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If your friend tells you of his attraction to you

chrisdobro

chrisdobro

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If you are in a relationship or unavailable for some other reason,

and a good acquaintance, who doesn't really know your situation expresses his feelings for you, how do you gently tell them that you are not available, without hurting them if possible ?

There was a friend who told me he was attracted to me. I thought it was best to just accept his feelings. Based on his situation I kinda knew that him telling me about it didn't mean he'd pursuit it.

Nevertheless I felt I had to say something. If I hadn't I'd probably feel that I'd be leading him on. So I told him that I appreciate him telling me this. But after this I didn't shut up,... and I told him that I was in a relationship (of which he kinda knew), and that he should not let his attraction to me grow to a level where he will not be able to deal with it.

I don't remember what I said exactly but it was something similar. I may have been harsher but not much. My concern was that I rubbed it in that I was in a relationship, because he already knew about it and I didn't need to bring it up. But I did anyway. After that he kinda pretty much stopped talking to me. We did contact each other one more time but then I haven't heard from him since, even when I tried contacting him a few months later.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

You did'nt say anything out of line. You were kind, but firm, which you had to be. He already knew you were involved, so he should've just kept his feelings to himself. You were right to tell him not to let his attraction grow. He obviously has feelings for you that are too strong to handle just being friends, so he's going to stay away.
If you call or see him again, just let him know that he can call you anytime he wants. Don't call him, let him call you. And if he never does, just accept it. Hopefully he will get a boyfriend and put his feelings for you aside, then you can go back to being friends.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

You did the right thing by being honest. The lack of communication maybe his way of trying to distance himself from his feelings for you. He probably still has strong feelings for you and by not talking/having any communication with you, it's his way of dealing with those feelings.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

This has never happened to me, but the reverse situation has lol.

I once told a friend (who was not in a relationship) that I was attracted to him, and it was ok for a while, then he stopped talking to me completely. Even though I thought we were past the whole issue.

Sometimes I guess people just don't know how to react and they avoid any uncomfortableness or embarrassment by ceasing contact.

I find it hurtful when people just suddenly stop answering messages/calls/emails etc, but at the same time, I can see why they may think it's for the best - even if I don't agree with their assessment.

I hope you get your friendship back (*8*)
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

JetSetJake said:
This has never happened to me, but the reverse situation has lol.

I once told a friend (who was not in a relationship) that I was attracted to him, and it was ok for a while, then he stopped talking to me completely. Even though I thought we were past the whole issue.

Sometimes I guess people just don't know how to react and they avoid any uncomfortableness or embarrassment by ceasing contact.

I find it hurtful when people just suddenly stop answering messages/calls/emails etc, but at the same time, I can see why they may think it's for the best - even if I don't agree with their assessment.

I hope you get your friendship back (*8*)
Click to expand...

People suck in that manner. When someone reveals their feelings for you, the biggest rejection is giving the cold shoulder. I've had it happen to me before. No surprise that they usually remain single hehe.

Let yourself be heard. A good person will gently decline, say "I'm flattered, but not interested" or "not looking for a relationship right now", but continue to be civil and cordial.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

Always tell the truth. Just don't be a dick about it.

Maybe he picked up on the fact that you seem unhappy in your relationship.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

You did good. You were very honest and direct. It hard to be rejected after you have told someone that you like them very much.
 
Re: If your friend tells you of his attraction to

You handled it the same way I would...if any of my friends felt that way towards me
 
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