I'm gay but I want to spend the rest of my life with a woman.

[hotatlboi]

You must be crazy to want old men. They are bald, flabby and hairy. Just a turn off. Young guys are like flower in full bloom, just beautiful

This post is rather shallow and uninformed.

First of all, everyone has their likes and dislikes. Just because you like younger men does not mean everyone else does also. Plenty of straight people say things like "you are crazy to want men, women are just beautiful", etc.

Second, just because a guy is older doesn't mean he is hairy or fat. Plenty of older guys take care of their bodies.

 

[Jack1337]

This post is rather shallow and uninformed.

First of all, everyone has their likes and dislikes. Just because you like younger men does not mean everyone else does also. Plenty of straight people say things like "you are crazy to want men, women are just beautiful", etc.

Second, just because a guy is older doesn't mean he is hairy or fat. Plenty of older guys take care of their bodies.

As a guy who likes women and men to me the hairness in men is attractive where as in women I find their smoothness attractive.

a smooth non hairy guy is kind of gross to me, and a hairy non smooth woman is also gross to me.

Does this make sense?

 

[vidarr]

You can certainly have a loving relationship with a woman, so long as you tell her what you are telling us. If she cares for you she will be understanding and help you come to terms with your sexuality.

Nobody here can explain your feelings except you.

 

[Jack1337]

You can certainly have a loving relationship with a woman, so long as you tell her what you are telling us. If she cares for you she will be understanding and help you come to terms with your sexuality.

Nobody here can explain your feelings except you.

Thanks man, and of course I'd tell my girl if we get serious about all this.
I don't plan on marrying the first girl I meet lol, but I'd tell my woman this is important stuff you don't keep to yourself.

Hell I've told my mom about it, but she isn't of much help she doesn't seem to get it, her reasoning is "since you haven't been with a girl or a guy yet you're undecided, but when you do it with a girl you'll see you'll go straight" meaning she doesn't understand jack about these things beyond the fact that it's not a choice.

Anyway, thanks, I want to know if I can or can not have sex with a woman, physically.
Like if I'm in full on "gay mode" would I be able to get turned on by a girl? I know I'll have no problem when I'm not full gay mode lol but yeah.

If I could find a woman who isn't much into sex, has a low sex drive and all I'd be very happy.

 

[altlover85]

You should have actual sex. Right now everything is just theoretical.

Before I had sex with men, I thought I might have been bi. I used to watch softcore porn, but I wasn't able to get off unless I thought of men. There are things that I find attractive about women, but vagina is not one of them. I don't have a ton of desire to have sex with women, so it's not something I would ever do.

I do like older men (35+) and once I was 18, I ended up being with one and we went out for 3 years. We broke up and I had sex with some other men and then found my current bf and we've been together for 3 years. I've only had sex with two younger guys and it wasn't all that good.

My overall point is have sex with a woman and have sex with a mature man. You'll have a better idea of what you actually like. Try to make sure you have sex with someone who is understanding because I think having a caring sex partner will be important for you so that you can relax and be comfortable.

My final point is that my current bf was married and had two kids. He didn't end up having an emotional attachment to men until he was in his 50's, so you never really know how things will develop.

Give yourself some time, but also be proactive and get out there and have some sexual experiences.

Good luck!

 

[Tee-Jay]

It sounds to me that you're fighting a losing battle here. It is a battle that many of us wage when first coming to terms with our sexuality. To some extent, I can emphatize completely with your situation, as at time I myself have wanted a "traditional life." But I knew for my own peace of mind that I could never pretend or live a life that was a farce. This would only prove an injustice and disservice to the woman that I was with. You speak of your desire to make a woman happy, but what about your own happiness? True happiness cannot be derived or found solely in another person. We each have to deal with our own issues, find contentment within ourselves, then and only then can we find a partner to augment the emotion that is already there. You also say that you have only ever been in love with women. But don't you know many a gay man have been in your same predicament? Each day you hear stories about men who have been in long term, committed relationships with women ultimately come out as gay. I'm not saying that your strictly gay, but I am saying that seemingly only being in love with women does not negate or take away from the fact that you have sexual urges towards men albeit mature men, but men nonetheless. You can never be totally sure where this life is going to take you, so you have to at least be open to the various possibilities it offers. You also speak about wanting to know if you can get physical with a girl. Not speaking from personal experience, but I am sure many a gay man can rise to the occasion in a matter of speaking. You also state that sex is of little value to you. But one way by which couples grow and become more intertwined is through intimacy, which often time involves sex. Women aren't stupid and it will be clearly evident to any woman that you engage in sexual activity with, that you're not really feeling it. Which may ultimately lead her to feel like she is not doing enough to cater to and please you. Body language can say a ton and people pick up on these things. I would prefer that someone not do anything at all, rather than give it a half-ass attempt. You also speak about your ability to switch and go in between modes. I don't think there is a drink, pill, button or what have you that can make you say oh I think I'll be straight or gay today. It just doesn't work like that sorry. Like isn't that easy. If it were that easy do you think we would have as many suicides as we are experiencing today? Think about this question. Your comment about just ending it all really irks me because this isn't a statement you should just throw around. When you post things on the world wide web, we must be mindful that others may come across our postings. Is this the message you want to present to a suicidal gay teen desperately searching for answers? I think not. Which leads me to my last point, why are you afraid to let yourself love a man? Is the idea of really being with a man so repulsive, that you would resort to self hate? You say that religion or society have nothing to do with your views, but are you being completely honest and truthful with yourself? I think there are some deeper issues just below the surface that you need to address and deal with, otherwise you would be no good to anyone else. You cannot find fulfilment with a heavy boulder on your shoulder, so I am advising you to seek counsel, deal with any unresolved issues you have and find happiness, because you too desrve to be loved even if it's by a man. Good luck.

 

[Jack1337]

I wish you gay people would stop trying to convert me
this is disgusting

I came here expecting support
I ended up with a bunch of flaming homosexuals trying desperately to convert me because they themselves were too damn weak to fight this crap.

I obviously have homosexual desires duh, but I have heterosexuals ones too.

It's beyond me why you are trying so hard to make me ignore my heterosexual desires and focus on the homosexual ones? Oh I get it, it's because you were too damn weak to gight it yourselves.

I dont want to go straight
I just wanted to know if physically I can have sex with women because I SHIFT FROM FULL GAY TO BI and when I'm in bi mode I get aroused by women like any other guy would, I even have fetishes and stuff that trun me on big time.

 

[evanrick]

you are delusional.

 

[Lube]

Why do you want me to chose a man over a woman when I have been in love with a woman before...?

Because you said it best:

I've been in love with a girl before, she was gorgeous and I let her go because I knew I couldn't be in a relationship with her and give her the sexual satisfaction she is going to need, or at least I thought I couldn't.

You obviously have very big issues with being gay.

You are in denial.

In a very big, very public way, unfortunately.

For decades I told myself I couldn't see myself trusting a man enough to be in an emotional relationship with him. I just wanted to be emotional with women.

Well guess what? That was total bullshit. I was in denial, just as you are now. So I got married and had 13 years of sex exclusively with my wife. I knew I wanted sex with men, but I denied it, came up with all sorts of reasons (totally ridiculous ones, in hindsight) why I was "straight".

But I wasn't. I was gay. Gay gay gay! Oh, how I hated that word! I hated it even more applied to me!

Luckily, I eventually got over myself. It takes time. I hope you get over your stupid lies of denial, too. You'll be a much happier person.

Gay men can be wonderful sexually and wonderful emotionally. You just gotta find the right man. Two men can love each other, and it can be very beautiful.

 

[rareboy]

It's downright offensive to me that you're telling me to ignore my sexual arousal from women, you're telling me to up and forget the times I've needed women/been aroused by them/dreamed about them whatever and accept th gay lifestyle, because, hey, it's cool and I'm gay.

So instead of me exploring and understanding why I get aroused by women and how to make it happen mroe often you're telling me to ignore that and focus on the gay? WHY?
Who the HELL are you to decide that for me.

Being gay and straight clearly isn't a choice, but I feel I'm in the postition where I can choose which lifestyle to have because I know I can get sexually attracted to women when my piss poor worthless penis decides its time.

Enough.

You have no right to be offended by any of the free advice that posters give you. You can reject what is not right for you, but you don't need to go to war with anyone here.

So you've been aroused by women. You want to spend your life with one. Gay porn makes you sick. You're looking for a Daddy.

There's a whole lot going on here and my advice is that you need some serious counselling to help you come to terms with being bi-sexual, with understanding your desires and to help you get rid of a whole lot of anger, depression and other baggage it is apparent you are lugging around with you.

Your penis doesn't think in case you aren't aware of that. All your sexual desire is en electro-chemical response in your brain based on your genetic wiring.

I don't think this is about your penis at all. It is how you see yourself in the world.

 

[Jack1337]

Because you said it best:

You obviously have very big issues with being gay.

You are in denial.

In a very big, very public way, unfortunately.

For decades I told myself I couldn't see myself trusting a man enough to be in an emotional relationship with him. I just wanted to be emotional with women.

Well guess what? That was total bullshit. I was in denial, just as you are now. So I got married and had 13 years of sex exclusively with my wife. I knew I wanted sex with men, but I denied it, came up with all sorts of reasons (totally ridiculous ones, in hindsight) why I was "straight".

But I wasn't. I was gay. Gay gay gay! Oh, how I hated that word! I hated it even more applied to me!

Luckily, I eventually got over myself. It takes time. I hope you get over your stupid lies of denial, too. You'll be a much happier person.

Gay men can be wonderful sexually and wonderful emotionally. You just gotta find the right man. Two men can love each other, and it can be very beautiful.

You're missing the point, mister.
If I was in denial I wouldn't have said in the topic title that I was gay.

Never once have I felt guilty for being gay or for finding men attractive or felt it was wrong in any way.
But you don't know me well, none of you here do and you just assume that I'm like everybody else in every way, well I'm a very unique person in many aspects not just this and people who know me IRL always point that out so I've come to believe it too.

I'm telling you this, if I marry a woman it'll be forever.
Not because I'd be trying to hide my gay side from her, she'd know otherwise I wouldn't marry her because, hey, if I'm marrying someone I want them knowing everything about me, but because I'm that kind of a person when I love I honestly, love for good.

Why would I cheat on my wife with a man? In all these years jacking off to pics of men has been more than enough for me, I've never felt sexual frustration in my life, I don't know the feeling or understand it.

I'm not in denial because unlike you who couldn't even begin to accept your gay side I've accepted it long ago, there wasn't much accepting to begin with because as soon as I figured out what it was I said "oh well I'm gay, thank god I at least still like women" I've felt like this since I was 7 years old but I only learned what gay was when I was like 13 or so.
Knowing full well I didn't cause this in any way or did anyone around me I accepted it and I'd jack off to whatever I felt like at the time, if I wanted a girl I'd do to pictures of women, if I felt I was into guys I'd do it to guys, or if I felt I wanted both I'd do it to both.

I'm still the same to this day.
This is the first time ever that I've gone a full month without desiring a woman which is what freaked me out tbh, usually it changes more often.

I know you're dead set on believing I'm in denial but try and understand that I'm a 27 year old guy who has a bit of an education in psychology and I've analyzed myself good enough to know I honestly do like women as well.

 

[Jack1337]

Enough.

You have no right to be offended by any of the free advice that posters give you. You can reject what is not right for you, but you don't need to go to war with anyone here.

So you've been aroused by women. You want to spend your life with one. Gay porn makes you sick. You're looking for a Daddy.

There's a whole lot going on here and my advice is that you need some serious counselling to help you come to terms with being bi-sexual, with understanding your desires and to help you get rid of a whole lot of anger, depression and other baggage it is apparent you are lugging around with you.

Your penis doesn't think in case you aren't aware of that. All your sexual desire is en electro-chemical response in your brain based on your genetic wiring.

I don't think this is about your penis at all. It is how you see yourself in the world.

I don't have a problem with being bi
I got mad because people are saying I'm full on gay and ignoring the fact that I also get aroused by women

I get pissed when people make me ignore things that are there just so they can win an argument.

Also Iwouldn't call myself a depressed person, far from it.
It's just that everyone has a moment of weakness, as I said this month has been different from before I haven't shifted to my bi mode and that upset me, it's not something you force it comes on its own.

I did have a sexual dream about a woman last week or so I dont remember when for sure but that was about it, maybe all this fear and stress over it prevents me from functioning normally like I always do

 

[hotatlboi]

Wait I must have missed that you have never had sex with a guy or girl.

That being the case, you cannot really say what you are.

You should just take it slow and figure this out later once you have had some experiences to draw on. You're overanalyzing this at this point and have very little real data to go on. You're just confusing yourself more like this.

 

[Mstrshake]

I don't have a problem with being bi
I got mad because people are saying I'm full on gay and ignoring the fact that I also get aroused by women

I get pissed when people make me ignore things that are there just so they can win an argument.

Also Iwouldn't call myself a depressed person, far from it.
It's just that everyone has a moment of weakness, as I said this month has been different from before I haven't shifted to my bi mode and that upset me, it's not something you force it comes on its own.

I did have a sexual dream about a woman last week or so I dont remember when for sure but that was about it, maybe all this fear and stress over it prevents me from functioning normally like I always do

If you are sexually aroused by women (which you are making vehement attempts to prove to us) and you want to spend the rest of your life...with a woman, then what is the issue?

Sorry. I don't understand why you made this thread since you seem to have solved your own problem (miraculously).

oh well I'm gay, thank god I at least still like women

This attitude is very telling, however.

 

[Jack1337]

If you are sexually aroused by women (which you are making vehement attempts to prove to us) and you want to spend the rest of your life...with a woman, then what is the issue?

Sorry. I don't understand why you made this thread since you seem to have solved your own problem (miraculously).

This attitude is very telling, however.

Am I not being clear enough or are people on this forum just plain mean?
My problem is that I sometimes get aroused by women and sometimes I do but not enough.

Never once in my life have I found a woman to be a turn off, they're so damn beautiful to me that even if I'm not sexually aroused by them I can never see them as a turn off.

My problem is very clear.

I sometimes get aroused by women, crave women, want women sexually and sometimes I only want men.
Would a guy like me, who is sometimes fully gay and sometimes bi, meaning I desire women be able to have a healthy sexual relationship with a woman?

I guess I came to the wrong forum because people here seem to be too damn angry and set in their ways that they don't want to accept the fact that hey, maybe there's a gay guy out there who actually gets turned on by women.

If I wasn't getting turned on by them I wouldn't have been posting here, I would've known I was fully gay and lived my life that way.
But me being aroused by women at times, going from fully gay to bi/straight modes makes me believe I have a chance at actually having a girlfriend and eventually a wife because I'm sorry but I have yet to be mesmerized by a man's beauty where as it's happened to me quite a few times with women even if I wasn't always sexually aroused by said women.

 

[Echoes]

Oh please, would you stop that crap about shifting modes? there's no such thing. Cut the lie and start loving yourself a bit. You have been just giving really weak arguments about how you think everything works for you and you haven't even had sex with neither men nor women. My advice is do that and then try to make some conclusions.
You said you started this thread because you were looking for support, well I think I'm saying this for everybody on here, I CANNOT support somebody I think is wrong, never did and never will. Have you even imagined that if most people here are telling you something it may be because more than one of us has been there?

 

[Jack1337]

Oh please, would you stop that crap about shifting modes? there's no such thing. Cut the lie and start loving yourself a bit. You have been just giving really weak arguments about how you think everything works for you and you haven't even had sex with neither men nor women. My advice is do that and then try to make some conclusions.
You said you started this thread because you were looking for support, well I think I'm saying this for everybody on here, I CANNOT support somebody I think is wrong, never did and never will. Have you even imagined that if most people here are telling you something it may be because more than one of us has been there?

So you flat out refuse to believe I shift modes because you haven't seen it happen before?
In terms I'm supposed to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening?

Stop avoiding my questions.

Why are you people ignoring the fact that I get turned on by women? Why are you ignoring the fact that I have periods where I really want/need a woman?

Explain that to me, why are you ignoring these things?

 

[Echoes]

So you flat out refuse to believe I shift modes because you haven't seen it happen before?
In terms I'm supposed to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening?

Stop avoiding my questions.

Why are you people ignoring the fact that I get turned on by women? Why are you ignoring the fact that I have periods where I really want/need a woman?

Explain that to me, why are you ignoring these things?

Just to begin with, you can yell at the world you are gay or start a thread swearing you are but that's far different from being gay. I could start telling everybody I'm straight and I'm the gayest guy on earth.
Now I'll answer your last question.
Because you don't want to accept who you are, you don't even think of the possibility of being bisexual (still think you're gay though), you want to "pretend" you're straight no matter what clues your body is giving you, that's the definition for denial. I was there too, I also looked for the answers I wanted to hear and didn't accept the obvious and simplest ones. I even had relationships with women and tried to pretend that everything was in my mind, but when you're having sex and you have to think of somebody else (a man) to keep yourself hard is nothing but being an asshole. I couldn't do that to her and I couldn't do that to myself, I realized that you'll never satisfy anyone if you have to think of somebody else.
We are thought to be attracted to women because parents, society, the world, religions, etc. say so. Well I figured I didn't give a fuck about that and I'd rather look for my own happiness. It's great to have a family and live an average common life with children, wife, job, car, house. I couldn't stand the wife part so I dropped that idea long ago.
I'm sorry I can't answer your questions the way you want me to, that would be fake and being cheating on myself.

 

[rareboy]

So you flat out refuse to believe I shift modes because you haven't seen it happen before?
In terms I'm supposed to ignore it and pretend it isn't happening?

Stop avoiding my questions.

Why are you people ignoring the fact that I get turned on by women? Why are you ignoring the fact that I have periods where I really want/need a woman?

Explain that to me, why are you ignoring these things?

I am going to do my best to be polite.

No one is ignoring the fact you are bi-sexual. Why do you say you're gay but want women?

No one is ignoring the fact that you find women desirable.

Given that you've apparently not had sexual relations with either men or women, most of us are completely baffled by your talk of shifting gears and thinking with your penis and being gay but not gay.

I repeat. I think you would benefit by some real counselling to help you sort out the issues and problems you feel you are having with sexual desire and possibly identity.

Sexuality can be very fluid for some people and you either need to get comfortable in your own skin and know how to find the type of person who can be just as flexible as your partner or I fear that you are going to inflict great damage on others as well as yourself.

So.

Time for you to fish or cut bait.

Go out there. Get laid.

 

[Mstrshake]

Am I not being clear enough or are people on this forum just plain mean?
My problem is that I sometimes get aroused by women and sometimes I do but not enough.

Never once in my life have I found a woman to be a turn off, they're so damn beautiful to me that even if I'm not sexually aroused by them I can never see them as a turn off.

My problem is very clear.

I sometimes get aroused by women, crave women, want women sexually and sometimes I only want men.
Would a guy like me, who is sometimes fully gay and sometimes bi, meaning I desire women be able to have a healthy sexual relationship with a woman?

I guess I came to the wrong forum because people here seem to be too damn angry and set in their ways that they don't want to accept the fact that hey, maybe there's a gay guy out there who actually gets turned on by women.

If I wasn't getting turned on by them I wouldn't have been posting here, I would've known I was fully gay and lived my life that way.
But me being aroused by women at times, going from fully gay to bi/straight modes makes me believe I have a chance at actually having a girlfriend and eventually a wife because I'm sorry but I have yet to be mesmerized by a man's beauty where as it's happened to me quite a few times with women even if I wasn't always sexually aroused by said women.

It was not my intention to come off as rude. I am simply trying to understand your situation. It might be clear to you what you mean but to me (and likely to the rest of the people reading) what you are trying to say may not be as clear, so I ask you to be more patient with your replies instead of simply dismissing everyone as attempting to degrade you in some way. You may not know it, but you've only gotten positive and supportive responses thus far, so I would suggest not being so quick to assume that everybody here is just 'being mean'.

Honestly, I think your problem is that you don't fully understand the concept of being bisexual. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are sexually attracted to both genders, equally, all the time. You might prefer men sometimes and women other times. You might like men way more and only like women a little bit, or vice versa. Think of it as a spectrum between two extremes rather than only having two options with bisexual being strictly 50/50. You label yourself as gay but then say that women arouse you - sorry, but by definition, that is impossible, because gay people, by definition, do not find the opposite sex to be sexually attractive. You're conflicting yourself for no reason.

And all of this presumes that you actually do find women to be sexually desirable. I'm going to be frank with you - I am not a professional psychologist so this is a personal opinion - a lot of your posts seem to be comprised of some self-esteem issues mixed with a little bit of denial mixed with confusion between how to define yourself (or whether you even need to define yourself), mixed with conflict between what you want and what you truly desire sexually/romantically. I highly doubt anyone's word on this forum is going to help you based on what you have been posting and your general attitude towards outsider opinion, but best of luck.