I'm having some trouble with this...

[capper269]

Screw the labels. Why do human beings have to be so label-oriented? I am who I am. I am who the creator made me to be. Whatever that is that I am. I have dated women. I have loved women. I have made love to women. I have dated men. I have loved men. I have made love to men. I can neither explain nor justify who I am attracted to, and you know what? That doesn't bother me. I am a college educated man who has studied biology, as you have. I am a Christian who has taken many journeys in my faith, as you no doubt have also. Neither science nor religion has conflicted me about who and what I am. I would be telling a lie if I said I never questioned it, because I have, but also I have arrived at a place of peace where everything fits for me. If you would like to be there too, you can. Just forget trying to label everything and pursue your own happiness. Because, in the end, you are the only one that make or deny yourself that happiness. You are the one with the freedom of choice to decide how you want to live your life. You need to decide what will make you happy, and then follow through. Don't worry about what that is called. Just go for it. It all works out in the wash.

 

[2243]

Dragging us down by stubbornly arguing we're basically freaks of nature. Not by sharing the personal struggles of coming to terms with oneself, which we can help him with. Read what I say.

Well, IMO he is sharing his struggle.

...However, if you choose the latter, and stubbornly refuse to accept it as being okay, please omit us happy gays from your misery and stop dragging us down with you.

...and I apologize If you thought I was referring to you about unfairness because I wasn't. I just didn't want to be included as a "happy gay", well not now anyway.

 

[2243]

And insulting us at the same time.

Yeah, but the guy needs help. You might even say he doesn't know any better.

 

[Croynan]

this may be a pure guess but if i were you i would seek some very serious professional help - to put it bluntly therapy - and not with a psychologist but a psychiatrist - maybe one who specializes in working with homosexuals.

you may even want to consider working with a woman therapist.

see your internist or doctor and discuss the matter with him/her. then request three, count them three referrals from your doctor to professional therapists - consult with each of them so that you can decided which one you think you can work with the best in dealing with THE ISSUES you have.

i have the feeling the answer(s) you are looking for are not in the field of biology but rather in a field that has to do with the HUMAN MIND.

if studying the field of biology can produce the issues and responses you have given, there might be a possibility you have a mis-understanding of the field.

i wonder what your BIOLOGY Professors responses would be to the issues you have stated and the responses you have given.
​

eM.​

 

[yeeeaaahhh]

Yes, I do need help. Yes, I am confused. Yes, I am trying to deal with a pretty fucking big issue in my life.
And most of you just straight up suck. Apperently coming to terms with your sexuality was increadibly easy for most of you.
Well, it's not for me.
I didn't intend on insulting anyone. I am stating what I know at this point and how I see the world.
To me, science is life. So I see myself, and I try to explain it with science.
And no, I don't know that much at this point. I am a Freshmen in college.
Don't freak out just because someone said that you were abnormal when it comes to fitness. I didn't say that you were bad or wrong. Get off my back.
Jesus Christ!

I really hope that when you all talked to someone about your questions and concerns about your sexuality, they didn't jump all over your back. Like most of you did to me.
Thanks.
I'll have to remember next time I am going to express any such thing that JUB is full of assholes.

 

[yeeeaaahhh]

That my friend is truer than the science shit you come up with.

That is really stupid.
In a world where we are not really accepted by a lot of people anyway, it seems like we should at least be accepting of eachother.
Whatever.

 

[bzeus69]

Yes, I do need help. Yes, I am confused. Yes, I am trying to deal with a pretty fucking big issue in my life.
And most of you just straight up suck. Apperently coming to terms with your sexuality was increadibly easy for most of you.
Well, it's not for me.
I didn't intend on insulting anyone. I am stating what I know at this point and how I see the world.
To me, science is life. So I see myself, and I try to explain it with science.
And no, I don't know that much at this point. I am a Freshmen in college.
Don't freak out just because someone said that you were abnormal when it comes to fitness. I didn't say that you were bad or wrong. Get off my back.
Jesus Christ!

I really hope that when you all talked to someone about your questions and concerns about your sexuality, they didn't jump all over your back. Like most of you did to me.
Thanks.
I'll have to remember next time I am going to express any such thing that JUB is full of assholes.

A) Lay off the emo pills.
B) We were trying to help and be constructive, until you began to flame us and post back in short, snooty, and immature responses saying we're wrong, this that, blah blah...
C) Whats with all this special term: "fitness" crap you've been throwing around. Some crazy college professor infect your brain with some massively broad word, yet with a new meaning? Not once in my life have I heard of human reproduction referred to as simply "fitness". I'm not even going to get into details at how screwed up this logic is. Insinuating that life simply revolves around the act of reproduction. a.k.a. SEX.

And most of all:

D) If your trying not to insult us, like you claim, why choose these words directly?

How do you guys make it? How are you okay with yourself all the time? How do you feel about being biologically abnormal?
Are there anyways to be make myself more okay with it?

I advise you to think on these words carefully:

When you invoke your right to freedom of speech, you must also accept the consequences of speaking your "opinion".

At this point, I'm giving up on you. Your way too dramatic, and depressive to even spend another sad minute trying to help. Instead of having a constructive discussion, you bypassed all the help, and immediately began on the offensive after reading "some" of the posts. And unless I am mistaken, I have yet to see any of the jubbers who spent time to respond to your pitiful post resort to throwing profanity around. That was you my friend.

Farewell from me, and best of luck finding yourself in that hole you keep digging deeper.

 

[NickCole]

Okay, so I am having some trouble with my sexuality.
I am bisexual. As far as percentages go, I am basically 50/50.
And I am normally okay with that. But right now I am not.
I mean, being gay or bi is fine... for anyone else.
I don't really understand why I can't just be normal.
And everyone says "Being gay or bi is normal!" but it's not.
As biology student, I think I know a thing or two about what's normal and what's not.
Being gay/ bi decreses fitness (the ability of an organism to reproduce and survive). Decreased fitness means that over time our numbers should be dropping. But they aren't. Which means that we cannot be normal.

If your concern is being normal and your definition of normal is fitness to reproduce, then reproduce. Today, even gay men and women who can't stand the idea of heterosexual intercourse can reproduce just as easily as heterosexuals -- a lot of heterosexuals today reproduce through in vitro fertilization, as do homosexuals. You say you're 50/50 bisexual; what's stopping you from reproducing through in vitro or the old fashioned way?

Or is your biology student definition of normal sexual orientation not really the issue you're grappling with? And if it isn't, then why torment yourself with it?

So, back to the point... I remember when I was Mr. religious.
I prayed that God would save me and make me a normal heterosexual male.
It didn't happen.
And I came to terms with that.
But sometimes (like right now) I am not at terms with it.
And it sucks.

Again with the normal. Only this time it's a religious definition of normal you're trying to conform to.

You will always be able to find a definition of normal that marks you as abnormal, and a defintion that marks you as normal. You decide which to accept for yourself.

How do you guys make it? How are you okay with yourself all the time?

Nobody's okay with himself all the time except maybe pathologically damaged people like sociopaths.

Life is a process of challenges and opportunities. The better you meet your challenges, use them as opportunities to grow and mature, the more comfortable - and normal - you'll feel in your own skin.

How do you feel about being biologically abnormal?
Are there anyways to be make myself more okay with it?

I've never felt biologically abnormal so I don't know about that.

I think you should strive to be the best YOU you can be, that's what nature (or God) intended for you, which seems to me as biologically normal as one can be.

Surround yourself with people who challenge you, encourage your best self, not people who excuse and defend your lesser self, and you'll end up satisfied and comfortable with who you are -- no matter how anybody else defines normal.

 

[tze100]

Whatever you think about non-heterosexuality, from a biological point of view there are thousands of 'abnormalities' that I am pretty sure you would rather not have.

Be grateful for what you do have in life rather than fixating on the things you cannot change.

 

[Swellegant]

yeeeaaahhh, three pieces of advice:

One, if you want to be treated gently, post in the No Flame Zone forums like Coming Out & Relationships or BiTalk, not in Hot Topics. The people in those forums have the patience that we in Hot Topics do not possess.

Two, abandon the concept of normality. There is no such thing as "normal." There is the majority norm, and there is normative behavior, but normality doesn't really exist. There is no such thing as a normal person: everybody has some odd little quirk, be it biological or psychological.

See, human beings are beyond mere biology: we invented biology. The very ability to study the workings of nature sets us apart from the rest of nature. Human beings are far and away the most unnatural of creatures, simply because we have scientific minds and creative impulses. We live in houses and take pills and use machines for every little thing. We talk of abstract principles and we create art. Our genetic fitness is so irrelevant to our species' survival that it's pointless even to consider it.

And Three: as to how I get by with the knowledge that I'm different from the norm, there are a lot of things. But the first thing is the simple mental act of acceptance. Butcha are in that chair, Blanche! There's nothing you can do about it except accept it. And once you realize that, everything else falls into place.

I mean, being gay isn't my only oddity (and I'm willing to bet that your sexuality isn't your only oddity, either). I also get to deal with bipolar disorder, alcoholism, and crappy teeth. I inherited all three of those weaknesses from biologically unfit straight people, my parents... both of whom are batshit crazy addicts with weak teeth. By the laws of nature, they should never have been allowed to live to adulthood; but humanity is not entirely ruled by the laws of nature. We have medecine, and compassion for the weak, and a lot of other little quirks which evolved in us over time.

People accept their oddities all the time. Ask a short man how he lives with being short. Ask an ugly girl how she deals with being ugly. And you'll find that they either accept what they've been dealt and move on to more important topics, or they stew in rage for the rest of their miserable little lives. Those are your only two choices.

And I realize that it's harder than it sounds. It was easy for me to accept my sexuality because I was already a "freak," I'd been an outcast because of my anormative gender behavior long before my sexuality showed itself. And my teeth have always been fucked-up, the fact that they're starting to fall out is more a blessing than a curse.

But it took me years to accept my alcoholism. And it took a lot of work, both in twelve-step programs and in therapy, to come to terms with it and not let it ruin my life anymore. The same with my bipolar disorder, I resisted addressing it for years, I waited until I was so miserable I couldn't stand it before I sought help.

And see, if I had accepted those two things sooner, I would have saved myself a lot of misery. I could have prevented my alcoholism from destroying my relationships and damaging my body. I could have prevented my bipolar disorder from progressing to the point that I have to have daily medication for the rest of my life.

And here's one last piece of advice: change the words you use. We are verbal creatures, and the words we choose can have a psychological effect far more lasting than the sound-waves or keyboard-taps they take to communicate them. By using words like "abnormal" and "unfit," you constantly tear down your self-esteem. You may think you're simply being honest with yourself, "calling a spade a spade," but you're really destroying yourself. So quit it. Quit it right now, just stop doing it.

So, to review: be nice to yourself; accept the things you cannot change; abandon conformity; and choose your forums more carefully (in that order).

You know, even those of us who've been sharp with you only want to help.

 

[bzeus69]

So, to review: be nice to yourself; accept the things you cannot change; abandon conformity; and choose your forums more carefully (in that order).

You know, even those of us who've been sharp with you only want to help.

Very nicely put!

 

[Shepherd 2]

What is the norm?
If something falls within that norm, is it normal?
If something is outside the norm,
is it abnormal?
Who is the last word or authority about such things?
I am convinced that the use of the word normal in this thread
in not correct English, nor is it social science.
This whole thread is a confusion to me.
Shep+

 

[Framboise]

Honestly, this is what I have to say.

Your all being fucking retards because your all throwing out facts and shit without BACKING UP with evidence or resources.


Did you all ever take 9th grade Speech and Tech?

 

[1st love ron]

What is the norm?

I am convinced that the use of the word normal in this thread
in not correct English, nor is it social science.

Exactly, that's why this thread turned into a firestorm.
The norm is heterosexuality. Homosexuality IS normal, though.

 

[rareboy]

Time for this thread to be cleaned up.

I think the point has been well made that the original poster is in serious need of professional sounselling assistance to deal with a wide range of issues and honest to goodness I can't believe he hasn't been banned for calling people assholes on this thread and 'fucking bastards' on another thread in 'Coming Out'

Just because yeahhh is an angry, frustrated, self loathing gay or demi-gay does not mean that everyone has to indulge his tantrum without making an opposing statement to his hypotheses.

...and Framboise, trust me....many people who post have education credentials far beyond a grade 9 basic english competency course. Your language hardly reads like the rational response and 'Your (sic) all being fucking retards' is too broad a statement.... some clarity and specificity is required.

 

[bzeus69]

Honestly, this is what I have to say.

Your all being fucking retards because your all throwing out facts and shit without BACKING UP with evidence or resources.


Did you all ever take 9th grade Speech and Tech?

Why would we need evidence or resources to justify our own natural emotions or feelings?


Nice post though. By beginning with calling us "fucking retards", I'm on the presumption that you, in fact did not take either of those classes you had mentioned, otherwise you would know how to properly introduce yourself into an already heated conversation.