Ignoring a friend

[Stoopid]

I made a friend about 8 months ago while I was still in high school. After spending time with him everyday during class, our friendship grew, and I developed a crush on him. He isn't perfect (he can be rude, lazy, and moody at times), but who is? He has the same sense of humor as me and makes me smile like no other.

During the 5th month, he abruptly transfered to another school, and I was broken. I didn't get to properly see him off, and I remember locking myself in the bathroom and bawling my eyes out. To make up for this, I drew a comic strip type picture that involved him in an aircraft bombing an island, framed it up, and sent it to his new address. After receiving it, he thought it was funny as hell and told me that I'm a great friend. I was really happy when he told me it was hanging on his bedroom wall!

So up until this week, we've been keeping in touch through instant messaging, and most of time we'd talk about the most childish things, such as the gnomes that steal his socks at night (they freak him out). Just three weeks ago though, I came out to him by saying that I'm allergic to vagina (although I'm not!). He took it better than I thought. The week after, I sang to him the "best friend song," and now he thinks we're best friends forever (......).

Sadly, I have no reason to think he is gay at all. He has a girlfriend, whose pussy he loves. It disturbs me every time he mentions it. I've decided to erase him from my contact list, although he can still contact me (which barely happens, most of time, I have to message him first). Continuing to talk to him only seems to harvest my pointless attraction.

So am I right to ignore him? A part of me feels it is inhumane to cut off a friend at the click of a mouse.

On a side note, I can't to move into college this Friday

 

[G-Lexington]

If you really feel that every time you talk to him, you're growing more obsessed with him, then maybe it's wise to minimize contact.

But for God's sake, let him know why.

What would happen if a guy you liked (not like that), who you've supported when he came out, who sang you the "best friend song", who you thought was your "best friend forever"...stopped talking to you?

Lex

 

[looseliam]

I am pleased to see you realise you need to tend to yourself.

You have already answered your questions, I think you're looking for some reassurance.

This may be the best route for you. With college starting, no need to waste time pinning for some unrequited love.

Best of luck to you, and honestly hun, don't let it get you down. When you do what's best for you, you shouldn't feel bad.

 

[Danugh]

I feel you did the right thing by cutting him off cold Turkey.

He deserves no explanation. He left you first and you never even got to say a proper goodbye. He was responsible for you crying your eyes out. He hurt you so bad and now its time to make him feel how you felt.


Don't call him or tell him the reason why. If he cared about you he wouldnt continue to throw in your face that he loves vagina. How disgusting is he. Its so rude for straights to discuss with their gay friends all the sex they have with girls. Besides if you tell him the real reason then he will see you in a different light and it could ruin the friendship.

You just need to make a clean break and move on.

You are starting college and you dont need all this stress.

 

[luminum]

I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did anything get edited out of the original post?

Are you kicking him out of your life because he was a bad friend? Are you dropping him because he talks to you about sex? Is he meaningfully throwing his sex life in your face?

From what I can tell from your post, you became really good friends with this guy, he moved away, and the two of you kept up the friendship despite the distance. You even consider each other "best friends", but now that he's talking to you about his sex life, you want him out of your life?

Does sex talk make you uncomfortable? Did you tell him that you don't want to hear about his sex life? Does he know it makes you uncomfortable?

Would you ever talk to him about your sex life? A lot of close guy friends I have feel free to exchange sex life stories, gay or straight.

To me, it just seems like you're dropping your so-called "best friend" because he's not gay for you.

 

[backpacker]

He sounds like he's a pretty good friend. Only you can decide if totally cutting off contact is the right thing to do. I would give a shot at altering the current dynamic before giving up on the friendship. Let him know that you are gay and that you are uncomfortable talking about his sex life. Once school starts, join some groups and get yourself involved in some activities. Be sure that some of them include gay guys. Once you surround yourself with available guys, you will stop focusing on your straight friend. Hopefully you can maintain a healthy friendship with your friend, but if not, you will need to move on.

 

[benlemieux2003]

Abandoning your best friend because you don't have the balls to face reality to me is pretty damn cowardly.

Yes, he's prolly straight, yes, you probably will never have him. Friends talk about bunch of stuff, including sex, gay or straight. That's the beauty of friends. You can talk about anything without fear of repercussion and without getting in each other's pants.

I see you're 18 so people your age are quite reactionary still. You don't know the line between friendship and love.

At least you could mention to him that you're uncomfortable when he talks about his girlfriend, but at the same time, imagine how you'd feel if he told you he's uncomfortable when you talk about your boyfriend.

So because he's not gay, you're shutting him out? ONLINE, on top of things? Wow. This is a bottom of the barrel attitude.

If you do maintain that course of action I swear to you in 1, 2 years you'll turn back and realize how much of a mistake it is. It's inhumane. Straight guys are awesome friends. My gay friends are NOWHERE close to my straight buds. It's like you suffer from heterophobia, which to me is just as bad as homophobia.

I don't want to judge you but I feel really appalled by your attitude. You seriously need to apologize to your friend and do some major thinking about your views on life.

 

[Stoopid]

Are you kicking him out of your life because he was a bad friend? Are you dropping him because he talks to you about sex? Is he meaningfully throwing his sex life in your face?

Does sex talk make you uncomfortable? Did you tell him that you don't want to hear about his sex life? Does he know it makes you uncomfortable?

Would you ever talk to him about your sex life? A lot of close guy friends I have feel free to exchange sex life stories, gay or straight.

No, no, and no... I just want him out of my mind for a while to help overcome my crush. And talking to him isn't gonna get him off my mind.

Actually, I was the one who initiated the sex talk, asking whether his girlfriends va jay jay's was shaved or not. I guess I'm trying to get used to it.

Honestly, I would never want to talk about my gay sexual activities with any of my friends, because if I do, they'll start wondering and picturing things about me, and I don't want that. I can manage if they want to talk their sex life though, although the accompanied images are not that pleasant, yet still quite hilarious.

Abandoning your best friend because you don't have the balls to face reality to me is pretty damn cowardly.

Perhaps I've worded my thoughts poorly, but I'm not actually COMPLETELY abandoning him. I've just decided to not make the initiative to contact him anymore. He can still contact me if he pleases. Judging from our last conversation, it seemed as if I was annoying him. I feel terrible about annoying people, even though I don't really mean to. Once I've overcome my crush on him, though, I'm sure I'll contact him again.. I'm sorry if that sounds cowardly.

Reality is, he's straight and I don't have a chance, and I've realized that. To truly not face reality is to continue to believe that I do have a chance.

So because he's not gay, you're shutting him out? ONLINE, on top of things? Wow. This is a bottom of the barrel attitude.

No, I have plenty of straight man friends, I just don't have crushes on them. I know the online thing sounds silly, but I hate talking on the phone.


Even though I say we're best friends, it doesn't feel like we really are. 7 er 8 months really isn't long enough. Maybe in time, but not now. Just really good friends!

 

[confusedboy23]

If he was gay, and he wasn't into you then I think you have every right to ignore him just so you could heal. You could then decide to ignore him temporarily or permanently.

However, he did not choose to be straight just like you did not choose to be gay! Put that into perspective. So, I think it's really unfair that you just cut contact with him. Some people are not very good at "initiating contacts" and he sounds like one of them. It doesn't hurt to say 'Hello' on IM before he does although only you would know how sincere he is with regards to your "friendship". He sounds like a great friend.

Granted you will never "have" him, you may in the end, end up being better friends. Does he know you're gay? Is it worth it to tell him you're gay and you have a crush on him? Only you can answer those questions too.

 

[Matthew-]

Its normal to ignore him, just keep his e-mail adress in case you change your mind later.

 

[evil_danger]

I've been in a basically identical situation with a close friend of mine, only he didn't move away.

I love him, even though hes recently going out with my best friend who is a girl, but the guy is bisexual himself.

I decided I would much rather have him as a close friend, even though it hurts to see him with someone else, than cut him out of my life and loose a really good mate. The amount of running jokes we have about animal masturbation is just stupid, why give up a friend you can talk random crap to and they can understand you.

I ignored him for a few days , he hated it, the only explination I gave him was "I can handle myself ignoring you because it wont hurt as much as you ignoring me" Which basically gave away why I was being really shitty towards him.

Dont cut a friend out of your life just because you have strong feelings for them, he's done nothing wrong, neither have you, just need to let those feelings mature into close friendship.

If you tell him how you feel then you can explain that you might need some time on your own, maybe once he knows your feelings will pass. At least if he's ignoring you then you dont have to worry about ignoring him.

 

[Shepherd 2]

Ouch. You are doing a number on you.
Let go.
Shep+

 

[Matthew-]

I love him, even though hes recently going out with my best friend who is a girl, but the guy is bisexual himself.

My former boyfriend, who was also bisexual, did something similar to me. This being said, I guess if he really needs a girl, its ok.