I'm Lonely

[Theyoungman]

I'm lonely, too.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

Ok then, where do I go? I'm not in WeHo like you. I'm in the IE (Inland Empire, for those of you not in Cal.) - it's totally different here.

Where at in the Inland Empire are you? San Bernardino is by far the worse, only gay community there is, is that Motorcycle Group that Soilwork talks about. Plus the one Lesbian bar. There are a couple of good things in the IE, Palm Springs is just too far for me.

 

[screwnutty]

I really don't have any hobbies that are interesting to other people. I wouldn't mind involving myself in other guys hobbies tho'...
.

Well what are some of those hobbies? Just because you think nobody might be interested in them doesn't make it true!

For example...I have one hobby that I like to do. Play Dungeons and Dragons. Now nobody will admit to enjoy playing that game because of the geek attachment. BUT I did find players to play with!

The first rule you gotta know is be true to yourself....not what others want from you!

 

[luminum]

Drawing. Lots of drawing. Romantic things, funny things, cute things. Drawing fictional couples from things I'm reading. At least I can imagine/create happiness.

 

[Theyoungman]

Don't you live in Boston or Cambridge? It's not that difficult to make connections here. We have one of the largest and most visible gay populations in the country. Where have you been, what have you tried, how long have you been here?

(Don'y want to hijack the thread, feel free to PM me if you want.)

Umm... I'm living in Michigan, north of Detroit, right now...

I used to live in Worster Mass more than 4 years ago, but I was a kid then.

My mom wants me to go with her back to Worster for some stuff I have to do, though...

 

[jakke]

This may sound sappy! After the "Now I lay me down to sleep... phase of prayer, I set it aside for another. I am hardly the paradigm of virture, piety, or goodness, but I try to remember those who feel alone, those who are truly alone and abandoned and all those who have no one to love them or pray for them, because I too know loneliness. So, "Gin&tonic", for what ever its worth, your question resonates in me in a certain way and I share a sense of loneliness with you. The only thing I can do is is make room in my existence for you by acknowledging your courage to ask this question and remember you. It may not be of much consequence or consolation to you, but in this action I beleive that at some level a connection is made and the barriers which loneliness brings are somehow weakened. In fact all the responses to your thread acknowledge you as a person whose thoughts are worth a response. Your courageous question has given an assurance to others that they are not the only ones who have to deal with this issue. By opening yourself up, you have cracked the walls of loneliness in yourself and in others. Not a bad impact to make on the world, eh?

 

[Christopher123]

Hi boys,

I'm just wondering how many of you are lonely; and for those who are, how do you handle it.

I just... deal with it. Basically.

What else can you do?

I know that's not a very good answer, but many of us are lonely. You're not by yourself

 

[Gin&Tonic]

This may sound sappy! After the "Now I lay me down to sleep... phase of prayer, I set it aside for another. I am hardly the paradigm of virture, piety, or goodness, but I try to remember those who feel alone, those who are truly alone and abandoned and all those who have no one to love them or pray for them, because I too know loneliness. So, "Gin&tonic", for what ever its worth, your question resonates in me in a certain way and I share a sense of loneliness with you. The only thing I can do is is make room in my existence for you by acknowledging your courage to ask this question and remember you. It may not be of much consequence or consolation to you, but in this action I beleive that at some level a connection is made and the barriers which loneliness brings are somehow weakened. In fact all the responses to your thread acknowledge you as a person whose thoughts are worth a response. Your courageous question has given an assurance to others that they are not the only ones who have to deal with this issue. By opening yourself up, you have cracked the walls of loneliness in yourself and in others. Not a bad impact to make on the world, eh?

That made feel really good; thank you.

 

[VICTORIADON]

If I get down I hug my dog.

 

[Alive and Free]

i guess the hope that things can get better.

 

[Invidious]

I think we all feel this way sometimes, and being shy certainly doesn't help it. As some of the others have said, sometimes you just find something else to take your mind off of it. Me, I tend to work on my car or play video games. And if that doesn't do it..I go out for a "spirited" drive, though I am sure my ins. agent wished I didn't do that so much.

 

[UncutAtlanta]

I live with it. Lived with it for 15 years. Enough said.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey G&T,

Mate...glad you're here talking about this...thats a huge thing to do! Good on you.

It doesnt matter where you are, how many people you are surrounded by, the size of your town or community, or what part of the country you live in. Being lonely is a personal state of mind, and you can feel it standing in a room of a 1000 people, a stadium with 100 000 people...or at home by yourself. And while we often think it - the grass is rarely greener on the other side if our state of mind prevents us from seeing it.

Mate...all of us feel lonely at times. You are in no way isolated feeling like this. If guys like christopher123, who is a popular genuine and considerate guy right here on these boards can feel lonely at times, its only further proof that at times its a normal state of mind (even I feel better knowing that!!!). We wonder about the directions our lives are going, the choices we have made and what the future holds for us...and if we let those things overwhelm us and let them take away our sense of self control its easy to feel isolated and lost. Loneliness is just part of the picture.

The good news is that just as loneliness is a personal state of mind, so is the solution. And like the problem the solution doesnt have to be about numbers - you dont need to know 100 people to get over this. You just have to take steps to realise your own value and worth. You have it...its in you. You just need to believe in yourself. For some people the inclusion of one deep real friendship or relationship ends a life time of loneliness.

So G&T, to me the first step is to figure out what you want. Are you seeking friendships or relationships? Theres a huge difference mate as you know and confusing them can cause all sorts of grief. Are you lonely for people to hang out with our someone to share your life with? One wont substitute for the other....

Then set yourself some goals. Small baby steps. Achievable goals that still take you just a little outside your comfort zone an inch at a time. No matter what your interests are others will share them. Actively search out groups who enjoy what you enjoy...thats the first step. Then call them. Then meet one of them - it gives you a point of contact and a crutch for the next step. Then go to a group meeting or get together.

Or use the same method to seek out a church group, sporting group or support group. The important thing is to start the process of allowing others into your life. You dont have to rush out and plunge right in...but you need to start. You dont need to make 10 good friends. 1 is a huge step!

Just remember though mate...we all get lonely. We all want more. And we are the only ones who can change the way we feel. You're never alone...especially since you're here!

 

[colemanshs]

Dude, lonliness is the story of my life. I think it is something that happens to everyone at one point in their life; it just takes others longer to get over. As soon as I find a cure for my lonliness I'll be sure to let you know what to do. Good luck.

 

[JamieFL]

So many of us lonely people out there. Not much that I do, but try and pretend that I'm not and put on a brave face for the world. If only all the lonely people could just pair off and not be lonely anymore. Shame it isn't so simple

 

[ladygrey]

I happen to love this qoute by Wayne Dyer:

"You're always alone, but you're only lonely when you don't like who you are alone with"

In other words, we are all alone. I mean, no matter who we are with or what we're doing, we are alone within ourselves. But where the feeling of lonliness comes in is where we aren't really comfortable with our selves. We fear and we judge ourselves. Often, we get so caught up in feeling lonely that we forget to live our lives.

So get out there. Do something. I mean, start doing something right. Do something new, something you've never done before. I don't what, but do it.

it could be as simple as ordering a new fav of ice cream...

but do something.

I also remember something a theripast said to me...

"sometimes, the most familiar and comfortable thing to us is sadness...and if we wish to experince another reality, we must learn to chose another path".

Either way, seek out answers.

Good luck.

 

[Kulindahr]

I happen to love this qoute by Wayne Dyer:

"You're always alone, but you're only lonely when you don't like who you are alone with"

In other words, we are all alone. I mean, no matter who we are with or what we're doing, we are alone within ourselves. But where the feeling of lonliness comes in is where we aren't really comfortable with our selves. We fear and we judge ourselves. Often, we get so caught up in feeling lonely that we forget to live our lives.

I seriously disagree with the Dyer quote. I'd say that's only true if other people are of no importance to you.
I have been almost nothing but lonely since I came out about a year and a quarter ago. Most of my family now considers I'm wicked and won't associate with me; most of my "friends" now pretend I don't exist. I don't really have anyone I can talk to.
And all of that happening felt like someone ripping great holes in me. The loneliness has been so great sometimes that I have trouble breathing, my chest hurts, and everything is a sort of gray fog.

Gin&Tonic, I don't know how I endure, sometimes; I just do. A couple of gay bars, over an hour away from me now, have become sort of "home", places I can flee to. A few people there know me, and even though they're just "bar friends", and not even close to filling the holes left by all the ones who dissed me, when they're there, they're there for me, for hugs, a beer, maybe a dance. So I affirm the idea of getting to some places, like bars; pick one or two that you feel comfortable in, and just meet some people. If by spring you can count a half dozen who will smile and holler at you when you walk in, you'll have made some good progress.
And meanwhile, find some group to get into, as well.

 

[kurtwild]

i know how it feels.i feel lonely very often.but why dont you just go to a gay club and get a guy?

 

[Kulindahr]

Like it was that easy -- "go to a gay club and get a guy" sounds kind of like "go to the store and get a pack of beer".

Besides which, in my case the closest gay bar is a hundred miles away, and the gay clubs are only for the 25 and under crowd.