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I'm 21, he's 36

A

Avernio

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Is there anything wrong with wanting to date a guy who is 15 years older than you? The whole age/2+7 doesn't work, but when he is 40, I'll only be 25. I also think he's falling for me faster than I'm falling for him. I think the age thing is holding me back a little bit. I guess I'm just worried about what my family would say. I feel like if we went out in public people would see him more as my dad than as my boyfriend lol

I guess it all just seems silly. I consider myself very mature for my age; my parents always saw me as the mature one even though I'm the youngest.
 
There are a lot more important issues than age. If you're ok with it and treat it as normal those close to will do the same especially if he's easily likable.
 
There's nothing wrong with it, but if it doesn't make you feel very comfortable, it's probably not going to work out. You're right. By the time you're 35, he'll be 50. That's daunting for a lot of guys. It's not just about the aging of looks, but accepting a long-term commitment where the last years of your life will most likely not be with your partner because of the age difference.
 
I was 45 and my first bf was 19 and it was GREAT!!!!! His family totally adopted me and we became life long friends even after the relationship ended... age is only a number really... go for it and have fun!!!
 
I don't believe age is only a number, but 36 and 21 is not that extreme. I think it's pushing it (why is a 36 year old so interested in a 21year old? What do you actually have in common) but it's not like some 50 year old bear daddy with an 18 year old just out of high school twink, which NEVER works.
 
youngnihilist said:
I don't believe age is only a number, but 36 and 21 is not that extreme. I think it's pushing it (why is a 36 year old so interested in a 21year old? What do you actually have in common) but it's not like some 50 year old bear daddy with an 18 year old just out of high school twink, which NEVER works.
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This.

I would always be suspicious of a 35 year old who has such strong feelings for a 21 year old. I'm 27 and I already find it difficult to connect to 21 y/olds, and we're talking someone almost ten years older than me. Of course, there are exceptions and it could work, but even though I don't think age should be an issue in and of itself, I think there's a point before which mindsets are simply too different. A 35-50 relationship seems perfectly ok to me, or even a 25-40. But 21 is undergrad age, and there's still a lot of childhood/school mentality left...
 
My two cents...I'm 20 and I'm dating someone who will be 30 in November. At first I was worried about the age difference. But I'm not like most 20 year olds, I act more like a 28-30 year old. Plus we get along really well and have a lot in common but most important for me is that we share a lot of past experiences. So now that I look back on it, the 9.5 years difference for me and him isn't that big of a deal. I would just make sure that he isn't falling for you for the wrong reasons...
 
I'm 42 and my boyfriend is 26. We have a lot of fun together and share a lot of interests. I'm an active person and find guys my age mostly aren't. Both of us have overcome any age related problems, which most have only come from others thinking our relationship is wrong. The sex is great and our relationship is only getting better and closer. We're planning for the long term future together.

So it's very possible to have a great relationship with that age difference.
 
I'd like to add that many times he's been mistaken for my son. We actually laugh about it, Instead of getting embarrassed. It's all how you look at it yourself.
 
Nope, nothing wrong with that. To me age is just a number. I am 21 and I can picture myself dating someone a lot older.
 
Rolyo85 said:
This.

I would always be suspicious of a 35 year old who has such strong feelings for a 21 year old. I'm 27 and I already find it difficult to connect to 21 y/olds, and we're talking someone almost ten years older than me. Of course, there are exceptions and it could work, but even though I don't think age should be an issue in and of itself, I think there's a point before which mindsets are simply too different. A 35-50 relationship seems perfectly ok to me, or even a 25-40. But 21 is undergrad age, and there's still a lot of childhood/school mentality left...
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I agree as well. I'm 26 and would much rather date a someone 24-29 than a 21 year old. Not saying it's impossible for a 21 year old but we're at different stages in life. Of course this is only a 5 year difference. If I was 35, I don't know what I'd be doing with a 21 year old. Much like now at 26, I don't think I could date an 18 year old (fuck one? Yes. But not DATE! WTF do we have in common??)
 
Why do you guys feel you need to have so much in common with a potential partner? I think having different interests is more important than having a lot in common. For one, it keeps you from getting bored with each other. I really wouldn't want to date someone that is just like me. For me, a partner needs to have their own interests, so that we don't have to be doing things together all the time. You're still going to have plenty to talk about, more actually. I enjoy exploring my partner's interests, and my partner enjoys learning about mine. There's interests that he has that I'll never be into myself, but I enjoy participating in his interests just because I like to see him happy. And him with me.

This isn't the first time I've dated a guy much younger than me. We never had much in common but enjoyed a long and happy relationship. While the relationship ended, it was due to other issues (his bisexuality and want of a family)

The only thing I think you need in common is being gay! A lot of times (and I'm not saying anyone here that disagrees with it are doing this) the age issue is a bit like the homosexual issue. "I don't believe in it therefore it's not right!" There's a stigma to it, that as a gay man, I find hypocritical. Deny someone the chance to love someone just because they aren't what is believed to be an appropriate age difference?

And different life stages? Really after college you're an adult and the life stages don't really change much.

Good luck Avernio! I hope you also have a long and happy relationship
 
I never said it's not right. If it's consensual and between two people then it's not my place to say. But I do see that intergenerational relationships almost never last because of that gap. And when the 25 year old dating the 50 year old is approaching his middle years, the 50 year old is a senior citizen (But the relationships never make it this long anyway. AGe differences last very short. ). I actually see this in a heterosexual relationship of someone I know. She is 25 years younger than her husband, now she's 60 and he's 85. She still wants to go out and do stuff but he's pretty much confined to a wheelchair. If she married another man who would currently be 60 they could enjoy their retirement together.
 
Bull to the shit.

I'm with a guy who is 24 years my senior (I'm 21, he's 45). We've been together 2 1/2 years now. Neither of us thought we would fall for someone so much older/younger but it happened and that's all that matters, we were friends first and the feelings developed. Maybe it's because I'm mentally older than I should be, and he's mentally younger and we meet in the middle? We still do loads together, even our friends are now one big group ranging from 20 y/o's (My friends) to 50+ (His) and we all hang out, it's fantastic. Maybe I'm lucky, but it works.

I think you're restricting yourself from falling for him because of his age, just let yourself go, if you have to ask a question about it then it's obvious that it bothers you and that's something for you to deal with.
 
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