well, I can understand how seeing him again dredged-up old feelings.

If this is a hint of how you'll be around him, with him again in your life, perhaps no contact anymore, ever would be wise.

 

[maxpowr9]

There is your problem. You started to talk to him again. Stupid mistake honestly. This is why I tend to burn bridges with exes. Unless it is a mutual breakup (which are in fact quite rare), it best to just never talk to them again. Time does heal all wounds but it may leave a scar. Let the scar remind of you this loser and not to let him back into your life.

 

[medic1]

Well, I can understand how seeing him again dredged-up old feelings.

If this is a hint of how you'll be around him, with him again in your life, perhaps no contact anymore, ever would be wise.

Listen to this guy he has it in one .
Also could you be doing it to just show him how well you are doing ?

 

[thisisinteresting]

You should stay angry as long as you want to be miserable about the situation.

 

[AnUnusedUsername]

Well, I can understand how seeing him again dredged-up old feelings.

If this is a hint of how you'll be around him, with him again in your life, perhaps no contact anymore, ever would be wise.

I've cut off all ties with him right now. He only ever calls me or texts me when he needs something anyway.

There is your problem. You started to talk to him again. Stupid mistake honestly. This is why I tend to burn bridges with exes. Unless it is a mutual breakup (which are in fact quite rare), it best to just never talk to them again. Time does heal all wounds but it may leave a scar. Let the scar remind of you this loser and not to let him back into your life.

I only started talking to him again because he had some things that belonged to me that I wanted back, but I decided to give him another chance as a friend. It was a while after I got my things back that I realized he only ever calls or texts me when he needs something.

Also could you be doing it to just show him how well you are doing ?

I'm not sure I understand what you mean...

If you're asking if I'm going to college to show him how I'm doing, then no, lol. I'm going to college because I was previously working in construction, and I don't want to be traveling my entire life. My dad was in construction when I was young, and I'm sick of traveling.

You should stay angry as long as you want to be miserable about the situation.

I'm honestly sick of being angry with him. I'm sick of his memory too, to be frank... I won't be answering his phone calls or texts from now on.

-

Just posting about this fucker has made me remember a lot of the other things he did. He would scold me for yawning, sneezing, and even for having a headache. I also remember once when I drove out to the city to buy him some movie he wanted, he wound up giving it to his cousin as a gift. And he had the nerve to tell me I "was using" him.

The next time he calls or texts, I'm just going to tell him to piss off. I haven't spoken to him in three days, and I've felt loads better by having somebody to talk to.

Thanks, everyone.

 

[AlmondMilk]

If you started hanging out again, I can see why you want to scold him. Hell, if I started hanging out with my ex, the only way we'd be able to actually hang out without any tension in the air is for me to get everything off my chest. Everything he did wrong, everything I found offensive. Since you're hanging out again, bring him somewhere a bit private and away from distractions. Talk to each other. This can be a bit difficult because some people want to get their opinions out, but the person they're talking to won't listen or let them speak, etc.

Even if you're just going to be in a friendship with your ex, it takes communication.

So, I agree that maybe a therapist might help. Writing a letter that you don't send is helpful as well, but you're already seeing your ex. Talk to him, but be mindful to remain as calm and coherent as possible.

 

[TX-Beau]

...I only started talking to him again because he had some things that belonged to me that I wanted back, but I decided to give him another chance as a friend. It was a while after I got my things back that I realized he only ever calls or texts me when he needs something. ...

And there's your problem. Seems like you know what to do. In the future, yes it's true that guys can change, it's also true that they generally don't.

 

[maxpowr9]

And there's your problem. Seems like you know what to do. In the future, yes it's true that guys can change, it's also true that they generally don't.

Guys (and to a lesser extent women) only change if they willing to do it for themselves. They will almost never do it for someone else.
Speaking from personal experience: there is generally a reason why you parted ways with a person and that reason will most likely resurface again when you reconnect.

 

[AnUnusedUsername]

I talked to some friends about my situation yesterday, and I feel a lot better. I guess I should talk to my ex next; we chatted last night through text, and we're planning to meet sometime this week. That'll be my chance.