If your partner has been cheating on you do you leave or do you stay?

[The Fly]

I think this is always a difficult decision to make as separating involves loosing most of what you have valued in your life together. Sometimes it is a question of what sacrifices you are willing to make in order to keep those things that you value; companionship, a shared home and bed, financial benefits, your social life, etc.

Did you make the right decision? According to your comments it would seem that you did and are satisfied with breaking up, seeing it as the one and only solution. But then what about after the separation?

I split up from my lover, not through my choice, when I was in my mid-thirties and have never found another partner meaning I have spent many, many years alone. I personally would have "shared" his body and perhaps his emotions with another as what we had built together was too precious to me to discard.

My biggest regret was that he cut me off from his life completely.

Though since my 60th birthday we are beginning to have the occasional restaurant meal with other friends when I am over in England.

I wish you the best in your new life and most importantly don't regret your decision. It is made and there is no going back; you can still look back on your relationship with fond memories but don't let any supposed blame tarnish your future. Also don't allow the fact that once cheated on affect your approach to new partners as I did. I think I more or less decided that I wasn't go to live through that pain again and therefore never took the risk of committing to someone again.

Take care!

Are you serious? What about integrity? What about self-respect? Are you willing to be a doormat to maintain the false façade of a relationship?

Cheat on me once, your ass is out the door.................do it for 6 months..........you'd be lucky to escape with your life. No one should be played this way. Anyone who cheats on you is basically saying you don't matter.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

no is not an issue is just basically he and i had mutual friends and some of them are still my friends and still to this day they say i was too harsh and that i should have listened to him and i keep telling them NOPE...and i basically wondered if anyone has had same experience as i have

Assuming they know everything that went on, they don't sound like very good friends.

 

[dpnice]

This mentality makes me sad. Isn't your dignity and self-worth worth more than that? You deserve better.

This is how I see it, too.

......................................

Are you serious? What about integrity? What about self-respect? Are you willing to be a doormat to maintain the false façade of a relationship?

.........................

I see that I have offended you with my comments.

I understand your offence but in my opinion once the "cheating" is in the open one is able to discuss it and you are in a position to decide whether to accept it or not. In my case our relationship would have changed into an "open" one and I would have salvaged some of the life which I held precious and worth saving.

Perhaps "sacrifice" was the wrong word to use in my case seeing that I have the sort of character where I am willing to accept things done by others as long as I am getting the sort of recompense I desire. A slightly harsh outlook when one is in a relationship I know.

Dignity, self-respect, integrity, self-worth are all important in life but I don't see that they are negated if one is making a conscious decision based on knowledge of an on-going situation and a desire to preserve something that has taken time to build.

Obviously I didn't have the choice to make this decision and perhaps if I had our relationship would have slowly faded into nothing in the end anyway. But I am honest in saying that I would have been willing to give it a try.

Don't be too hard on me guys; I wasn't suggesting it as a solution to everyone who found out that their partners were cheating on them, just something that I personally would have considered.

 

[ibill1]

I see that I have offended you with my comments.

I understand your offence but in my opinion once the "cheating" is in the open one is able to discuss it and you are in a position to decide whether to accept it or not. In my case our relationship would have changed into an "open" one and I would have salvaged some of the life which I held precious and worth saving.

Perhaps "sacrifice" was the wrong word to use in my case seeing that I have the sort of character where I am willing to accept things done by others as long as I am getting the sort of recompense I desire. A slightly harsh outlook when one is in a relationship I know.

Dignity, self-respect, integrity, self-worth are all important in life but I don't see that they are negated if one is making a conscious decision based on knowledge of an on-going situation and a desire to preserve something that has taken time to build.

Obviously I didn't have the choice to make this decision and perhaps if I had our relationship would have slowly faded into nothing in the end anyway. But I am honest in saying that I would have been willing to give it a try.

Don't be too hard on me guys; I wasn't suggesting it as a solution to everyone who found out that their partners were cheating on them, just something that I personally would have considered.

Your observations make total sense to me. As I posted before, every relationship is different and each has to be judged by us as to what merits in the relationship are important to us. No one else can make these judgements for us. I also never had to make any of these choices as we never cheated on each other in all those years. I know some will say how can I be so sure, believe me, I am.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I see that I have offended you with my comments.

I understand your offence but in my opinion once the "cheating" is in the open one is able to discuss it and you are in a position to decide whether to accept it or not. In my case our relationship would have changed into an "open" one and I would have salvaged some of the life which I held precious and worth saving.

Perhaps "sacrifice" was the wrong word to use in my case seeing that I have the sort of character where I am willing to accept things done by others as long as I am getting the sort of recompense I desire. A slightly harsh outlook when one is in a relationship I know.

Dignity, self-respect, integrity, self-worth are all important in life but I don't see that they are negated if one is making a conscious decision based on knowledge of an on-going situation and a desire to preserve something that has taken time to build.

Obviously I didn't have the choice to make this decision and perhaps if I had our relationship would have slowly faded into nothing in the end anyway. But I am honest in saying that I would have been willing to give it a try.

Don't be too hard on me guys; I wasn't suggesting it as a solution to everyone who found out that their partners were cheating on them, just something that I personally would have considered.

I wasn't offended by your comments... I just don't agree with them. I was saddened by your lack of self worth and willingness to settle for an 'abusive' relationship over none at all. I get being single can be lonely - I really do! ... but "half a man is better than none at all" just doesn't cut it for me, and at my core, I don't believe it's in your best interests in the long run either.

You deserve to be treated better than that. Why should he love and respect you, if you don't love and respect yourself?

 

[eastofeden]

Your observations make total sense to me. As I posted before, every relationship is different and each has to be judged by us as to what merits in the relationship are important to us. No one else can make these judgements for us. I also never had to make any of these choices as we never cheated on each other in all those years. I know some will say how can I be so sure, believe me, I am.

THIS...I agree with Bill....I actually understood his sentiments as they were written and easily empathized with him.

There are many types of relationships and the Bible has had too much of an effect on all of us. We clap for the virgins for some reason and yell at the "sinners".....

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Stay long enough to castrate him and clear out his bank account.

 

[dpnice]

.........................................
You deserve to be treated better than that. Why should he love and respect you, if you don't love and respect yourself?

I understand your thinking behind your observations but you forget that there are those sort of people who wouldn't consider it an abusive situation; the sort of person who has a slight self-serving nature. Plus the decisions I would have made would not have damaged my self respect; having been made in order to preserve something I valued whilst being well aware of what it might cost me.

I think you are right in making your comments, even if I know they wouldn't have applied to me in my personal situation, as I believe it is rare for a partner to subsist an abusive relationship without coming to harm both emotionally and possibly physically. I agree it is really important that people should be shown that accepting all and everything in a relationship is not acceptable and not advantageous for their mental health.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

THIS...I agree with Bill....I actually understood his sentiments as they were written and easily empathized with him.

There are many types of relationships and the Bible has had too much of an effect on all of us. We clap for the virgins for some reason and yell at the "sinners".....

I understand your thinking behind your observations but you forget that there are those sort of people who wouldn't consider it an abusive situation; the sort of person who has a slight self-serving nature. Plus the decisions I would have made would not have damaged my self respect; having been made in order to preserve something I valued whilst being well aware of what it might cost me.

I think you are right in making your comments, even if I know they wouldn't have applied to me in my personal situation, as I believe it is rare for a partner to subsist an abusive relationship without coming to harm both emotionally and possibly physically. I agree it is really important that people should be shown that accepting all and everything in a relationship is not acceptable and not advantageous for their mental health.

I'm not against poly-relationships, or open-relationships if that's what the couple mutually agree on before hand. It was that sense of Settling, and "this is the best I can do" mentality after the fact that bothered me.

 

[mikey3000]

At the end of the day, principles can be very expensive. At what cost do you defend them?

 

[eastofeden]

I'm not against poly-relationships, or open-relationships if that's what the couple mutually agree on before hand. It was that sense of Settling, and "this is the best I can do" mentality after the fact that bothered me.

For me...I have known so many guys (and some girls) who "stood on their principle" and they left the guy who they loved...and they never really were happy again. Some became bitter and angry...some became depressed...a few entered relationships where they are not emotionally or sexually available...some are still single because they can't "face" it again....

..but all of them really loved their partners and it isn't my path to walk but I would have chosen a different route than they did....

When you die...right before your last breath...it has gotta suck to realize you wasted your life being bitter and angry...and for what?..really? for what?

There are just so many reasons why people will have sex outside the relationship and compulsion is probably at the top of the list. I wouldn't throw away someone I loved for that reason if they were honest.

 

[bankside]

I think there are at least as many people whose last dying breath is spent thinking about how much worse it was to keep pretending after their hearts were broken by a cheater they stayed with because of a fear of feeling lonely.

 

[dpnice]

....................... It was a life of regret ...........................

I think that is extremely important when you make a decision in your relationship; there should be absolutely no regrets. You can be sad at the loss of something but you should be certain that you will have no regrets, then you know that you have made the right decision.

 

[72-Jay]

I've never been in a relationship of any sort (girl or guy) (and likely never will be) so ofcourse never have been cheated on.
But lets for the sake of things say was in a relationship with a guy, and he did cheat...
No excuse could ever make up for it, I would never forget/forgive/etc

So very simple, he'd be kicked out of the house...
He better run...
And NEVER come back.
He can have a friend collect his crap from the yard.
(I'd then go crawl off into the corner & likely die of a broken heart)