I'm in a sex slump?

[chrisdobro]

recently I am finding that I have a seemingly blah attitude about sex.

How do I know? I am not excited by it anymore.

Experiences that lead up to it -- boys that say one day things like "I'm so horny I want to meet you right now" and then them dropping off like flies may have had that effect. Typically I'd get back to them and bug them but I don't. I did that before too many times with no related pay-off. I suppose that also trying to find the thing, the kink, the guy that gets me off has not been immediate. Usually I do not find them. I am over giving up. I am just "there" and "existing" for the guy who has overstayed his not coming over to me.

Either way whatever my experience were, I am no longer interested in actually actively pursuing sex. It's like if a guy cancels out or "dies out" on me, and that happens every few days now, I don't get terribly upset as I did before.

When I do get someone over, I don't even get hard for them. They don't get me off.

Some time "before" I would get seriously excited about having someone lick my ass, or me licking them or whatever else I wanted to do. Now I don't seem to get such strong urges as of the last few months. I think partially it's that I know that getting these urges satisfied is just unlikely and that I'd have to deal with boys who do not come through.

Perhaps it's the drugery of finding someone to get me off that put me off to sex and excitement. Most often when I do agree to have sex I find it that it's not for me but for them. They get excited, they get off, and I'm not even getting hard.

I want my sex and excitement and strong urges back, please. And have them satisfied when they do.

 

[HunterM]

Stay celebrate for 3 months or so.

Do you have other things/personal goals/work/hobbies/vacations in your life that you do get excited about? If you do, focus on those for the next few months.

If you're not excited about anything else in your life, then you may be in a depression.

 

[bankside]

Maybe you are hitting up against the natural limitations of sex with randoms, and you're ready for a bigger challenge.

Try not worrying about it for a while and see if you start noticing men for reasons other than hooking up.

It might kickstart your sex life in a new direction. If nothing happens after a few months or if your interest in other parts of life starts slacking off, then maybe check it out with a doctor just to make sure it isn't a hormone thing or some kind of depression.

 

[Seasoned]

Maybe is the wrong guys under the wrong circumstances. You may just need to mix things up a bit.

 

[nycqtx]

Maybe you should start looking for relationships that are more meaningful than just sex? Do you get to know the people you hook up with? Do you go on dates with them? Do you even like them as a person?

Whatever happens before sex is just as important as the act itself, and may even enhance the experience. I'm sure you'll enjoy sex more if you did it with somebody you not only find hot, but also funny and smart. Also, most guys that just hook up are more concerned with their own sexual satisfaction, which might explain why these guys are not as concerned with getting you off.

 

[chrisdobro]

thanks

these are good suggestions.

I think it is time to take a break. Don't force anything and just let things happen and don't try so hard. Just move onto something else in the mean time.

 

[chrisdobro]

I think I know what's up.

I am letting people run over me and treat me like their doormat.

classical stylized example: guy wants to meet me, I want to meet the guy. Our meeting falls through because the guy can't meet me for one BS reason or another. Not a good reason. Instead of dropping the guy, I give them the benefit of the doubt and keep talking with them. This drags on for a week or two and it is draining for me.

One guy indicated his intent to meet 3 times over 2 weeks and each time he dropped off, sometimes without notice. I let them do this and it has a toll on me.

I need to stop this. Before I used to drop people immediately when they flaked out. Over time I became more lax. I think I need to stern up again and don't let them walk all over me. Once they are out, they are out. If it did not work out when I wanted it to work out, it is done and over with and I am to move on. I think that it will give me psychological peace again and I won't be in "forever waiting for you" mode.


One thing I am struggling with a bit now is I have two guys on whom I have been waiting for a while. I want to end it. One way is to conact them and say "I am done with you", but that will be silly. I think I need to end it in my mind now and do not wait for them nor tell them. If they are to contact me again, then I can tell them I am done, but that's extra stuff. I need to end it now in my head and be free again. Yes.

One of the guys though has made plans with me for this Friday. Problem is I do not see him as reliable enough to know for sure that he is coming. That sucks. But I guess that in this case I might just have to wait till 2pm Friday to know for sure if our plan is going to work out or not. In fact I wish it does not work out, since our "meeting" that did not happen, keeps being dragged out for 2 weeks now. I want to be done and over it in my head, but it is still dying and not really over But I gave myself a time limit - it either is to happen Friday or it is really over. And then I will be a free man again. Alternatively I can end it now and not wait for him. I wish I had the strength to do this. I do but I still want to wait.

 

[HunterM]

This is reality: most people on hookup sites are flaky.

People on relationship/dating sites are more reliable.

Are you looking for instant sex? Or are you looking for a relationship? Have you tried going to the bars to meet people?