I'm Gay

[brandon84]

Trust me dude... Just come out. You will be so much happier. You don't wanna be in the closet because it's dark in there. I have a cousin who is so far in the closet he's finding christmas presents and he is so unhappy. I don't know what he is so afraid of because his mom, my aunt, goes to gay bars with me all the time.

 

[brandon84]

Nice website by the way Brandon.

^Thanks

 

[Riverrick]

Hey Tykev and Justaguy. You guys are amazing. That first step is really hard. Congratulations on taking it together.

 

[joeG23]

Two things I know, life is tough, and life is what you make it. No matter what the hand we have been dealt looks like, we can each use our skills to play the best hand possible. It's tough sometimes making the judgement about which card is best to play. Jubbers provide great advice, but - in the end - the decisions are our own.

 

[Riverrick]

If there is anyone younger reading this who is thinking along those lines, my advice, for what its worth, would be to give in to your true feelings. If my case is anything to go by, they don't change over time.

Stick around, Justaguy. You're going to have plenty of opportunities to give that advice to guys who may need it.

Congratulations on coming out to yourself! I'm glad you're doing well with it.


-

 

[joeG23]

Justaguy - time to change your name to Justagay You've a great chance to build a new life. Hope you can find happiness and someone to love. Joe

 

[joeG23]

Justaguy, I didn't recognise that most of my cards were queen's, and I played them fucking badly - lol. I don't have an ace up my sleeve, or a Jack of Hearts. I shuffle my joker every now and then. (better end the metaphor here). Joe

 

[smaq44]

I always knew, but always denied. Saying it; out loud; to myself; changed everything for the better. May your next year be as positive as mine has been.

What an awesome story, ibox. Your posts (as well as those of so many others in this thread and in this forum) are truly inspirational!

I came out to myself, then out to my wife, a little over a year ago. Since then, I’ve been trying to discover who I really am and to find my balance. After opening the closet door, I found some dust bunnies in there besides my gayness; stuff like sexual, physical, and emotional abuse going back to age six. It was shocking (to me) to realize that much of the abuse came from my mom (given that mothers are usually seen as nurturing). But I’m not responsible for the behavior of others, only my response. I’ve confronted the stuff in my “shadow” and I’m OK with it. In an effort to be successful, I see now that I’ve lived through two selves: an inner (gay) self and an outer (straight) self. My employers have told me that I was a successful aviator, then teacher, then techie. My wife tells me that I’m a successful husband. My grown children assure me that I’m a successful dad. But I’m a complete failure at being authentic. I’m too old, too ugly, and its too late to correct my mistakes. So I rejoice in your REAL success! And wish you, JustAGuy, Lube, and all the others the very best.

Mac

 

[Riverrick]

But I’m a complete failure at being authentic. I’m too old, too ugly, and its too late to correct my mistakes. So I rejoice in your REAL success! And wish you, JustAGuy, Lube, and all the others the very best.
Mac

Mac. You seem to be very authentic in your post here today. That's a start, huh?

As far as it being too late, it aint over 'till its over. Your story is very interesting and you deserve your own spotlight. I would suggest starting a thread and telling us more about you. Good luck!

 

[joeG23]

Awesome posts. Mac listen to Justaguy - he's perceptive and true - you really helped me early this year, and touched my life in a positive way. You were all those good and successful things because of who who are. I am the person I am because I am gay as well as lots of other things - creative, optimistic, depressive, tall, intelligent, stupid, exasperating, loyal, naive.... the list could go on. I have no doubt that I am a better father for my children because I have my own 'sensibility' which is conditioned in part from my sexuality.

Even those of us who live somewhere in the closet do not lead 'parallel lives'. Our sexuality infuses every bit of us, whether we recognise it or not. It can be tough, but love yourself for who you are Mac, whether your life's journey is another day or another decade or another century (ok science won't find the secret of eternal life quick enough for us thank God), live it as honestly as you can (as you have been doing) and live it positively.

081581 - wish we had a name rather than a number - the reason I came out to my wife is that I could not have kept things suppressed for much longer without it doing me significant harm. You did the right thing - we're social animals, we need other people, we need to interract, we need to be close to others. Our bodies eventually rebel if we don't acknowledge who we are.

Justaguy, thanks for the thread. It was an unassuming little statement about a moment in your life, and it has unleashed something really good. You're like the source of what has become a mighty river... better go now before I start quoting Johnny Cash songs.

Love to you all, Joe

 

[joeG23]

Is he cute justaguy?

 

[antdak]

I just read this thread, and all tho it may be old, I just wanted to welcome all the newbe's here. I have also just recently admitted to myself that I am gay! I was raised that being gay was wrong and a sin, then for a few years, thinking I might be BI, but now I know I am gay! Going thru a divorce my self, after 21 yrs, she does not know, but has some suspitions. She left me for another guy. So I can relate to those of you are married, and going thru divorce your self. I know all new ones here, or those been here from the start of JUB, younger or older, everyone can find a little peace here, can be your self, learn a thing or two, help others or be helped, and just possibly make a friend or two along the way!

 

[joeG23]

Antdak, sorry you are having such a rough time, but try and look at the changes in your life as an opportunity rather than a threat. This divorce gives you a chance to refashion yourself and rebuild your life as a gay man - grab the opportunity and look to the future. Best of luck. Joe

 

[Riverrick]

You need a real reason to go to the doctor unless you want to pay for the visit yourself. Insurance companies want a diagnosis for each visit.

I think it would be ok to do with a cold, etc. It will start a conversation so it shouldn't be as cut and dry as your example. Depends on your doc.

 

[joeG23]

I wouldn't bother telling him your gay unless it has relevance to your health care. If you need to tell someone Justaguy, confide in a friend you can trust. Joe

 

[Smitho]

Well done, writing down "I am gay" for the first time is a big step, and now just keep going.

Best Wishes

 

[Riverrick]

Justaguy,
My story is almost exactly like yours. I have known that I was gay since I was 15, I am now 38, and hid it the same as you did for the same reasons. I was always the "good son", my parents, my father especially, was very conservative. I was expected to marry, have children and be a good husband. I did all these things, going through 3 marriages, all ending because I wasn't really into being with a woman. I finally came out about 5 years ago, to my 3rd wife. Of course that was the end of that one. Since then, I have come out to my family, but too late for my parents as they passed on before I could tell them. It father probably wouldn't have accepted it, but I like to believe my mother would have. I have come out to childhood friends and some co-worker, but must still be careful since I am in the U.S. military. Ours is not as accepting as other countries. My first gay experiences were not the best, mainly one-night stands, but since then I have been more careful about who I date. I have come out to some military friends, but I am careful about who. Only those I trust to be discreet about it. I still need to be careful, but will be retiring in a year and want to be an advocate for gays in the military. Sorry to ramble, but I hope this helps you.

Welcome AirWarrior! Thanks for sharing your story.

It sounds like you are feeling some peace finally about who you are.

 

[lukewarmar]

I'm 23 and I came out a few years ago to a good friend while we were both pretty drunk. She kept asking why I never asked girls out ( of course girls hit on me, I'm gay, right). Because of my state, and the fact that I was so tired of skirting around the issue I blurted out,almost accidentally, "I'm Gay" . There was utter silence for ........about a minute and she asked " are you serious" to which I replied, "yeah". We talked for a long time and I cried, she cried, there was lots of crying and hugging. I't was very scary at first then I felt very relieved. I knew she couldn't keep a secret and that she would tell all our other friends which I was actually very relieved about. She was great throughout the whole situation and we are still very close. I'm still not out at work or with my family, but i'm trying to prepare myself for it.

 

[Riverrick]

I'm 23 and I came out a few years ago to a good friend while we were both pretty drunk. She kept asking why I never asked girls out ( of course girls hit on me, I'm gay, right). Because of my state, and the fact that I was so tired of skirting around the issue I blurted out,almost accidentally, "I'm Gay" . There was utter silence for ........about a minute and she asked " are you serious" to which I replied, "yeah". We talked for a long time and I cried, she cried, there was lots of crying and hugging. I't was very scary at first then I felt very relieved. I knew she couldn't keep a secret and that she would tell all our other friends which I was actually very relieved about. She was great throughout the whole situation and we are still very close. I'm still not out at work or with my family, but i'm trying to prepare myself for it.

Welcome lukewarmar! Nice coming out story.

Hope you stick around!

 

[mpdan]

My turn:
I don't post often, however past posts are pretty much summed up below:

· 44 years old, born into a strict catholic family, and named by a bishop
· Two awesome teenage kids, winners of the gene pool in looks, intelligence, and common sense.
· Married 14 years, we lived in an upscale neighborhood, I was a scout leader and she was a t-ball coach. She told me the marriage was "emotionally dead" and neither of us could figure out why.
· Three days after she asked for a divorce I was fired from my job. I felt the need to drive my car into a steel railroad bridge embankment. The car didn’t survive, but I did and the authorities placed me in a hospital psyche ward for a week.
· For 4 years I went to counseling, and was prescribed many, many different types of mind altering drugs.
· A divorce was granted after several years, when we were both exhausted, and the lawyers realized all the money was gone….
· I almost married again, but I knew something was wrong….something was missing.
· I spent the entire year of 2004 celibate. And alcohol free. Off hours from work were spent renovating a small house – heavy physical labor that left my body happily exhausted. At night I visited the JUB boards on the internet, and slowly I realized that my thoughts were not as crazy as I imagined.
· Coincidentally on New Years day 2005 I had my first drink of alcohol - and my first sexual experience with a man. I happily tumbled out of the closet –if only to my close friends. It dawned on me that I didn’t need those mind-altering drugs anymore….
· I dated, but was still closeted to my family. The divorce cost me every material object I owned, but I still had the love and respect of my children. Yet I had a lot to learn – I felt like a teenager discovering sex for the first time yet trapped in adult man’s body.
· I quit my dull job and took a job working in a campground. A male only campground. If you’re going to fast-start a new life, there is no better place.
· I landed in the hospital shortly after arriving – I needed an immediate operation. The support from my biological family was lacking, but the support from my new friends was incredible. “Gay men know how to care for each other” I was told. “No-one else will”. I was emotionally overwhelmed by their generosity and kindness, stayed on campus, and returned to work when I healed.
· My “educational experiment” was quickly cut short – in the form of a man who became my confidant, my best friend, my lover, my partner.
· I will always remember this summer as the summer my new life began. I am genuinely happy.
· No life is cookie-cutter perfect. In fact my new mate is in a 26 year relationship. Now that the camp is closed for the season we have embarked on a new family unit, a family of three, a gay family that cares for each other, but still smart enough to be in couples (triples?) counseling. We are happy; I’m the one trying to shed the confines of my thoughts, bred far too long in the religious-right corners of my recently abandoned closet.

And the journey began with a man I have never met, whose name I do not know, just an averageguy welcoming me to the land of JUB.