I was just outed in my Spanish class

[locksmithers]

So I'm 24 and I'm gay. I've come out to several friends over the past 2 years, but not the old ones, just the new ones. My vibe is that I'm quiet and keep to myself.

In my Spanish class, there's only 5 other students. It's a higher level Spanish class. I've had these same classmates for 2 years now but I don't talk to them but Spanish exercises usually involve answering questions in Spanish and practicing grammar using your own life experiences. I only really talk to one person--Kurt. I just came out to Kurt 2 weeks ago and he accepted it well.

Anyway today, we were completing sentence fragments on the go. One of them was "I go to the movie theatre to..." and my professor called on me. My professor is usually a jokester and we're comfortable with him because we've had him for 2 years.

When he called me, I answered "to enjoy the movies." Then he made a joke saying "...to meet girls. To meet girls, yes?" Some people were giggling not because they know I'm gay but because romantic issue is always giggle-worthy whatever age you're in. Kurt was laughing along because he knows that I'm gay and the question is funny to him.

Anyway I didn't know how to answer so I just shrugged. But the professor kept on, "to meet girls correct? Or to meet boys? Girls or boys?" I was tempted to jokingly say "Both" but I was already frozen in fear, shock, embarrassment. Me not answering probably already gave it away to the whole class that I'm gay. When I stayed silent, Kurt stopped laughing. The professor also stopped badgering saying, "Anyway you don't have to answer."

I sat there the rest of the period stunned, red, as of my head was floating and my eyes welled up. I've come out to the several friends before and that was fine because that was intimate, sincere, and I know I could trust them to never change their outlook on me. A part of me says I shouldn't give a fuck about this, but there's still a massive part that feels uncomfortable and embarrassed. I don't know, I've been repressing and pretending for so many years I can't just be proud to be gay all of a sudden. I still feel that stigma in me that because my classmates know that I'm gay they'll probably think less of me now.

Whatever. Just wanted to vent.

 

[HunterM]

Look at the bright side...you are now FREE to live the life that you want! You don't have to be afraid that people will blackmail you for being a closeted gay. You don't have to live you life in fears.

Go celebrate!

 

[Rolyo85]

It's uncomfortable, but it's an opportunity. You touched on it yourself. Being closeted for so long makes it only harder to come out, not easier. I came out at 25 and simply decided not to care who knows. If they have a problem, fuck them, where the fuck do they get off having an opinion at all, on something that doesn't concern them?

 

[Brian Smith]

Amen, Rolyo.

Counting on a bigot to show you respect is like hiring a compulsive gambler to manage your money. The gambler will always try to tell you that just don't give him enough to invest. Somehow, from the gambler's point-of-view, if you just gave him a large enough sum of money, he would hit that jackpot. The gambler comes to resent you because, in his mind, you just won't open up your wallet far enough for his dreams to come true. In the eyes of this person to whom you have given every penny you have, you become the most tightfisted and wretched person in the world, and he disparages you to everyone he knows.

Bigots are trash. They are not worthwhile people. When you have learned, from your life's experiences, the truth in this wisdom...and I mean really learned it in the hard-knock academy of life, not just from me...you will find that you are much happier and more comfortable with yourself than you are now.

 

[sixthson]

The truth is, some people will think less of you. That can't be avoided, but you can't live you life for others.

 

[justanothershyguy]

The truth is, some people will think less of you. That can't be avoided, but you can't live you life for others.

This is so true. But you know what, OP? Fuck those people. They can take their hate somewhere else while you can be happy loving who you are.

 

[Phantas33]

What everyone else said is true but might I just add that your teacher sounded awful in your story ? What the hell gave him or her the right to ask a question like that in the first place? What business is it of his/hers? He/she's there to teach - not poke around in other people's lovelife/sexual affairs.

 

[njcollegekid]

my condolences. couldnt have been a pleasant experience.
but since you were telling some people, i guess you were already on your way out. so think of this just as a bit of a catalyst.

 

[Seasoned]

I know it was a shock not expecting to out yourself. Be grateful you are in a classroom where it's in the realm of possibility for a boy to date another boy. Also be grateful that you didn't lie. You have a small class. It's all good. Learn to accept the fact you're out. It's much less stressful than the fear of being found out. Best wishes.

 

[bankside]

In a lesson on life's events, the teacher could have asked a student to describe the events at a funeral. What if he called on someone who had just buried his grandparents after a car crash two weeks before?

Math class does not usually deal with life events. A language class almost always does. To make the questions personal is to make them effective and memorable. We find it easiest to talk about our lives. You can't learn a language if the only question is ever "And what is the gerund construction for this sentence?"

And please know that for every person who thinks less of you because of who you are, you will find more than one person who thinks more of you for refusing to hide yourself for the convenience of bigots.

 

[justanothershyguy]

What everyone else said is true but might I just add that your teacher sounded awful in your story ? What the hell gave him or her the right to ask a question like that in the first place? What business is it of his/hers? He/she's there to teach - not poke around in other people's lovelife/sexual affairs.

All I have to say to this is that it's quite possible the teacher wasn't poking into his life, it just seemed that way to him because of his state of mind with his own issues. I'm trained to teach Spanish and I can see where the teacher would have been trying to test him to make sure he was certain about masculine/feminine. Now, that said, I don't agree with how the teacher did this, but I highly doubt there was any harm behind what they were doing.

To the OP: I have to assume since you mentioned this was an advanced class, that the teacher was speaking in Spanish? If I were you, I'd make an office visit to him/her (if you can) and try to clear the air. If you don't you might have some awfully awkward classes and it might be all for naught.

 

[Ganoderma]

Be grateful you are in a classroom where it's in the realm of possibility for a boy to date another boy. Also be grateful that you didn't lie. You have a small class. It's all good. Learn to accept the fact you're out. It's much less stressful than the fear of being found out. Best wishes.

hi locksmithers,

I also like the way how your teacher has approached this subject, and i agree with others that you are -more or less- out to the other four class-mates and also to your teacher.

Definately, its not a problem at all for your teacher that you are a gay guy, and I tend to think that the same will be the case for the other four class-mates. Likely, your teacher had other gay students in former classes, so its no big deal for him that you are also one. He is fine, and that makes that your Spanish class is a safe environment for you.

On the other hand, I can imagine myself very well that you felt highly uncomfortable and embarrassed when this happened, just out of the blue. Well, you are out now and you don't need to ly/hide anymore.

Likely, your teacher will have had other gay students in former classes, so its no big deal for him that you are another one. He is fine, and that makes that your Spanish class is a safe environment for you.

How about sending the four class mates a small text message (eg. through Facebook) in which you explain why you felt a bit embarrassed at this last class? All of them will remember what wass going on. Tell them that you indeed prefer to go to a movie with a guy (a nice way to let people know you are gay), but that the question came totally unexpected so you did not know how to react. You might also add that your friend Kurt (and many other people as well) areaware that you like guys.

Good luck and feel free to react and/or ask addition questions.

 

[Durango95]

It is so hard to be outed without your permission. It happened to me. Don't let it rule your life though. You'll go through a grieving process. You really have to. You were violated. I'm not saying there is shame in being gay but it isn't anyone's business but yours. That being said, I wouldn't suggest buying a "queer nation" t-shirt and flipping off everyone that doesn't readily accept you. I know there are some here that do that on a regular basis. They are pitiful sad narrow-minded hateful people.

The hard truth is there are going to be some people that will not accept you for being gay. That doesn't make them bad people. It makes them opinionated people. Their opinion doesn't jive with yours. They probably aren't going to be a very good choice for friendship. Don't adopt the intolerant hater stance. That makes you just as bad as them.

I would ask one thing though? Why did you come out to that particular guy? From what you said it didn't seem the outing was overtly intentional. Am I missing something?

 

[locksmithers]

RE:Spanish class format. Yeah that's just how it is. One of my 5 classmates is a young Mormon male who has a wife and kids. My professor also jokes around him. Today one of the questions was, "I give gifts for..." and my classmate said, "...for my kids." My professor was like, "But not to your wife? Hahaha." There's a kind of camaraderie in the class because it's small and intimate. I'm used to it, just apparently not used to this.


RE:"Kurt". I came out to him asking for advice about the guy I am/was seeing. I just moved here 2 years ago in this city and don't know many people. Kurt is in 4 of my 6 classes, we have the same major, etc. He's one of my very few friends. At first, when asking for advice about the guy I am/was seeing, I was using ambiguous pronouns. But he caught on to that and I just came out that same night. No big deal.

RE:Other classmates. Yeah, I don't think they care. I don't think I care whether they care or not. It's more of there's a lingering feeling of "How dare you" to the professor. But I think I'm over it. One of the posts here put it well: I'm already in the process of coming out, this is just an opportunity. And anyway, I only have 3 more weeks with these people and after that I'm done. I just got emotional in the moment.

Thanks for the replies. <3 This place is always a good venting place.

 

[Seasoned]

Once you have your grade you might want to let your teacher know that he may be playing with fire when asking probing questions. I'm glad you've got a good handle on being outed. Take care.

 

[Georgiadude]

I'd have a conversation with the teacher and let him know I didn't appreciate what he did. It may not have been intentional but it was inappropriate. It may keep him from doing it to someone else.

Steven.

 

[MindBlast]

RE:Spanish class format. Yeah that's just how it is. One of my 5 classmates is a young Mormon male who has a wife and kids. My professor also jokes around him. Today one of the questions was, "I give gifts for..." and my classmate said, "...for my kids." My professor was like, "But not to your wife? Hahaha." There's a kind of camaraderie in the class because it's small and intimate. I'm used to it, just apparently not used to this.

Sounds like this teacher has issues with appropriate professional behaviour. Not only was probing you on whether you like girls or boys inappropriate, but it's also inappropriate for a professor to issue a jokingly judgmental statement like quoted above. Maybe I just spent too much time in math and physics classes, but I think it's still inappropriate and should be avoided.

 

[franklinP]

The more you repress your feelings, the more life will be difficult for you. Why does it bother you so much about what other people will think of you. You can be yourself and maintain the same dignity you have not because you are a gay but because you are a human being with dreams, who loves, who cries and have feelings like the rest of the so called normal people as they call themselves. True friends will come to you if they get to know you better. Just be yourself all the time.

 

[jarib1]

Do not think of what you think others might say about you. Excel in everything you do and always be yourself. Be happy.

 

[bananagoof]

To the OP: I have to assume since you mentioned this was an advanced class, that the teacher was speaking in Spanish? If I were you, I'd make an office visit to him/her (if you can) and try to clear the air. If you don't you might have some awfully awkward classes and it might be all for naught.

I think everyone can relate to your story - it's the same kind of frustration people feel when someone assumes that the large woman is pregnant, or suggests the black person enjoys fried chicken...the teacher obviously didn't mean to put you on the spot and was just making conversation, but should have definitely steered clear of anything THAT personal. Maybe it's a cultural thing to joke about people's dating lives, but in this day and age, the rule is to let people tell you what they feel comfortable telling you. And he should know to be careful with that subject, same as he would make a mental note regarding large women and people of color. He put his foot in his mouth there. If this kind of thing ever happens again, make sure not to let it be about you being put on the spot. Just turn it back on them, and answer with a friendly "Well, some of us do go to movies just for the pleasure of it!" It's a great way to politely remind the person "I don't have to answer your question." They'll get the point.

I wouldn't confront him in his office - I don't think that's necessary. And I also disagree that you are now "out" to everyone in the class. While you were sitting there blushing, they made have just assumed that you were shy or thrown by the question. If they were even paying attention. It may be a small class, but people are still daydreaming in it!