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I'm in love with another Top....can it work?

modernaire

modernaire

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So, I've been in a friends with benefits situation with a guy for 7 years. Prior to meeting this man, I was strictly a top in sexual situations but I wanted to explore the bottom aspect of sex and so I placed an ad and he answered. Aside from this guy, I had little to no interest in being fucked by anyone else. He basically instructed me in the act of being a bottom and I grew to enjoy giving up my butt to him on a weekly basis. This was strictly a fuckbuddy situation for the first couple of years. We didn't hang out or date, as per the agreement.

During that time, however, he acquired a partner as did I, but we managed to keep our meetings going. I was a tad jealous when he told me he started dating his partner, but that faded quickly as I got involved with someone. His partner later died in an accident after two years of them being together, and my relationship came to an end. By this time, we developed a bond and started to go on trips, out to dinner, etc. which eventually led to us trying (very slowly) a relationship. I ended it after a short time due to my own insecurities and doubts about being in a monogamous relationship with someone who had ZERO interest in my dick. He would rim me occasionally, but sex revolved mostly around his penis inside of me. The sex is fantastic, but my preferred method of getting off is by being a top. I cut communication for about 4 months before we reunited and basically picked up where we left off. No longer in a relationship, we basically became friends with benefits. We go out to eat, go on trips, walk the dog together, I sleep over at his place a lot, we kiss hello and goodbye.....but he's not my partner, and I'm not his.

I feel like I can't move on with my life with our situation as it is. And the last thing I want is to one day hear that he's found someone and I'm left out in the cold. My best friend tells me to cut my losses and find the nearest exit. Lately, I find myself wanting more of a commitment with him again, but I refuse to act on it given the fact that he's not willing to satisfy me sexually in the way that I most desire. I feel like I know the answer to my dilemma, I just want to be sure I'm right that the situation is hopeless.

Can this work? Can two tops or two bottoms have a committed partnership?
 
He can't give you what you want. This is why, as someone who is versatile, I would never commit myself to a top. Unless it's medical, I find a total top to be completely selfish.

If you still want him, your best option is to have a discussion about a relationship. Clearly you want something more than a friend with benefits situation. However, the condition of said relationship needs to be open. Whether it is some kind of threesome relationship looking for a bottom or just where you can find a bottom every now and then on your own.

Otherwise, accept the fact that you will never be satisfied enough to commit, and he will one day find a willing bottom who does want to be his partner.
 
Sounds like a lose/lose situation for you.

Find someone who isn't so selfish.

And who isn't using you only as a cumdump whenever he doesn't have a real boyfriend.

Be friends by all means, but look for a relationship elsewhere.

This one is going nowhere.
 
All negativity aside, I was in a relationship with another top for a year and it was never that big of an issue. When you love someone, that shit does not matter at all. It's just sex. Granted, he'd let me fuck him sometimes, and I basically turned into a versa-top, but 70 percent of our sex was non-penetrative and still mindblowing. Communicate, negotiate, and have fun.
 
rareboy said:
Sounds like a lose/lose situation for you.

Find someone who isn't so selfish.

And who isn't using you only as a cumdump whenever he doesn't have a real boyfriend.

Be friends by all means, but look for a relationship elsewhere.

This one is going nowhere.
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This is the conclusion I've come to as well. As much as I care for the guy, I'm not interested in yet, ANOTHER selfish partner. I plan to break the news to him as soon as possible. Will keep you guys posted in regards to his reaction. Thanks so much for the feedback, guys (*8*)
 
How is being a top "selfish?" I was in a relationship that lasted 7 years, I'm a total top and my partner was versatile. The end of the relationship had nothing to do with the sex. I am a top because I do not enjoy being a bottom at all. How is it selfish just because I don't want to perform a sexual act that causes me nothing but discomfort? And no, there is nothing medically wrong with me. Do you actually think gay men are supposed to tolerate discomfort in sex in order to not be labeled "selfish?"
 
Do you actually think gay men are supposed to tolerate discomfort in sex in order to not be labeled "selfish?"
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I don't know. What do you think?
 
I find that I can emotionally connect with other bottoms easier. Guys who say they are 'tops' tend to have a lot of issues with the whole 'masculine' and 'being gay' thing. It's not like if you're a little effeminate I'm going to find you repulsive. Of course masculinity turns me on but hey, I like a certain kind of faggy!

No two people are going to be completely and perfectly complementary. It just doesn't work that way, you're thinking too absolute-ish. You might meet ANOTHER guy who you're more sexually compatible with, but there will always be other ways in which you a clash. Obviously, sexual appeal is very important to you (you're on a porn site forum after all) so you should be able to get what you want.
 
This isn't about tops and bottoms.

This is about 7 years and no real commitment.

You're not getting any younger. Find someone who actually meets your needs, compromises and is willing to make the commitment- and it's really the commitment that you're looking for, not just a hole, right?
 
KaraBulut said:
This isn't about tops and bottoms.

This is about 7 years and no real commitment.

You're not getting any younger. Find someone who actually meets your needs, compromises and is willing to make the commitment- and it's really the commitment that you're looking for, not just a hole, right?
Click to expand...

EXACTLY! The top and bottom issue is the red herring of the story. I think I deserve more than half-assed attempts at a commitment. More than anything, I can't bet my happiness on the whims of someone else. It's definitely about more than a hole.
 
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