I'm a 30 year-old virgin.

[Daddybearsdoit]

I think there is always hope. Look at what you did for yourself when you decided to take charge of your life.

I think the biggest issue you are going to have is meeting men if you don't take a chance and go out. So far as I am aware, there is no mandatory drinking policy at any bar in the US, so if you are disciplined you can still go and have fun. Even if you don't like dancing I'm sure you can find plenty of other people there who don't like it either.

Otherwise, I would say to google your area and see if you can find hobby groups with other gay men. But you have to do something.

Magic isn't going to happen, if you want to be happy you have to make yourself happy, and I think you've proved that you can do that. But being alone all the time, or surrounding yourself with people who are not and probably never will be interested in a relationship, even casual, with you is not going to help the situation.

P.S. though I'm sure some people around here love it, I wouldn't advise getting all roofied up and taking your chances.

I also think that you will find that a lot of guys might actually find your virginity a turn on. Who doesn't want to pop the proverbial cherry, so to speak?

 

[bankside]

You are now my guy's age when he and I met, and we've been together 12 years so far. I was his first boyfriend, and he never even made out with a girl in school. Both of us has very limited prior experience with guys, not long before we were together, and almost everything we did together was covering new ground for both of us.

Anyhow, what do you have in mind? One lifelong relationship? Dating? Dating with sex and then see how it goes? Friend with benefits? Random hookup? Just some affection in a friendship but nothing sexual at the moment?

Now, more to the point, look around you. You probably know some people that would fit some of those categories already, or you might not know them but they wouldn't be hard to find. Do any of them actually appeal to you?

The magic spot is the intersection of your hopes and fantasies with the possibilities that are out there.

 

[breathe]

If you had the courage and willingness to lose that much weight, I have no doubt you'll be able to find the courage to put yourself out there and meet guys. Perhaps location makes it more difficult though. But there are options!

 

[desmond]

A celibate priest? Save up for even just a weekend trip to NY or San Francisco, one uneventful stroll down Castro can be very therapeutic. Or annoying. But it seems like you're on a good trajectory

 

[Reality101]

^What he said

Welcome to the forum and congratulations on losing so much weight. That is awesome!

Go to that local gay bar in town. It may be hard to go by yourself, but you can do it. Go and do whatever you feel comfortable with even if it is just standing around by yourself. Just go. Then go again and again and again, each time daring yourself to step more and more outside of your comfort zone. You can do it. Take control of your life like you took control of your weight!

 

[hylas]

congrats on getting into shape! dont worry about the virgin thing, its not that big a deal.

now, how to "get started". one obvious way is the internet. now, there are some users here who seem to actively hate dating sites, and to be sure, there are lots of assholes and trolls on those sites. but personally, i think dating sites are great for both hookups and dating. just use common sense. the way people present themselves on their profiles already tells you tons about them, so its relatively easy to avoid unpleasant experiences. just dont meet anybody who comes across as weird online, be proud and picky.

as for the gay bar, i personally find it always a little awkward to go to such places alone. i think its much better to go there with a friend. if you dont have any gay friends yet, why not use the internet to find some? just state in your profile explicitly that youre not looking for sex or dates but for friends to explore the gay scene with.

 

[somedude987]

I'm also a 30 year old virgin. . That's what I get for not figuring out I liked guys until I was 25. Don't ask me what to do though... I have no idea. Maybe I can let you know what my therapist says once I get one, because I have no clue. I did notice I felt a lot more comfortable hanging out with gay guys the first time I did it--all my close friends are straight, but some circumstances meant I found myself at a small impromptu gay party which was novel for sure. It made me think that despite having great straight friends, having great gay friends would be good too, just because it's a different understanding or something. I've also thought about being a celibate priest but upon reflection decided a highly sexually active priest would be more to my liking, if it could be arranged (so far, no.)

Obviously you're into exercising so maybe see if you can find a gay sports league. I'm joining a lgbt soccer league in TO and we'll see how that goes. Maybe not so much lgbt stuff in New Brunswick, but you still might be able to find something like it in Fredericton? I'm hoping for myself that it will be better social networking than clubbing which I haven't done and never been into.

Also, you and your beard looks good in your profile pic. And that's a pretty sweet hat. You look thin actually, you don't even look like you were once fat-fat or even regular fat. In the pic you posted you look a bit spaced out though (taking pics of yourself sucks I know). It made me think you should at least try losing the mustache if you're not too attached to it. At the same time, the whole beard looks good in your profile pic so I dunno.

 

[hotatlboi]

I would not recommend random hook ups though. You deserve to find a guy who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, with tender loving care.

I'll have to go ahead and disagree with this.

Being a virgin at 30 sucks. You can't afford to wait for the special guy anymore. Just fuck someone and get it over with.

Then, once you aren't really nervous about the physical acts anymore (and you will be the first few times) you can have more confidence for meeting people that you really want to be with.

 

[trikky]

well done on getting into shape. If you can do that then you can do pretty much anything. I relate to a lot of what you say and I am at a pretty similar place to where you are now. I have found a gay social group in my area which meets every week for a couple of hours and then everyone goes off to a gay bar for a drink. The group is for people who are just coming out, new to the area or just looking to network and make gay friends. I've only been going a few weeks, but the attendants are so varied in age and everything else, it' s just great to be able to hang out with other gay guys and everyone is so friendly. It's not a dating group or anything so I have just concentrated so far on chatting and being friendly with the other guys and enjoying their company. There must be something similar near you and I would highly recommend using such a group as a way of getting started and meeting guys who could go with you to gay clubs etc. I feel that the most important thing is to open up as many varied opportunities as you can to meet guys so that you have more options to choose from

 

[G-Lexington]

I guess the question is - what do you want?

Do you just want to get laid? You can get laid this weekend if you want. It won't be "magical", but it'll probably be a lot of fun.

Do you want to get into a relationship? Again, you can, but that's a lot harder and takes a lot more time. It basically involves putting yourself out there in front of a lot of guys, getting to know some of them, and seeing if anything clicks.

The thing is - these options are open to everybody. Even 30-year-old virgins. And even fat guys.

Lex

 

[LiveForLove]

It's up to you. Do you want to lose your virginity just for the sake of losing it? Or do you want to be in a loving relationship when you lose it?

 

[Corny]

but all in all, I don't think I'm horrible to look at

funny, I just left you a comment about that on a different post, but I can repeat here agin - you're damn cute

but now I'm still left with this huge burden of being a guy in his late 20's with literally no experience (even outside of the bedroom, I've never been on a date and the only action I've seen has been a drunken make-out or two with some drunk female friends back in my college days) and no clue how to actually put myself out there. not to mention, what guy *isn't* going to get weirded out when the topic comes up?

I don't believe that people would be weirded out about it. Some superficial guys might be .. some might think you're kidding. If you feel really uneasy about this you can still just mention it would be your first time with a man, and everybody would assume you were into girls before and might get even more excited hehe

there's one local gay bar that I'm aware of, but I can't bring myself to go there by myself and my straight friends aren't really clubby type people (and I don't think I am either... dancing is definitely something that I don't enjoy and alcohol was the first thing out the door when I started eating and living healthy)... sometimes, though, I've thought about going, ruffie'ing myself, and hoping for the best. lol.?

A first time is always exciting, no matter what you do You could give it a try, but if it's totally not your thing I'd advise you to see what your town's gay community has to offer. Maybe there is a gay sportsclub or just a bunch of guys doing something else together .. a bookclub anything like that. You probably won't meet Mr Perfect the moment you start there, but you get to know people and people know other people etc. The other alternative would be to give online-dating a shot. But be prepared that most people there are just there for sex and if you aren't you need to double check a guy's intention

 

[bounder]

New Brunswick may not have much of a gay community, but that's not a huge problem. You're only a short train ride away from New York City, and there is plenty to do there.

 

[subobj]

My own story . . . I lived in a small town and came out in my mid twenties. I went to a local gay college group, and was promptly ostracized by the cuter, younger, and more socially vibrant crowd. It was one of the most devastating periods of my life.

Yet, I stuck it out, and eventually met a couple of fellow not-so-cool folks who turned out to be some of the best friends I've ever made (and, yes, a couple of those friends were boyfriends). I don't know what gave me the strength to stick it out -- the crowd was really petty and vicious -- but I'm so glad I did.

So I guess the moral of the story is just keep doing whatever you can to find kindred spirits. It might be a painful journey at times, but it's worth it in the long run.

 

[hijodelaestrella]

When I saw the title of this topic, I thought "Wow, that's me!" 29 year-old virgin. Never even kissed a guy (or a girl) for that matter. It's bad. Mind you, being in the closet doesn't leave me with many options. I can totally relate to the weight loss thing. I've lost almost 80 pounds in 6 months (6', 185 pounds). I won't be posting nudes of myself either (I've still got a lot of work to do in terms of toning my body. The saggy excess skin is a real turn-off). I'm finding, though, that my attitude is really changing. My confidence is on the up and up, and I actually feel like I'm getting closer to saying those 2 words I've been dreading to vocalize (to another person): I'm gay. I may be 'in the closet' but my sexuality is probably more like an open-secret. My parents must know (as they are smart and far from naive), and the same goes for my co-workers and close friends. It's just being able to sit down with someone and say the words... I'm just not there yet and it's driving me insane!!

 

[discovery2010]

When I saw the title of this topic, I thought "Wow, that's me!" 29 year-old virgin. Never even kissed a guy (or a girl) for that matter. It's bad. Mind you, being in the closet doesn't leave me with many options. I can totally relate to the weight loss thing. I've lost almost 80 pounds in 6 months (6', 185 pounds). I won't be posting nudes of myself either (I've still got a lot of work to do in terms of toning my body. The saggy excess skin is a real turn-off). I'm finding, though, that my attitude is really changing. My confidence is on the up and up, and I actually feel like I'm getting closer to saying those 2 words I've been dreading to vocalize (to another person): I'm gay. I may be 'in the closet' but my sexuality is probably more like an open-secret. My parents must know (as they are smart and far from naive), and the same goes for my co-workers and close friends. It's just being able to sit down with someone and say the words... I'm just not there yet and it's driving me insane!!

it really is the hardest part! when i came out like 5 months ago, literally everyone was like "yeah duh" but it was still hard to say those two words. i had to repeat them over and over to myself outloud for a while. what i did: come out to your closest friend, and make them force you to say it. literally. trust me, its much easier to live after saying it. just do it. period

 

[Corny]

see .. despite all your "excuses" in the first post. Somehow it happened

Congratulations I guess, and hope it was all like you thought it would be

 

[G-Lexington]

...see?

Lex

 

[backpacker]

First, congratulations on losing the weight. I bet that was the most difficult thing you have ever done. If you can tackle that, you can certainly tackle the dating scene. The good news (sort of) is that there are lots of gay guys your age who are inexperienced. It won't make a bit of difference to most guys.

As far as finding guys, it really depends on what you are looking for. There are hook up sites and dating sites. The are all types of gay bars, including dance clubs, leather bars, sports bars, country bars, drag bars, ethics bars and just plain old casual bars. There all types of gay groups for just about any thing you are into, including outdoor groups, car groups, gaming groups, music, singing, sports, etc. I personally find that joining some groups is a great way to meet people in a relaxed environment. I'm sure you can find whatever you are looking for. Good luck!

 

[altlover85]

Congrats loki81!