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Im in love with a 46 year old man - im 21

lol you know what im ok and im happy
im glad i got it out of my chest

but hes coming this weekend
what do i do?
 
CountryBiy86 said:
ok i emailed him last night and i just got emailed back today
so i basically got rejected...
so does that mean its over?
Click to expand...

No, it means that he's your friend and he's putting your friendship above the other possibilities.


CountryBiy86 said:
but hes coming this weekend
what do i do?
Click to expand...

Everyone has a first crush. The guy sounds like a decent guy- he was honest with you and put what he felt was your best interest before his own interests.

Only you know the answer to the question "What do I do?". Only you know if you're emotionally able to handle the situation right now. If you are, then enjoy his company and friendship. If you are not ready, then sit this one out and see him the next time he's in town.
 
Hey, honey, I hear ya. I am closeted, and have a huge crush on a 40 year old guy I know. He hit on me a year ago, but I was scared and didn't take him up on the offer. Now, I wish I did...but I'm so scared of coming out.
 
hey i told him that i dont think its a good idea for us to be spending the night together! and he agreed!
 
Stop with all the drama already. You are starting to sound very immature. You said you were not interested in just a sexual relationship and that he has rejected you as bf material. Then you agree that you should not be spending the night together. That leaves you with friendship.
If you can handle that with no romance and no hope for more than friendship, go for it. If you can't, you better not see him anymore.

My guess is you will do whatever you want, ignoring all advice (that you solicited), so I should just save my breath.
 
19 and 66???!! HOLY SHIT! I can't even imagine how that's healthy in any form whatsoever. I am 25 and dated an 18 year old and the generation gap was very apparent. I can't imagine 4 generation gaps! I'm baffled at how that works, but I guess if it works for you then by all means! I'm not a huge believer in dating someone so much older, I just can't wrap my mind around how that could possibly work. My only answer is it has to do with some sort of father figure issues; there has to be some sort of deep rooted psychology going on there. I would say that you're 21 years old and to forget about this older guy who doesn't even live near you and date some guys your own age! Experience life a bit, you may get hurt, but you will learn a lot from each person you meet and it will only build your character and make you a better person in the end!
 
can i just say dating anyone who is more than 10 years older than you is just gross and wrong and disgusting. Seriously, they are as old as you parents gross.

*hope this doesnt offend anyone*
 
Luka said:
can i just say dating anyone who is more than 10 years older than you is just gross and wrong and disgusting. Seriously, they are as old as you parents gross.

*hope this doesnt offend anyone*
Click to expand...

It does. [-X [-X [-X
 
volcom1206 said:
I am requiring you to watch this soap opera http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBMUIeUcBz4 . It is about a couple that shares an age gap similar to yours. Cute story, your situtation reminded me of it.

At this point, just play around. Let this relationship take you where it will. If it works out, you met someone really special, if it doesn't, than you had a good time and moved on.

However, once the relationship gets to a more serious level you need to consider a few things. 1- Am I ok with constantly being 20 years younger than my partner? Is it ok that he will most likely die much sooner than I will? 2- Is the distance a problem? Can I handle a long distance relationship?

Depending on those answers after being in a serious relationship with this guy for a while, then you should make a choice. For now, just live and have fun. See where it leads you.
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thanks for the link to the show

enjoyed it:-)
 
You should still see him only if you believe you have the maturity to respect his wishes and expect nothing else than a strictly platonic visit where two men share the companionship of friendship.
 
i saw him today! we went out for coffee and thats it. we both were cool with everything. just wanted to let yall know!
 
Glad you had a good time. I would keep it on a friendship level; going further may stir feelings that you are getting under control.

As for dating guys older; most of the guys I have dated are in their 20's. I've been going out with two guys pretty regularly and one is 20 and one is 23. Both are very mature and we have a great time. Actually, just got off the phone with the 20 year old!

Maybe it's because I'm fairly new and fresh; maybe it's because I'm pretty active but guys that are closer to my age usually don't have the same zeal for life. Your friend sounds like he has been out, comfortable, and is now looking for stability. I know how he feels because I am slowly getting to that point myself.

Having gotten out of a 19 year relationship with a woman only three years ago, I would follow his advice and "get it out of your system." You need to find out what you like in a guy, what turns you on, what turns you off. Dating will reveal that; jumping in with the first person that comes along may provide comfort but it may leave you always wondering....

When I came out, I met an older couple who had been together for years. I got into a relationship when I came out before dating; it ended six months later. Their advice to me: "honey, you need to go out and get laid. You are just a babe and need to get it out of your system." They then offered to include me in three ways! Ha..ha..!
 
It's sometimes seems strange that it's the older guy who has the problem with an age-disparate relationship (not just gay -- see the movie "Prime" older woman, younger guy). It seems that they often feel that 1. they don't want to deprive the younger guy of a particular phase of life, the possibilities of youth 2. that maybe they fear he will want to wander later on and explore exactly those possibilities 3. that they are more practical, wise and have seen more. It's up to the younger guy to convince the older guy that he's not interested in exploring, change or variety of partners -- as long as it's true! Some of us are more concerned with relationships and love and sometimes the older, more experienced guy needs to be reassured.
 
**update**

We hung out last night...he took me to my first gay bar in toronto. It wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. We had a good time.
I also stayed overnight at his hotel. It was amazing...the sex and everything. I had my best time with a man last night. It was also my first time doing anal intercourse. I know most of y'alll said not to be intimate but i couldn't help myself and he couldn't either. We planned on this night even way before i told him about my feelings.
But at least i got two things accomplished in one night. My feelings for him came back last night but he made it clear to me we'll never be in a relationship. So i guess im going to put everything behind me and continue my search for that right guy. Oh man, its so hard to find a decent man in this city.
 
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