I'm getting a restraining order against someone, confirm I'm not crazy, please...

[dhchitown1984]

I've got a stage 5 clinger here guys - and I can't figure out how to get rid of him...

Back in 2006 (yes - FIVE years ago), I was on one of those classy hookup sites and this guy messaged me.... no face picture, of course, but I was tired and just started chatting with the guy.... as the weeks passed, our conversations were always casual and then he wanted to meet up... since we never talked sex, I kinda forgot I never saw the guys face. Turned out, he went to my high school, but was two years ahead of me. He knew who I was the WHOLE time but never brought it up.

One night, I was admittedly a little drunk, and we hooked up. Nothing seemed off, and we ended up with a few late night encounters over the course of five or six months. One night, I was at his place, and he wanted to go through his computer and as he was scrolling through files, I saw he had two pictures of me saved on his laptop when I had my shirt off on the beach that had been on facebook. He had tons of these kinds of pictures of other guys too - I only recognized mine because they caught my eye as he was scrolling.

I never responded to a text, call, or facebook message after that. That was in 2006, maybe early 2007. I moved about 45 minutes away (from the suburbs to the city) in 2008. He was still texting and then he would randomly comment on my facebook. I finally deleted him off my FB and blocked him from accessing my profile. I texted him and said that we would never hookup again, and that if I got another message I'd call my cell phone company and block his number. A few months later, I get a text so I block him. A few months after that, I get a "Hey, this is [Phil]. I got a new number, so hopefully I can get in touch when I'm in the city." So I blocked that number. Then, I randomly got a text that he was on a friends phone and when he was at his buddy's house, he was on his facebook and saw that I "checked in" to a bar on facebook, and he was in the area and maybe he'd run into me.

So I left the bar, I never replied.

I want to get a restraining order, because now it's just downright creepy. I just want to make sure I'm not being overdramatic to go to the extreme of getting a restraining order of some sort? I literally haven't seen the guy face to face in at least five years, I've made repeated attempts to prevent him from contacting me, and I've told him I would block his number from getting in touch. So, I just want to make sure that other people see this as some major red flags, and to confirm that I'm not crazy....

 

[Telstra]

If you really don't want to chat to him again.
Why don't you just give a simple reply saying
"Please DO NOT text me, contact me again. I don't want to hear from you"

Why can't you do that ?
To get a restraining order without telling him first is wrong.

Maybe he just want to hear you say NO and then he will stop.
He still have abit of hope because he likes you and you didn't say NO.

 

[dhchitown1984]

I've done that, interspersed over the years. I'd tell him that I'm not looking to hookup anymore, I've told him that I'm not interested, and I've just said "no" quite a few times each.

But every time I'd acknowledge him, I would get some "OK, thats, fine, so maybe some other time" and then I would get texts, calls, and facebook messages for two or three weeks.... and with things like facebook, he would leave comments like "Your updates are so funny, I have them texted to my phone!" and he would "like" all of them for two or three weeks at a time, all within five minutes of a post.

 

[Telstra]

But did you say:

Do not text me.
Do not call me.
Do not facebook messages me.
Do not leave comments about me.
Do not ... etc.

If he still doing it after that, then you may want to go to the police.

 

[Georgiadude]

Im not sure his behavior would qualify for a restraining order. its annoying and bothersome but he hasn't threatened to harm you or gone to your home/work to try and be with you. Hes not calling you 15 times a day or at all hours of the night. I cant remember where I saw it but not long ago I read where judges are starting to back off on issuing them unless the person is threatening you or your family.

I dont like it when people pull the disappearing act like you did. you should have told him you didn't want to see him any more and explained why back in 07 or whenever it was you last saw him. very likely could have saved you the trouble your having now. who knows.

the next time he contacts you politely but CLEARLY let him know that you are not interested in seeing him or hearing from him any more. ( Phil, we havent spoke in years. I am no longer interested in a friendship with you. Please stop all contact with me. including calls, texts, facebook etc. any further contact will be considered harassment and I will notify the authorities.) Save the message that you send. if after that he contacts you then you may be able to get one.

good luck.

Steven.

 

[Telstra]

Im not sure his behavior would qualify for a restraining order. its annoying and bothersome but he hasn't threatened to harm you or gone to your home/work to try and be with you. Hes not calling you 15 times a day or at all hours of the night. I cant remember where I saw it but not long ago I read where judges are starting to back off on issuing them unless the person is threatening you or your family.

I dont like it when people pull the disappearing act like you did. you should have told him you didn't want to see him any more and explained why back in 07 or whenever it was you last saw him. very likely could have saved you the trouble your having now. who knows.

the next time he contacts you politely but CLEARLY let him know that you are not interested in seeing him or hearing from him any more. ( Phil, we havent spoke in years. I am no longer interested in a friendship with you. Please stop all contact with me. including calls, texts, facebook etc. any further contact will be considered harassment and I will notify the authorities.) Save the message that you send. if after that he contacts you then you may be able to get one.

good luck.

Steven.

Yep, pull the disappearing act is rude.
But because of lust people will contact you again because you didn't reply.

 

[justsimon]

Restraining orders are not as easy to attain as one would think.

 

[Cedric]

I had a similar situation (see the thread I started last night about my stalker), but in my case, it wasn't someone who I had any kind of intimacy with ever; it was just imagined intimacy on his end. It's scary, but people like that eventually give up and find someone else to stalk. Yes, it can take years (my stalker met me in 2002), but--trust me--it will stop.

Like Georgiadude, I also don't like it when people pull a disappearing act after having had a meaningful sort of intimacy with me. I put that as broadly as possible since I know that intimacy can come in all forms. For example, I met this guy on grindr last year. We met at a cafe, strolled around the neighborhood together, and then continued the conversation at my place where we hooked up. Afterwards, he said that he wanted to be friends, hang out, introduce me to his friends, etc., etc. and cook me dinner the following weekend. He never answered any of my texts or messages after that ever again. I'm not clingy, so I just stopped after the first few messages. The thing is, he started going to my gym shortly after that incident, so I have to see him there, and it still hurts even though it was a year ago. I still wonder what I did to make him change his mind about seeing me again. Did I do something he found offensive? Maybe. But I would have appreciated some explanation from him after he made those overtures.

 

[scooter63]

I never responded to a text, call, or facebook message after that. That was in 2006, maybe early 2007. I moved about 45 minutes away (from the suburbs to the city) in 2008. He was still texting and then he would randomly comment on my facebook. I finally deleted him off my FB and blocked him from accessing my profile. I texted him and said that we would never hookup again, and that if I got another message I'd call my cell phone company and block his number.

I think that you have told him plain enough with the silence and the fact that you also sent him a text message stating that you will never hook up again and if you haven't responded to any of his messages that should be plain enough for anyone with an ounce of brains to realize that you evidently are not interested in pursuing anything further.

If you really don't want to chat to him again.
Why don't you just give a simple reply saying
"Please DO NOT text me, contact me again. I don't want to hear from you"

Why can't you do that ?
To get a restraining order without telling him first is wrong.

Maybe he just want to hear you say NO and then he will stop.
He still have abit of hope because he likes you and you didn't say NO.

Isn't that what the OP stated in his initial post? The he in fact did send him a text message and told the other individual not to text me anymore. How much more clear and plain do you want it? Do you want the OP to hand deliver it with a singing ********? Come on, the man must be a total wack job if he can't figure out that the OP wants nothing further to do with him.

But did you say:

Do not text me.
Do not call me.
Do not facebook messages me.
Do not leave comments about me.
Do not ... etc.

If he still doing it after that, then you may want to go to the police.

Yes, see above. Did you read the OP first message?

I dont like it when people pull the disappearing act like you did. you should have told him you didn't want to see him any more and explained why back in 07 or whenever it was you last saw him. very likely could have saved you the trouble your having now. who knows.

What disappearing act? He tried it out, saw that it wasn't his cup of tea, and decided to leave. It was a hookup and a causal encounter for a couple quickies of sex. It wasn't like they were going out steady, were boyfriends or in a committed relationship. It was a fling. Veni, Vedi, Vicci. He came, he saw, he left. And the OP did send a text message to tell the other wacked dude to not contact him anymore. That guy must be a total box of rocks upstairs if he can't figure out that the OP wants nothing further to do with him.

To the OP I don't think, coming from a family with legal and law enforcement backgrounds, that you would have grounds to receive a restraining order against this individual. He is an annoyance to you but no threat to life. liberty or livelihood which is what they look for. I think you have told this person numerous times and in numerous ways that you are not interested and want nothing to do with him. He is a nut case and evidently mentally unstable that he has become totally obsessed with you. About the only thing that you can do at this time is change your cell number so that he doesn't have it, restrict who gets your new number, and let it be know amongst your friends that you do not want this person to have any contact information regarding you. Make sure that you are not broadcasting anything on any of the social medias that you don't want this guy to know about.

Good luck to you and sorry that your acquaintance turned so sour and bad tasting.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

True, there has been no threat made, and I've never caught him outside my windows, so I'm probably reaching a little too far over to say "restraining order."

Part of my rationalization behind the disappearing act, which perhaps, I should've been more upfront about, was the fact that he had saved pictures of me he found online on his computer. When I pieced that with the fact that he talked to me for weeks knowing exactly who I was without telling me who he was, just creeped me out... and in my opinion, rightfully so.

Either way, I will continue to tell him "no" instead of ignoring the requests. Perhaps I'll also get the message translated into a few languages for better clarity!

Thanks all for everyone's advice and suggestions.

 

[MoltenRock III]

You're overreacting IMHO. If someone txts me like that I delete it without a 2nd thought, no big deal. As far as Facebook, don't telegraph your whereabouts to the world at large, change your privacy settings, or just live with it. I wouldn't have left the bar I was at just to avoid a random dude. Letting strangers have that much import in your life isn't healthy. Life is too precious to worry about such small annoyances.

 

[Nomenclature]

You're completely paranoid and overreacting. He hasn't done anything wrong to you at all.

Just my opinion.

 

[hackingnomberr]

Totally overreacting.
The fact that you cut him over the pictures thing without saying anything in the first place is even a bit ridiculous.