"I'm emotionally attracted to women"

[Treborf]

I've seen a lot of guys on this board say that they're physically attracted to men but emotionally attracted to women, and I'm not sure what that means.

So someone break this down for me. What is emotional attraction and why do some only have an attraction to one gender or the other?

 

[yuty]

Most of these men define themselves as bisexual. Men who are sexually attracted to men but emotionally attracted to women. They use men solely for sex and they use women for relationships.

This line of thinking has created antagonism between bisexuals and gay men.

I think the reason some gay(in-closet) and bisexual men cannot have emotional attachments to men is because they simply don't know how. Society has taught them everything they need to know to establish and maintain a relationship with a woman but not a man.

Thus they divide the sex and the emotion to two separate genders because they lack the capability to do both with one gender.

 

[justsimon]

Being emotionally attracted to women doesn't mean that you're not also similarly attracted to men. I develop strong emotional/romantic bonds with women, but the sexual attraction just isn't strong enough to be sustainable.

 

[TaigaStar]

Not every bisexual has a 50-50 attraction to both genders. It isn't necessarily that they're hiding from anything or only want one gender for sex while seeking a "normal" and "socially acceptable" lifestyle with another. To assume such only causes the aforementioned antagonism between orientations to increase.

To understand the idea of emotional attraction vs. physical attraction better, look at your own previous experiences. What made you and your partners sustain your relationships? How do they differ from any one-night stands or just random people you've found attractive but never gave it much thought? Let's say you have a female friend whom you think is attractive and you get along well with her; what differentiation do you draw between friend or girlfriend? It's the same idea, just applied in a different manner.

Maybe the exact phrasing of "emotional attraction" is incorrect, but

 

[Treborf]

To understand the idea of emotional attraction vs. physical attraction better, look at your own previous experiences. What made you and your partners sustain your relationships? How do they differ from any one-night stands or just random people you've found attractive but never gave it much thought?

The difference for me between my random fuck buddies and guys that I've had/wanted real relationships with is that all the guys i've had/wanted relationships with had really good personalities and I enjoyed spending a lot of time with them. It's hard to believe that some people can't find a person with a really good personality and that they enjoy spending time with from a whole gender, which is why I suspect they have a different meaning of "emotional attraction" than me, hence the thread.

 

[TaigaStar]

The difference for me between my random fuck buddies and guys that I've had/wanted real relationships with is that all the guys i've had/wanted relationships with had really good personalities and I enjoyed spending a lot of time with them. It's hard to believe that some people can't find a person with a really good personality and that they enjoy spending time with from a whole gender, which is why I suspect they have a different meaning of "emotional attraction" than me, hence the thread.

The basic notion of bisexuality is an attraction to both genders. If I'm reading your post properly and understanding it, it seems you think they should just pick one gender and stick with it forever. Is that the idea you're trying to convey, or am I taking this into a different direction?

 

[Treborf]

The basic notion of bisexuality is an attraction to both genders. If I'm reading your post properly and understanding it, it seems you think they should just pick one gender and stick with it forever. Is that the idea you're trying to convey, or am I taking this into a different direction?

Nah, I'm wondering what makes someone emotionally attracted to one gender and not the other.

 

[TaigaStar]

Nah, I'm wondering what makes someone emotionally attracted to one gender and not the other.

It's kind of hard to explain. If you haven't followed my blog at all, here's the short version: I like gay porn. To be honest, I fit the technical definition of bisexual. I can look at a guy and go "Wow, he's cute/hot/gorgeous/etc.," and I enjoy gay porn. I can probably also have a good connection going on with said guy as a friend. But when I'm around my girlfriend, there's this sense of total completion--i know it's she that I am meant to be with. To be blunt, the reason why I consider myself straight is because I can't stand most guys--they're too much of an anomaly to me, and the more I'm around them, the more obnoxious I find them to be.

I hope my situation, at least, gives you some idea of what others probably feel. Please keep in mind that I'm disregarding the existence of people who go around behind their partner's backs to be with a totally different gender, and such. Infidelity, regardless of orientation, is unacceptable.

 

[luminum]

Yeah, I never really quite understood that line of reasoning. I would imagine that men who are "physically attracted to men" but not "emotionally attracted to men" must therefore have a hard time making any close male friends, too.

To me, the line between romantic love and friendship borders on individual personality types and the possibility of sexual attraction. So maybe you and your gal pal/guy pal just would never work in a relationship together. Or, since you'd never have sex with a girl/guy, then your gal/guy pal could never be someone you'd be both physically and emotionally attracted to.

But if you can have a sexual relationship and if the person is close enough to be a friend whose personality doesn't make you both romantically incompatiable, then I don't see the problem and not being able to emotionally reciprocate attraction seems silly to me. Kind of a cop out, really...

 

[Michael Luc]

I've seen a lot of guys on this board say that they're physically attracted to men but emotionally attracted to women....

Really? I don't ever remember seeing that. A long time ago I used to be physically attracted to women, but I was not emotionally attracted to them. And for me that means being capable of falling in love.