If you're being bullied or suicidal please read.....

[JUB]

Today was an especially sad day for me, the news hit our staff and mods with sadness and honestly left us speechless. I was bullied too as a kid and it was awful, back when I was a teenager there was no internet, message boards or even community centers to get help. I got beat up and picked on constantly, I attempted suicide when I was 18, but I realized that whatever problems I had in my life suicide was a permanent solution to a temporary problem and would honestly hurt the ones around me more. In this day and age you have many places you can turn to for help. I want to be a part and say: "It does get better!"

This information age I do see a new light and help is available. If you are under 18 check out http://www.emptyclosets.com.


The Trevor Project at 866 4U TREVOR. It's a 24-hour, national help line for gay and questioning teens. You can learn more about The Trevor Project at their website: http://www.thetrevorproject.org.

Angels and Doves is a nationwide anti-bullying non profit organization.
Their website is http://www.AngelsandDoves.com

The National Center for Bullying Prevention is helping to promote awareness
and teach effective ways to respond to bullying. You can learn more about
them at their website: http://www.Pacer.org/bullying

The Matthew Shepard Foundation runs Matthew's Place, an online community and resource center for LGBTQ youth. The website is http://www.matthewsplace.com


If you are thinking about suicide please tell someone. You can also call the suicide prevention life line at 1-800-273-8255.


Hang in there things will get better.

Hugs,
Mark

 

[AdmiraalW238]

To the Mods and Admin team of JUB ...

You have all handled this situation with the dignity it deserves.

This thread should be made a STICKY and placed at the top of each and every section of JUB.

To anyone out there who is having trouble with bullying remember that there are places in your local area that you can go.

And also remember that we JUBBERS will always be here for you as well.

 

[GL]

it breaks my heart to hear about all of these suicides and it angers me that its because of bullying.

i too suffered my share of it and in my darkest times i thought about suicide but for whatever reason that was as far as it went: only a thought, a notion.

back then there was no where to go. no one to turn to. thank goodness that's not the case now.

i am praying for those poor souls we've lost lately and in the past and i do hope that anyone who is thinking about suicide will take a moment and find someone and talk things out.

 

[G-Lexington]

I'd like to also point out that we do have a "Coming Out & Relationships" section here at JUB, where people post about whatever issues they're currently facing. Lots of good advice gets dispensed there (no - not just mine), so do check it out.

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=70

Lex

 

[Daximus]

Bravo to Mark and fellow mods for showing that we do care and there are other options.

My situation is very similar to Mark's. If the internet and todays tech was around in the early 90's, I dunno how I could of handled it.

 

[jdcnow]

I'd like to share my own personal story here. If it'll help one person see things differently, then it's worth posting.

 

[hotdog1846]

Please remember:

You are not alone. There are more gay people around than you might think. Make use of the resources posted here. Create an account and post your trouble in Coming Out & Relationships.

"This too shall pass."

 

[cowtipper9]

I remember being in junior high and having a bully kid punch me very hard in the chest. Almost caused my heart to stop (or felt like it at the time) since it was unexpected punch and very very hard. He probably was bullying me since I liked to hang out with a few guys who were known to be gay. Looking back, it's one of the seminal events of my childhood that sticks out. It didn't break me; I can't even remember crying at the time. I do remember the pain in my chest lasted for days. Fact is, I never shared the story with anyone else (not my parents nor any friends). I didn't tell anyone for fear the questions it might raise about my own life and sexuality. Also, there was a worry that telling someone might eventually backfire on me. I'm sure Tyler Clementi had some of the same thoughts. Why he did commit suicide, though, I don't know. It doesn't appear he let the process work itself out. Or perhaps he felt they didn't care. Such a sad ending. I cried when I heard the story. For my own situation, though, I made the big mistake. Gaybashers need to be stopped, reported and held accountable for their actions. Left unstopped, gaybashers learn they can get away with things and move on to higher crimes. We all need to speak up, be strong and not be afraid to report injustices and crimes against us. Tyler apparently did speak up but for some reason the administration or sensitives at Rutgers fell short of being supportive. RIP Tyler.

 

[MrBubulino]

Wow... This is really amazing. I really admire the staff for doing this. It shows me how strong this small community is. I'm emotional right now because I'm so glad I ever got to this forum where I was able to meet such nice people who really support and care of one another.

Great work. And hopefully this thread will change a kid's life, so we don't have to suffer any more suicides because of the society's prejudice about the way we are.

 

[cocksucker4use]

A couple of guys from my high school killed themselves, and I am guessing it was around gay issues. I was very closeted and afraid in our small midwestern town and battled depression myself, but fortunately overcame. I recall that Bob, a couple of years older than me, somehow sought me out when he was back from school that summer. I remember going out with him for coffee and having a long talk with him. I often wondered later if he wanted to talk about being gay or bi or whatever. Tom was in my class and I had always been in school with him, but did not know him. It is good that there is a heightened awareness of this issue and that hopefully young guys...and older ones, too....will have access to resources and not die needlessly.

 

[thewiz]

I commend the mods and would tell anyone that there are many wonderful people to help even when you think life is darkest.

In the winter of 2004 and into the spring of 2005 I, too, was struggling with my sexuality. I had lived a lie for many years and because of the death of a loved one, was thinking perhaps life was not worth living. I knew I was gay but could not or did not know how to admit it.

I found JUB quite by accident while searching for gay forums. Those on this site helped me get comfortable with myself, helped me as I made my first steps into the gay world and have been here since. I've met both in person and online with wonderful individuals who convinced me that dying may mask the present but would not allow me to experience the great future that was in store.

I am now out, have a loving family, and will marry the man of my dreams this spring!

When you think every door has been closed behind you, sometimes you find that instead a window has now been opened; it is sometimes hard to find that window in the depths of darkness but there are those here who will hold the flashlight!

 

[star-warrior]

If you are from the United Kingdom then please consider the following

http://www.papyrus-uk.org/

" UK resources and support for those dealing with suicide, depression or emotional distress – particularly teenagers and young adults."

www.samaritans.org

UK 08457 909090
ROI 1850 609090

"We don't know when you might need us.

That's why we're open 24 hours a day.

Samaritans provides confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which could lead to suicide."

www.studentdepression.org

"The site has been developed in consultation with students who have been affected by depression, low mood or suicidal thoughts. Many of their stories and suggestions are included on the site."

http://www.nightline.ac.uk/Home.aspx

"Nightline is a listening, emotional support, information and supplies service, run by students for students and open at night when few other services are available. "

If you live in other countries outside of the US or UK, then please visit the following for more information about support services closer to you.

http://www.befrienders.org/

"We work worldwide to provide emotional support, and reduce suicide. We listen to people who are in distress. We don't judge them or tell them what to do - we listen."

You may also like to consider our own JUB help forums or advice and suggestions from our own JUB community.

Coming Out, Relationships & Bisex Talk
Health & Wellbeing

 

[bike10]

Was bullied for not being in with jock crowd back in high school.

The events of past weeks show how the flames of intolerance, hate and bigots add to bulling of one who is gay.

 

[rysmiley88]

There are tears streaming down my face right now. Thank you all for your links for help! I wish I had this support when I was a Teen. I am still haunted by the cruel actions of my High School Classmates, but I have to admit, IT DID GET BETTER! I have had numerous apologies by the "Jocks" and other "Popular" kids, since Graduation. The ones who belittled me the most, are now my friends. High School is a tough place to "come out", but I was lucky. And I wouldn't change a thing..Would I recommend coming out in High School?..I would recommend that you be true to yourself..It can get rough, but as long as you have your true friends to support you, you will be ok...Kick Ass! and take names later!!

 

[dkonez]

I've just read some news about a guy being bullied and committing suicide. And people got exasperated at these things happening in schools. It really hit me as well. Feeling so sorry for them...

 

[MTLDude]

To all French-Canadian victims of bullying
À l'intention des canadiens-français victimes de bullying:

Gai-Écoute http://www.gai-ecoute.qc.ca/

 

[Kulindahr]

Thinking back to my suicidal time after coming out, I'm not sure "It gets better" would have had any meaning at all for me then. "Hey -- I'll buy you a drink!" had a lot more affirmative content to it, in that frame of mind. I would have dismissed "It gets better" as some ploy by those without the problem to wish mine away.

Pondering that, I'll venture that far more effective to me would have been, "That's not the whole world", or maybe, "There's a whole different world". That's a thought that attaches in my memory to the day I almost skipped up the steps of the Red Cap bar in Portland with the feeling I was coming home: that world where sex itself was evil, and even wanting sex with other guys was a sort of slimy wickedness (or wicked sliminess) that even Hell finds disgusting, was not the whole world, in fact two steps more and I'd be in a world where admitting I liked guys brought smiles and even hugs.

Now, I suppose that qualifies as "getting better". But it wouldn't be what those words would have meant; I would have heard them just as after my first Christmas out the family walked out on me, and someone said, "They'll come around". The fact is, they haven't come around, and even if they had, I was totally certain at the time that they never would. "It gets better" says, "The world you're in will change", when for many, many of us the world we were in just had to be ditched, because it wasn't going to change, ever, at all, in anyway. Raising an expectation that bullying small-minded religious bigots are going to become different can actually drive someone the wrong direction, because it just says, "No one really understands".

And what needs to be understood is that some worlds out there are not, to use a theme from my JUB story, fit for life: they need to die. Killing one's self removes one's self from that world, but it isn't the death that's needed -- the death that needs to happen is that of a world that believes that there are people who aren't fit for life.

So the message in many cases shouldn't be "It gets better", but "There's another world out here". Where I was, that's a line that would have caught my attention and given me hope.

 

[frankfrank]

^ Or, better, a mixture of both messages. The above post shows that the "It gets better" message won't be received and heeded by everybody, but on the other hand I don't really gather that yuou're saying that such a message would have had a negative effect on you. I think you're only saying that you would have dismissed it and not really noticed it.

That being said (and am I correct?), that means that the "It gets better" message is likely to have one of only two outcomes on those who hear it:

1. The person receiving the message will dismiss it, or it will have no effect on his/her thoughts, or
2. The person receiving the message will heed it, and act on it, and realize there are people who care, and the person takes that ball and runs with it.

The "It gets better" project, though its main focus is on antigay bullying of youth, can be applied to many other things in life as well.

The same, Kulindahr, is true of the "There's another world out here" message. Chances are good that, if one of the messages doesn't resonate, the other one will. Or both will. The messages may resonate only subconsciously, but that has a way of working good changes as well.

That guy who emotionally delivered his message in an otherwise ordinary and probably boring City Council meeting in Texas on the 12th has undoubtedly saved some lives with his message. I heard today on Sirius OutQ that his delivery has now had more than one million views. No doubt some of the viewers have been anti-gay people who have, perhaps for the first time in their lifetimes, been made aware of the pain that their bigotry can cause. As I said in another thread, an editorial or message of that level of importance reaches the public only once every few years.

 

[Kulindahr]

I think the "it will get better" message means a lot more when it comes from someone who's been a victim, himself (or herself).

When it comes from somebody else—say Hillary Clinton—it's nice, but it doesn't carry the ring of authenticity.

Good point. It's like when I was going through a period when I was utterly certain that if my life ended, intelligent beings several galaxies over would suddenly find that existence was more pleasant, and someone said, "I understand what you're going through" -- my response boiled down to "STFU -- you're so clueless, you make me sick". What did get through to me was "You look miserable. You sound miserable. I can't imagine being that miserable, and I'm not sure I want to. But I'm here, if that helps."

 

[RyanE23]

Hey,

I'm not sure if I can post this here since it is a YouTube link, and it is a bit long, but it deals with the "It Gets Better" message.

It is a City Council meeting in Texas, and the man speaking is the head of it, I believe.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ax96cghOnY4&feature=player_embedded[/ame]

PS- Pass it on to others.