I want to top my bf but I can't...what do I do?

[tophungrygayguy]

I was in the closet until last year, when I came out and somehow quickly ended up in a serious relationship. Before this guy, I had only been with girls.

Thing is, he is a total top while I'm versatile. Way back last year, he let me top him a handful of times, but then he stopped wanting to, telling me that he doesn't enjoy it or get anything out of it. He later told me that it actually screws him up "down there", especially since he's been having some sort of GI problems recently.

So, for about 8 months now, I've been the one bottoming EVERY SINGLE TIME. Its not that I don't enjoy it, but I'd like to be top once in a while as well. I know its stupid, but I feel ashamed after being bottom...as if its emasculating and makes me "the woman" or the weaker member of our relationship. I think part of the reason he doesn't like bottoming is because he's kind of a control freak.

I brought up the problem to him, but there wasn't any point since he told me the same thing (He doesn't get anything out of it and he's having these GI problems)

He says he'd love to have a threesome with me and another guy, which would give me the chance to top, but its HIM that I want to top. I love him and I want to experience what he gets to experience with me. ALSO, we bareback nowadays and I want to experience that as well (the few times i topped him, I was using a condom)

I'm not sure what I'm asking for here, to be honest. I just wish he was vers.

 

[anchihiro]

He's not a natural bottom.
I think to get him to bottom you'd have to work his ass good for a while, try buying a Dildo/vibrator (medium size), plenty of lube and then lead up to fucking over a period of time, over the course of quite a few sessions get closer an closer.

I dont know what GI is?

But the key is to talk to him, tell him how you feel, that you are not being sexually satisfied. But in the end, if he really isn't comfortable with it, dont pressurise him.

Have you ever tried fucking inbetween his thighs? x

 

[tophungrygayguy]

1) GI means gastrointestinal. Stomach, intestines, colon, etc. issues.

2) He's taken PLENTY of dildos into his hole in his day, just not with me...only with other guys he's been with. He says he is pretty loose and that it never hurts for him, and that he's taken a 10in Dildo all the way in and it didn't hurt at all...he just didn't get anything out of it.

3) I've f*cked him in between the thighs once and it was OK. I enjoyed it, but it certainly wasn't the same as topping. He didn't seem to enjoy it.

 

[altlover85]

1) GI means gastrointestinal. Stomach, intestines, colon, etc. issues.

2) He's taken PLENTY of dildos into his hole in his day, just not with me...only with other guys he's been with. He says he is pretty loose and that it never hurts for him, and that he's taken a 10in dildo all the way in and it didn't hurt at all...he just didn't get anything out of it.

3) I've f*cked him in between the thighs once and it was OK. I enjoyed it, but it certainly wasn't the same as topping. He didn't seem to enjoy it.

Has he gone to the doctor about this GI issue?

 

[tophungrygayguy]

Has he gone to the doctor about this GI issue?

Yes, but the doc doesn't know what's going on. He gave him some cream, now he's on some suppository, but he hasn't seen any improvement.

I guess I'm hoping that his problem will eventually go away and then he might let me top every once in a while again....

Man...don't I sound like a selfsih a-hole. My boyfriend is having medical issues and all I can think about is the next time I'll be able to plow him.

 

[altlover85]

Yes, but the doc doesn't know what's going on. He gave him some cream, now he's on some suppository, but he hasn't seen any improvement.

I guess I'm hoping that his problem will eventually go away and then he might let me top every once in a while again....

Man...don't I sound like a selfsih a-hole. My boyfriend is having medical issues and all I can think about is the next time I'll be able to plow him.

No, I think it's a normal feeling. You either have to get used to the situation or perhaps take him up on that threesome offer because you may not be able to top him for a while.

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

Hmm. Unless he gives up his control freakness and let's you top him, I'm guessing you might wander from this relationship at some point in the future to one where you can be more sexually compatible.

I can understand his reluctance due to his GI problems, but once those are over (or will he use this as a convenient excuse when it suites him?), he needs to really understand this is very important to you in your relationship with him. Since you have had prior relationships with women (so have I), you know certain sex acts are compromises - example, many women don't like sucking dick but will do it for her man. Sounds like he needs to play fair here - it's not just about what he feels or doesn't feel all the time.

 

[Seasoned]

It sounds like the two of you both see bottoming in a negative light. A natural bottom, on the other hand, often sees himself as the one in control. I'm thinking that for now you need more affection from him and a bit of a different mindset from yourself.

Here's a little story. My partner is a bottom. I'm versatile. I'm having some issues post prostate surgery. He always liked me pushing his head down when I wanted a bj. He tried that on me and instead told him to get his hands away and say please. You'll do what you have to do if you want to stay together. Personally, I wouldn't go for the three way. That suggestion came from him, not you.

 

[palemale]

You should get over feeling weaker after getting fucked. Do you think Madonna ever feels weaker after being fucked?

I'm vers. I had a fuck bud who was a top, but he told me I could top him if I wanted to, but that he really didn't enjoy getting fucked. I didn't think I'd enjoy fucking him if he wasn't having fun, what's the point? So I didn't. I get much more out of topping a guy when he's enjoying it. A bottom who is having a great time getting fucked is a huge turn on for me.