I'm gay, and now my younger brother just came out to me...advice

[Blue_saber]

Oh God...

You just touched a fiber. I also have a brother who is seven (almost eight) years younger than me. You don't know how much I wish he's straight. I'm 21, and he's 13, so he's well in his way to puberty.

Yes you can call me selfish, and no, it has nothing to do with not accepting myself... it's just that I wish a "normal" life for him. No matter how you put it, our society isn't fully ready to accept us.

Plus all the inner struggles we pass by can be hard... depressing, even.

I hope him liking "straight stuff" (cars, wrestling...) is a good sign, heh. I never liked anything like that. That probably has nothing to do with being gay, but I wish...

Plus, if that's the case, my parents will never have grandchildren! I just wish him the best.

 

[colemanshs]

As has been mentioned above, I would just say be supportive of his homosexuality. Defend him if someone else has something to say about it and just be a brother to him. You've already walked down the road that he's on. Help him get to the end of it as easily as possible.

I wish I had an older brother to help me through it.

 

[Alberto_15]

Advice?

Be a big brother, be very supportive. He's still a teenager and in a way he's lucky to have a big brother that has already walked that road.

 

[operafan]

Sounds to me like your younger brother has an older brother who is a pretty fine example to live up to. Congrats. It would have been great to have had someone I even knew who was gay let alone a family member to talk to.

 

[boy-i-wanna-make-u-sweat]

I think, as has been said a number of times here, that your concern is due to the fact that you know what he's been through/going to have to go through.

While I haven't been through the same situation, I think the most important thing is to be supportive. I've never had an older anything (brother, sister, straight, or gay) to be there for me. How come in movies all the gay guys have a supporting older sister? Where's mine?

Oh yeah, and give him that hug.

 

[Reprobate]

My brother and I are both gay, he is 6 years younger than me but he came to terms with it years ago so our roles have been some what reversed. I have been the one seeking advice and information from him. I suspect that one of my older kids is gay and I have no idea how I will respond when he does come out but from what I have learned I can understand why you would be concerned for your brother, being gay is not easy.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

I think this is good to some aspect because now that you came out your younger brother didn't at all feel any pressure to coming out. Just think that if your brother needed advice he'd go to you and he wouldn't be afraid to ask. Having gay siblings is pretty much a good thing in my books, because I wish I had at least a gay brother to talk about things and get advice from. I'm sure a lot of others feel that way too.

 

[TorontoBoi]

I think you need to be the strong one here....things will probably get better for you and your brother, but you need to help out your parents who I assume will go through a difficult time with this. Parents always have dreams for their children, and that includes marrying them off and seeing grandchildren.

 

[Revan46]

My advice may be similar to the others. But I think one of the most important things to do is to be there for him. Your parents though they are still getting over your coming out won't be able to help him in dealing with the gay community. You know what it's like, with as you said, the drugs and stuff. You need to be the parent in this case. Sit him down as your parents would and teach him what is right and wrong in the gay world. Tell him the dangers of unprotected sex, drugs, etc. Just be a role model for him and also when he decides to come out to your parents, be there for him. He's going to need you.

 

[pickles1008]

hahahah i just posted after yours about my brother comeing out to me.. were 5 years apart and he is older. i'm bi and havnt come out cuz i was afraid that your reaction would be the same with him....and i dont want my partents to freak 2out of 2 of there sons are gay/bi or what ever lol adn tey dont knw that my brother is gay yet eitehr...i just found out my self.

 

[MindBlast]

I hope him liking "straight stuff" (cars, wrestling...) is a good sign, heh. I never liked anything like that. That probably has nothing to do with being gay, but I wish...

Plus, if that's the case, my parents will never have grandchildren! I just wish him the best.

I hate to break it to you, but cars (and working on them) is one of my big hobbies and interests, and I'm also heavy into playing sports. Those things are not a hint of indication on sexual orientation.

 

[Soilwork]

My brother: Jasun, I need to tell you something.

Jasun: Anythhing, buddy.. what's wrong.. are you in trouble?

My brother: No... kinda... not really... I'm gay too.

Jasun: thank fucking God. I thought with all that sports gear and Military uniforms in your bedroom you were gonna end up one of those fuck-head red-neck Militia people.

My brother: No, I just think the uniforms are hot.

Jasun(proudly): that's my brother




He and I are closer than you'll ever know, and now that he's out of jail we talk every day, spend as much time together as we can and we're going to be shooting some video for a gay biker site (non porn) that we want to do.

Who cares if he's not "normal?" Who wants to be normal anyway. This was you can be there with him through the whole thing and you can be his role model and his mentor and his best friend.

You know how many emails I get from people telling me how jealous they are of me here for being as close with my bro as I am? You've got a great opportunity that most gay guys can only dream of.

But be there for him. Be his buddy. You are a really lucky guy.. you both are.

 

[Soilwork]

And yes, that's us in my avatar.

 

[Soilwork]

yeah... mind blowing it is.

But I've been there when he needed me and needed to trust me.

When he was having problems with a boyfriend, he knew that any advice I had woulnd't be for my own agenda of getting him away from ANY man, but getting him away from a man I didn't think was good for him.

when he had fears of STD infection, he knew he could come to me for un-biased advice.

when he got in trouble, I was the first person he called.

And it goes both ways.

When I was in my accident last year and he was still in Jail, he wrote me a long letter begging me to be more careful and to wear better gear. He said he was most scared of getting out of jail and being taken to my grave because I wasn't being safe.

He's told me when he thought I was taking to many chances in other places in my life and he's also encouraged me to go further.

the bond we have is something that few people will ever understand or experience.

you guys are a lot luckier than you realilze. Now go call him, tell him how much you love him and that you wanna hang out this weekend, dammit.

 

[Jory]

I just sort of hoped that my brother would be different- that he would be the "normal" one.

Which defination of normal were you hoping for. Personally I like the 2nd the best.... and you?
1.conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.serving to establish a standard.
3.Psychology. a.approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. b.free from any mental disorder; sane.
4.Biology, Medicine/Medical. a.free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. b.of natural occurrence.
5.Mathematics. a.being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. b.of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal. c.(of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1. d.(of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets. e.(of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.
6.Chemistry. a.(of a solution) containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution. b.pertaining to an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight unbranched carbon chain, each carbon atom of which is joined to no more than two other carbon atoms. c.of or pertaining to a neutral salt in which any replaceable hydroxyl groups or hydrogen atoms have been replaced by other groups or atoms, as sodium sulfate, Na2SO4.
–noun
7.the average or mean: Production may fall below normal.
8.the standard or type.
9.Mathematics. a.a perpendicular line or plane, esp. one perpendicular to a tangent line of a curve, or a tangent plane of a surface, at the point of contact. b.the portion of this perpendicular line included between its point of contact with the curve and the x-axis.

 

[MindBlast]

Which defination of normal were you hoping for. Personally I like the 2nd the best.... and you?
1.conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.
2.serving to establish a standard.
3.Psychology. a.approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality, or emotional adjustment. b.free from any mental disorder; sane.
4.Biology, Medicine/Medical. a.free from any infection or other form of disease or malformation, or from experimental therapy or manipulation. b.of natural occurrence.
5.Mathematics. a.being at right angles, as a line; perpendicular. b.of the nature of or pertaining to a mathematical normal. c.(of an orthogonal system of real functions) defined so that the integral of the square of the absolute value of any function is 1. d.(of a topological space) having the property that corresponding to every pair of disjoint closed sets are two disjoint open sets, each containing one of the closed sets. e.(of a subgroup) having the property that the same set of elements results when all the elements of the subgroup are operated on consistently on the left and consistently on the right by any element of the group; invariant.
6.Chemistry. a.(of a solution) containing one equivalent weight of the constituent in question in one liter of solution. b.pertaining to an aliphatic hydrocarbon having a straight unbranched carbon chain, each carbon atom of which is joined to no more than two other carbon atoms. c.of or pertaining to a neutral salt in which any replaceable hydroxyl groups or hydrogen atoms have been replaced by other groups or atoms, as sodium sulfate, Na2SO4.
–noun
7.the average or mean: Production may fall below normal.
8.the standard or type.
9.Mathematics. a.a perpendicular line or plane, esp. one perpendicular to a tangent line of a curve, or a tangent plane of a surface, at the point of contact. b.the portion of this perpendicular line included between its point of contact with the curve and the x-axis.

My favourite definition is orthogonal. For halloween me and 2 of my friends dressed up as unit vectors, and said to everyone, "We're the only ones that are normal. Everyone else is a linear combination of us."

 

[MindBlast]

Oh and support your brother. It might be a hard thing to do but it's so worth the relationship in the end.