If you're currently falling for a straight friend

[spencer]

I was right there with ya. I came out to a good buddy of mine, and I knew he would be cool with it. We got a place together and what not, and then he started seeing and dating my best friend. Now the two of them are always together and I hate it because I wish I was her. Not so much as to being with him, just have what they have. At first I was falling for him, but i realized that would be bad, so I told myself I have to get over it... It was hard, especially since we live together and see each other all the time. But im happier now because I am able to just be myself around him and what not, and know that he has my other best friend too and shes clearly making him happy.
Honestly, just tell yourself to move on and try hard, dont give up. Still remain friends with him, because from what i can tell, you guys are pretty close. You dont wanna lose a friend like that, no matter what the reason. Try and find some more friends to help take your mind off it a little, and just distance yourself, but not too much. You can do it, and when you do you will feel a lot better because you will know you are over him, but you still have the friendship that you want and need. Good luck bro

wow, thanks for the success story. thanks for everybody's post actually.

Actually, Bobby and I are fighting. He's got an anger management issue (coupled with be being so pushy it doesn't make a good combo) and a selfish issue.

I actually told him to talk to me when he decides to grow up. That was the other day.

I'm pretty lost actually. I've been able to focus more on my work, but I'm really hurt cause we are great friends and he calls and texts daily and today nothing.

Being angry at him is actually helping me feel better. But I don't want to lose him so I will probably call him after he's done with finals.

On a good note, I had a good evening on Saturday and actually hung out with someone who was available. He's sweet and we did a lot of dirty dancin at the club all I got was butterfly kisses, so I'm not so sure what's the deal with him (two weeks ago he asked me to spend the night, but I was to blitzed to drive). Oh well, it's fun and distracting and I'm keeping it cool. Didn't even text him since since before he called me last.

 

[spencer]

So an update. I tweeted a random thought and Bobby texted on my phone (as opposed to @replying me on twitter). I figured since he went through all that I'd @reply him a response back.

I wanted to find out if he was moving back home and so I got the nerve to call him. He answered and we talked and I told him about how upset I still was for the things he said. He apologized about half a dozen times and while it was comforting, I told him that it's gonna be awhile before I can forgive him completely. He said, we'll it might not be resolved in this phone call but we'lll work on it and contined to apologize.

He's just so nice when he's not angry, but when he turns into Mr. Hyde, he'll rip your head off.

I'm bummed he's moving from 2 hours away to 7 hours away. I'll miss Bobby but at least being further away will help with my attractions to him.

 

[ManAlive]

Hey I saw this thread so I thought I would join up and share my story...

I met this guy at school, and we quickly got to be friends and by the beginning of A-Levels (I'm British - I'm guessing thats unusual on here?), everyone could see the chemistry between us, and we were bestest buddies. I hadnt come out to anyone but another friend of mine. Anyway, we ended up spending a lot of time with each other, as you would expect, and as the friendship grew so did my attraction to him. I knew he was straight, but I couldnt stop myself. I played all kinds of mind games, with myself as much as him, and as you say I was practically torturing myself over it. But all the time I knew he wanted to my friend, he kept telling me that I was his "only true friend". Anyway everything got too much when he invited me to go camping with him. After spending all that time in his company, I knew I couldnt go any longer without telling him. I tried to be a bit more obvious about it but he was so oblivious. So, when I got back to Uni (this is about four years after we became freinds), I evetually managed to send him a very long email (thats the main way we were staying in contact), detailing everything. His reply was swift, and sounded like he was ok with it... A few days later he metioned how weird things were, so I said he could take some space. After four weeks he got contact again... but the conversation didnt ever seem right. Eventually I brought up the gay thing again, and he reassured me things would be alright in the end. The day after that, he said he "couldnt be bothered" with our friendship any more.

Obviously I was devestated, but in the end, I think its probably a good thing. I'm free to enjoy University for a change now. I still miss him, and Ive heard through a mutual friend that he regrets his actions, but he cant do really, as we havnt spoken since.

I hope things do work out for everyone in a similar situation... I just hope falling for a striaght guy doesnt become a regular occurance lol.

 

[rareboy]

^ Well put. Move on. Get emotionally and socially healthy.

 

[spencer]

----------------Update------------

So Bobby moved back to Chicago. (6 hours away) And along with it so did basically our friendship. I'm so angry at him right now, basically he met a girl before he left and she turned into his world and I didn't. I realized that I was just convenient for him (or so it seems) and when I confronted him he said, we're still good friends, yada yada yada. I asked him, do I even cross your mind anymore? He said yes, of course. Well he used to text me every morning. I haven't gotten a text from him in two days. I did share a tear or two. Bobby and I have so much and if I think about it too much I'll get sad again. I know that since he's at home (4 younger siblings) he's so overstimulated that he doesn't feel the need to text me. It just hurts cause I know he's texting the lady friend he left back at school. So yeah, I get to be chopped liver.


Now on a different note. I went on a date last night with Justin. He is the exact opposite of no homo, lol. I've known him for a couple of years and seen him go with all types of guys. He had his stint with the bathhouse and recreational usage. I used to have the biggest mini-crush on him from afar.

Zoom to the present, we start talking and go out and have a great time. I ask him out again and begin to learn all kinds of stuff I never thought. He manages restaurants, he helps out his family monetarily. He's trying to quit smoking, he's done with drugs and all kinds of get your life back on track stuff.

Let me tell you, anyone who can get their shit together like that, makes my heart MELT.

I was a little school boy, I was so nervous, I couldn't even eat or drink much and my stomach was in knots.

We went out and he gave me the same butterfly kissed I posted above and said, why did you just kiss me? He said, what, I can't kiss you. I said oh you can, but I want more than just little kisses, I want the real deal. So I started to get real kisses and I was happy (I'm not controlling )

I'm going to stop oogling now, but let me tell you this. Justin has the largest hands I've ever seen on a guy ever. I have fairly large hands and his hands are a full knuckle larger. When he put his hand on my lap the whole way home driving, it was the single sweetest thing that's happened in a long time with me. He makes me feel safe (he used to be in karate for years). Damn, what else can those hands do.

And to top it all off, when he got home, he texted me saying he had a great time and thanked me. What a perfect gentlemen. Someone's gunnin straight for my heart :swoon:.

I'm playing it easy.... low expectations, enjoy the moment. I heard from a friend that he might be dating someone else too. But that was 2 weeks ago and he's on a date with me now. That loser doesn't stand a chance, IMO

 

[darkboy_0219]

Aghh.. I hate the fact of falling for a straight friend...

My case, I'm bi, found out when I was 13... but for many years I only cared about being with women because meanwhile I felt physical attraction towards men and women, I only felt emotional attraction towards women... it was like this until I met this guy on my sophomore year of college...

it was my third semester in college and I had a chemestry class at 8 am, and then calc 3 after that. so I spotted this really hot guy that was in both of my classes. after a few weeks the semester started, one friend of mine went to him to ask him something about a homework we had... so we met... nothing special and got together a few minutes to do the homework before class.

after a few days I was looking at a friends myspace and I saw a guy who looked just like him... but I wasn't sure. So the next day I came to him and ask him... hey do you know this girl? and he was, yeah! she is a good friend of mine, how do you know her? so we started talking about that and since that day we started talking more and more during class, walking together from one class to another... then as time was passing by we were becoming better and better friends. We started to hang out a clubs, going to play pool like twice or three times a week and suddenly we were best friends

It was like this for a whole year... but then we didn't have class together anymore... we both had jobs at the time and it was really hard to keep in touch, but we managed to go out one in a while for a few beers.

And I have to say it was really weird, since I've never connected like that with a guy before. He actually introduced me his group of friends that he spent a lot of time with and it was really funny to see how he interacted with them compared to me... With his friends he was the typical frat boy, but with me it was having serious but interesting talks, having great time without doing stupid things... a more mature friendship

but as I already mentioned, we started to get distant because of work, he almost never had time to do anything and then it was when it hit me! I was missing him A LOT! I started to realize these feelings towards him. But he is straight... I always kept telling myself... even when he only had one serious girlfriend, he had told me many stories of his dates and how scared was one time that almost got a girl pregnant... so he is straight... but the way he was so sweet to me, so sensitive AGHHH!!!

And actually, while we were distant, I was sending him messages, like once every two weeks, about how things with my life was going, that I wanted to see him and that I missed all the time that we used to hang out together... but he hardly replied to a few of them, so I started to think he didn't care about me anymore. and actually was getting worried that all my messages would be like a bother to him.

So it happened that I was going to take this trip 2000 miles away from home, with the possibility of never coming back... So I had the chance to talk to him about my plans and he was very supportive and everything and we started to hang out like we used to. So I bought my plain ticket and I told him that I wanted to talk to him. (He didn't know I'm gay, less that I had feelings for him, so I wanted to say everything because there was the chance of never see him again). So one day before I was leaving, he went to my friends apartment, where I was staying the night, and we started to just talk about the trip, and he started to put emotional!, my plane was leaving until noon so he told me that we should better have the talked in the morning since he had things to do that afternoon.

So he left, and we met the next morning. And one of the first things he told me was that he had to almost run away from last night because he was about to cry!!! so my mind was thinking so many things with this information... however, we never had the chance to actually talk... my family kept calling me the whole morning crying and asking me why I was doing this (My trip was really spontaneous) and I started to cry over the phone talking with my siblings, but he was there the whole time!! hugging me while I was crying, giving me support. After several phone calls, specially one with my father, I decided that I was still leaving but just for a couple of months, to taste the waters... and then come back home, and plan everything carefully to be more prepared... So, I'm coming back, I was going to see him again, besides that we didn't had a chance to actually talk, so decided to still keep it secret for the moment...

But he was really sweet, he even went all the way to the airport with me, he missed two classes but didn't care...

so I few times we have talked through aim after that (this was a month ago) and talking about how amazing is the place where i am right now, but that I wished he was here with me, or that I was there with him... at the end we ended up saying to each other how much we cared to each other and that I miss him...

on the other hand, we was having a lot of problems at home... he had a car accident a few days after I left, (nothing happened to him) but the car was destroyed, he was having problems at work and school was too much. And I was feeling so useless and guilty... although I had nothing to do with it... and then he stopped talking to me... I said to myself, ok he is in finals, and with problems at work we haven't had the chance to do anything... but school was over two weeks ago... I have sent him e-mails keeping him updated of what I'm doing and ask him how is he... nothing... no replies... and I didn't wanted to do it but I saw his profile on myspace and everything and he have kept replying to other friends, so I don't know what to think about anymore...

He is the only guy I've imagined myself with so far... but again, he is straight

 

[darkboy_0219]

but the story doesn't end there

While I'm still away from home... I took this little bus trip with an organization I joined across north states of usa, so it gave me the chance to meet a lot of people... and that's were I met this other guy... let's call the first guy G1 and this one G2 (this was like 3 weeks ago)

so, this bus trip was a little unusual, we started at one city with 15 people, and when to another city and another 15 people came along, then another city and G2 came along and all ended up in Chicago. So we were spending 24/7 time together, so everyone on the bus started to get along pretty nicely and become really good friends, and this was during 8 days. So when we were on the city were G2 was, I looked at him when I met him and thought, oh he is cute, and really interesting guy!. and when I found out that he was coming with us I got excited!. During the trip I was developing feelings for him. So G2, myself and other people made this little group and got even closer and started to get to know each other better. Most of us were from the first city the bus departed from.. so when we had to go back home, we convinced G2 to go all the way to our city to stay at least a day, and that we we'll pay him the bus back home, so he agreed.

that day, we had so much fun, we did so many things and we were getting along pretty damn good. Unfortunately he had to leave the next day, and actually I was the only one who had the chance to say goodbye to him at the bus station. so we said goodbye, and told him I love you man...

So far, I know that he is straight... although really open minded with gay people, really cool with that... oh, and he doesn't know I'm bi

so now... it was with facebook, not myspace.. (god, stupid websites =P) and we kept contact... and while our conversations he had told me I miss you buddy, twice already... and just two days ago we were talking about job and started to get sarcastic and me as well, and I just made the comment of, damn! we are so alike sarcastically speaking... because he started to talk just like I do. So he said: stop bitchin' about it! that's why we're best friends lol, and we started laughing...

so I was like, he does care about me, it wasn't just the trip... and then we were talking about how I'm having a hard time finding a job and he kept telling that I shouldn't be worried that something will come up, and I just throw the comment that he better be right or I will hunting him all the way to his home with my last pennys left!! and he was niiiiiice!!! hahahahahaha

so what the hell with this guys!?!?!? they are straight... according to them, but then they give these signs and make me think otherwise... and unfortunately too, it happened something similar as with G1, he only talked to me when I talked to him on the chat... but he doesn't reply any of my messages on facebook... aghhh frustrating...

and because I don't have a job right now, I have a lot of time to kill, and I just can't stop thinking about him and looking at his pictures... but then it pops into my mind... G1

damn... I now have a crush for two guys at the same time! both live far away from me, and both are straight! what the hell!!!

I just don't know what to do anymore... I know that I'll see G2 in near future... and I'm coming back home in a month and see G1....

with G1 I see myself having a really good relationship, since we have history and are best friends... and G2 is really good damn fine boyfriend material... but both are impossibles! I shouldn't even think about possibilities that don't exist...

f*ck!

 

[spencer]

These guys have one thing in common. They are all in need of emotional support. They meet a seemingly straight guy that shows the support that they've never experienced with any men before and so it comes across from the closet guy as this straight guy is in love with him. its such a unique dynamic that is heart wrenching for both parties. ugh

 

[scains]

My story is pretty simple although I'm not sure how far it has gone (in terms of me being in love with him)

My "crush" started in High school. I mean, I had never spoken to him before (him and his friends picked on me a couple of years before)

After our christmas dance the 5th and 6th years have an after party where, obviously, everyone gets drunk and parties. I was feeling ill (without having anything to drink) and some girl from my art class had been sitting with me and trying to get me to dance with her - she had this really annoying crush on me... mind you, I wasn't out - and this guy who I had been checking out a lot came up to me and told me I should get up and dance, and tells me that I'm sexy... that was basically when it began.

Although I never spoke to him afterward.

But, we work together in a hotel. I'm a barman and he's a waiter. It's been that way for ages but I just avoided him and admired him from afar. He has a really cute butt!

Anyway, last August, I noticed that my friend (female) was crushing on him... she never told me, I could just see the way she looked at him - the same way I do... and I began to wind her up about it. So they get together, and are still together. Problem is, my crush feels more intense now.

The way I see it, I encouraged her to get with him because I knew I couldn't have him and this would help me get over him.
I've started talking to him now, he's friends with my friends. So we sometimes all hang out together as well. He's so easy to get along with (something I wish I had realised earlier) and I think he looks at me the way I look at him... but even if I could I wouldn't want to ruin his relationship with her so I am trying to keep this stuff as subtle as possible. But how long can you hide your feelings for someone?

I live in the middle of nowhere, so it's limited in it's pickings of gay men (if there are any besides me) so I'm just picking the first guy I'm attracted to...

 

[vetterx021]

Yikes, I've been through the same thing, and it was the worst/best experience of my life. In a way, I'm still going through it, and I'll probably continue to do so forever.

I'm not going to say "Force yourself to acknowledge the fact that he'll never love you in the same way," or anything like that because it's impossible. I understand. The only thing I can recommend is what you'd do for any other type of heartbreak; gay, straight, and all of the above.

You have to find something new to focus on. Heartbreak is depressing because it directs all of our emotions and energy into one negative feeling. I've found the most effective way to get over it is to "distract" yourself from the one you've been obsessing over. Get lost in a book. Pick up a new hobby. Go to a club and meet as many new guys as possible (at this point, gay or straight, but as you progress, try to stick to the gay ones).

It's incredibly hard to do! I know exactly how you feel. Some days you wake up and all you want to do is lay in bed and cry, but you've got to do whatever it takes, in as many baby steps as you need, to find a new focus in life.

I'm a senior in college now, and towards the end of my Freshmen year I fell for a straight guy I knew. The heartbreak completely devastated me to the point of being one of my life's defining events. That summer, my sophomore year, and my junior year I was depressed, incoherent, and totally insane. I lived my life based on that one person, only to come up short of my fantasies and disappointed every time. But it wasn't until the summer before my senior year, when I directed my focus towards finding a career and figuring out life after college that I started to notice myself REALLY getting over him (after numerous false alarms). I'd wake up in the morning, and he wouldn't be the first thing I thought about anymore because I had so many other things on my mind. My heart still jumps when I see him, but I know deep down that I'm beyond that stage of my life now.

Like I said, it's incredibly difficult and it could even take years to do, but you've GOT to find a new focus in life. Look to the things you really enjoy, the things that raise your spirit, and the things that are just good for your soul. Trust me, you'll be alright someday. If I could get through it, I'm sure anyone can.