And single. As of Feb. 10, 2012.
Never get into an open relationship. That's what happened with us. He fell for another guy. We decided it wasn't working and split. I miss being with him, though we're still amicable and hang out on occasion.
After the breakup, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm struggling with both. I do have meds and am seeing a psychologist. Still, it's been a rough six months. In the wake of the breakup, he got our friends. I've got two friends and several "acquaintances." No one close, beyond him. I'm thankful that we are still amicable; after the breakup I had a few run-ins with suicide. I never went the whole way, but it finally got to the point where I sought medical aid and that led to my being diagnosed.
I couldn't afford the house we bought together, so I had to sell. Which was okay - The memories were too much. And the house was too big for me and my cat. Just moved into an apartment(renting) near downtown Kingston not even four weeks ago. I'm financially free, now. He's been in his own place since May, also near downtown. Closer than me, though. He's about a two minute walk from the heart of downtown Kingston. And I'm about 25 minutes.
I've been struggling for about six months. Struggling to stay on top of the depression, worry, anxiety and sadness. Some days have been bad, some days have been okay. I haven't been truly happy since before Christmas.
The horniness and aloneness has been difficult. Kingston is small. It's not like I can jump on a site and hookup. Besides, that's not me. I want to make out. And cuddle. I need trust, especially now. But, guys don't want that. They want sex and that's it. And Kingston is so small that everyone knows everyone else. Our breakup was all over the news, so to speak, in the queer community. Still is. The guy he fell for doesn't want a relationship - at least not with him. They do have casual sex, though. I don't think it's a very good relationship. My ex has feelings for him, but they aren't reciprocated. And that might be for the best: My ex is seen as the Bad Guy in all this by the community. And I'm the victim. If they got together, they couldn't go anywhere without being ostracized. I want him to be happy. he knows this. And he feels the same for me! But I DO NOT approve of the other man.
I feel like he used us. If the tables had been turned and I was the one getting involved with another couple - and I saw that one of them had feelings for me - I'd back the fuck off. I could potentially lose two friends. But the Other Guy didn't do that. he kept hooking up with my ex. And though that wasn't the only thing that broke us up, it was one of the big things. And now I do not speak to Other Guy. In fact, in my therapy sessions and with my ex, I refer to him as You Know Who.
Redgardless, here I am. single. Alone. And lonely. And horny as fuck. It's been six months. That's the longest I've gone without sex since before I came out. It's very hard.
Then again, every thing is nowadays. Though I am passed the days when I would have a hard time justifying even getting up for work.
I'm going out tonight. To a new friend's birthday. There is a queer event tonight, though. And my ex and his "friend" are going. My psychologist suggested I go - I don't think I'm ready for that...
And I'm on tumblr, too. I have a geek blog: markofantares.tumblr.com and my personal blog: antaresheart.tumblr.com
Sadly, before this all happened, I got everyone I knew on Tumblr. Even the Other Guy and my ex. So I can't really escape there, either.
Never get into an open relationship. That's what happened with us. He fell for another guy. We decided it wasn't working and split. I miss being with him, though we're still amicable and hang out on occasion.
After the breakup, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I'm struggling with both. I do have meds and am seeing a psychologist. Still, it's been a rough six months. In the wake of the breakup, he got our friends. I've got two friends and several "acquaintances." No one close, beyond him. I'm thankful that we are still amicable; after the breakup I had a few run-ins with suicide. I never went the whole way, but it finally got to the point where I sought medical aid and that led to my being diagnosed.
I couldn't afford the house we bought together, so I had to sell. Which was okay - The memories were too much. And the house was too big for me and my cat. Just moved into an apartment(renting) near downtown Kingston not even four weeks ago. I'm financially free, now. He's been in his own place since May, also near downtown. Closer than me, though. He's about a two minute walk from the heart of downtown Kingston. And I'm about 25 minutes.
I've been struggling for about six months. Struggling to stay on top of the depression, worry, anxiety and sadness. Some days have been bad, some days have been okay. I haven't been truly happy since before Christmas.
The horniness and aloneness has been difficult. Kingston is small. It's not like I can jump on a site and hookup. Besides, that's not me. I want to make out. And cuddle. I need trust, especially now. But, guys don't want that. They want sex and that's it. And Kingston is so small that everyone knows everyone else. Our breakup was all over the news, so to speak, in the queer community. Still is. The guy he fell for doesn't want a relationship - at least not with him. They do have casual sex, though. I don't think it's a very good relationship. My ex has feelings for him, but they aren't reciprocated. And that might be for the best: My ex is seen as the Bad Guy in all this by the community. And I'm the victim. If they got together, they couldn't go anywhere without being ostracized. I want him to be happy. he knows this. And he feels the same for me! But I DO NOT approve of the other man.
I feel like he used us. If the tables had been turned and I was the one getting involved with another couple - and I saw that one of them had feelings for me - I'd back the fuck off. I could potentially lose two friends. But the Other Guy didn't do that. he kept hooking up with my ex. And though that wasn't the only thing that broke us up, it was one of the big things. And now I do not speak to Other Guy. In fact, in my therapy sessions and with my ex, I refer to him as You Know Who.
Redgardless, here I am. single. Alone. And lonely. And horny as fuck. It's been six months. That's the longest I've gone without sex since before I came out. It's very hard.
Then again, every thing is nowadays. Though I am passed the days when I would have a hard time justifying even getting up for work.
I'm going out tonight. To a new friend's birthday. There is a queer event tonight, though. And my ex and his "friend" are going. My psychologist suggested I go - I don't think I'm ready for that...
And I'm on tumblr, too. I have a geek blog: markofantares.tumblr.com and my personal blog: antaresheart.tumblr.com
Sadly, before this all happened, I got everyone I knew on Tumblr. Even the Other Guy and my ex. So I can't really escape there, either.
