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I'm confused/awkward about this friendship; feelings for him got in the way of things

H

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Many if not most gay men have been in similar positions - liking a straight friend. Some guys try to go to far, as you did. So let me give it to you straight.

You were wrong, not by liking him but by going after him after he told you no. And that no was because he doesn't like guys. Not just you, any guys. So you should have stopped right there. Any anger or disappoint you felt was your burden, not his.

So out of friendship he is still friendly and you are trying to fuck even that up. If he is being friendly to you why do you need to ask where you stand? To a straight guy that is a weird question and sounds like you didn't get the message. So I am being his messenger boy - leave him alone. He's not interested in you. If you can't be a friend then that is your loss.
 
Your feelings for him aside, you never mentioned whether or not you envision just being friends with him in the long run. In other words, do you think that you were friends with him cuz of your feelings and nothing else?

His actions speak louder than words. Cuz it sounds like he might be open to maintaining some sort of contact and allowing time to "tell", which after everything that has happened, says a lot more than just breaking off contact completely.

If his friendship is important to you, then give it some time and space. You definitely placed some undo pressure on it with expressing your feelings - keep that "in-check" moving forward and try not to be clingy. In the meantime, make new/other friends, and if your friendship was strong enough, it might come back full-circle.

...or it might not. Keep in mind that not all friendships are meant to last.

I gotta give him credit for acting respectful and civil towards you and not saying anything to mutual friends. That shows a lot of integrity. Though he could just be keeping it together for everyone's sake.

Let it be for now, and let it take it's normal intuitive course by giving it some space and time.
 
The closet does this to people. We tell one trusted friend and he's cool with it. We had been afraid the world as we'd known it would'vd ended. It didn't. Maybe the friend is also gay and that's why he's been so understanding. Maybe he feels for me the way I feel for him. Wouldn't that be great? My problem is solved. Life is good.

I remember a fantasy when I was struggling. I imagined telling my ex-wife and, in turn, she'd tell me she was lesbian.

We want to be safe. Coming out is a scary process. You think you're in love with him. This is the most dangerous type of love. This is the type of love that causes stalking or worse. Real romantic love requires a conscious partner.

Remember that this is advice so proceed accordingly. This is what I'd do:
1. Make amends to this friend.
2. Begin coming out to other friends.
3. Examine alcohol usage.

If you are chronically using alcohol to treat pain, in this case, emotional pain, you could be on your way to dependency.

You have us for support and you may rely on us as you move forward. Many of us gave been where you are and feel for you. The way through this is courage and maturity. I wish you well. PM me anytime
 
After I came out I began gravitating towards gay men and with no effort weaned myself off straights. I consider straight males the same as women and am not attracted to them.
 
it sounds like he would still like to be friends.
Accept it for what its worth, or move on.
And for gods sakes, stop drinking.
 
In high school, I had the hugest crush on my then-best friend; I only played football just to get to shower with him more after practice / games (lol, after gym class is never enough to gaze upon his naked awesomeness). I never told him until I went away for college that I harbored such feelings for him.

He said that had I told him back then, he would have been open to experimentation, but when I told him, he was a senior and involved with a girlfriend (they're married now with child). I applaud you your openness with him and "tsk, tsk" you your drunken texts, but I understand.

You're young and will have ample opportunities just around the corner.
 
I think the openness is great, but the not getting the message that this guy is straight and sending drunk texts is where things went south.
 
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