Im loosing my mind

[Gooey45]

Hey guys i need some help solving this issue maybe some of you have been through it and can give me some insight.Ever since i was little i always thought i was gay guys naked make me horny.I never really fell in love with a guy until now
but the love i had for him is slowly going away. Whats replacing it is this lust over a girl in my job.

Everytime we work together we are just all over each other etc.. I love how she smells how she looks how she talks i just love her.I haven't asked her out yet because i want to see what happens if i try to have sex with a girl.I am a virgin in that department and dont know jack about what to do.


Will she make me horny enough to fuck her? can i get it up for her when the time comes? If it comes.Im so depressed because this is the first time i ever really looked at being straight or bi i would love to have a girl who can be there for me out int he open.I dont know whats wrong with me but lately thats my obsession i have to have a girlfriend and fuck women until i like it.But im not doing it because i dont want to be gay (in part it is but not the real reason).

I want to do this to explore who i am further why after so long would i be mumbling butterflies at all times around her the second she comes in it lights up my day we spend all night talking on the phone and i tell you i am falling for her.Or is it that im falling for the idea of being normal?

How should i do this. should i try to make her my first i know how to kick game to a girl i know women i love their bodies is just my dick dont respond to it im trying to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes me look at a good looking girl even if no one is around and she cant see me . Im so confused right now i feel like a freak i used to be so sure of myself because i gave head to a couple of dudes and what not but now i really dont want to chase after a guy i want a girl i want t hold them feel their skin be intimate im so lost and desperate please someone who has gone through this help me out.

let em say when this all started i went to the club with my friends met this girl my friends basicly pushed me to give her a ride home. After the ride me and her talked and i knew what was coming next shes there waiting for me to kiss her or do something she asks me if i want to stay over etc.. I felt like i am a big dissapointment because i was feeling her i wanted to make her feel good but was too afraid to try.My friends all laughed at me said i was a punk etc...I felt so bad because is not what they think of me that matters is the fact that the lie of being straight is going to crash and burn in my face one day unless i can overcome this barrier.why do i have friends who have fucked around with me but fuck girls too? why do i have friends who when around me alone get aroused but they have girlfriends is like dammit please god let me understand myself one more time i never thought i would feel like this but i want to be bi or straight i want to be aroused by women not to be like everyone else but because i feel i want a wife i want kids i want all that i dont want to go looking for dudes i dont want to live in anyway the gay lifestyle i just want peace of mind to know that i can have kids and raise them and have a wife who will be there for me . whats wrong with me?

 

[backpacker]

You appear to be in the "but I don't want to be gay" phase of denial/acceptance (I'm assuming you are gay based upon what you wrote). This is very normal and most of us have struggled with it. Some get married and have kids while others deal with it a little easier. The emotional side of you wants to be straight. You want to be like your friends. The peer pressure is getting to you. The logical side of you says I don't think I could even get it up for a girl.

It experimenting with a girl will make you feel better, then try it. Just don't lead the girl into thinking it's more than what it is. Make sure she's up for a one night fling that may or may not lead to something else. I think deep down you already know it's not for you. I'm really not trying to encourage you into sleeping with a woman, but I'm not trying to discourage you either.

Are you afraid your friends won't accept you if they find out you are gay? If that's the case, are they really your friends now if the revelation would create a problem?

If in fact you are gay, there is nothing you can do to change it. Just like you can't change your height or race. You shouldn't feel embarrassed about it, nor should you try to hide it. Think long and hard about your sexuality, then be true to it.

 

[Gooey45]

i get what you mean but it's not peer pressure and i wouldn't come out to them because i know their position on gays. Ive only come out to my best friend things happened and our friendship is about to crumble because we just know too much about each other hes changing into something he really isn't while im just waiting to see what happens with us.

Im at a stage where i know what i am i accept it but i wish that i would've experimented more with the opposite sex before i accepted being gay.
To give you more backround when i was younger i was a heavyset kd and not many girls paid any attention to me , about two years ago i started dieting going to the gym and im very fit now alot of girls have been paying attention to me and it makes me feel excited is just childish i suppose . I wish everyone was born pure bisexual so no one would have this type of anguish you could be with whoever you feel like.

 

[G-Lexington]

Calm down. A few points for you.

>>>thats my obsession i have to have a girlfriend and fuck women until i like it.

No. Either you want to have sex with women - or this particular woman - or you don't. If you do, great. If you don't, great. But you can't fuck yourself into being straight.

>>>the second she comes in it lights up my day we spend all night talking on the phone and i tell you i am falling for her.Or is it that im falling for the idea of being normal?

You seem to be trying to convince us, perhaps hoping to convince yourself. I don't know. I have some wonderful women in my life that I wouldn't trade for anything. Guess what? I'm still gay.

>>>i know women i love their bodies is just my dick dont respond to it

Ditto me. That's part of me being gay.

>>>I felt so bad because is not what they think of me that matters is the fact that the lie of being straight is going to crash and burn in my face one day unless i can overcome this barrier.

They're one and the same. If you REALLY don't care what they think of you, you'd be able to say, "I'm not going to be pressured into having sex with someone just because you think I should."

>>>i never thought i would feel like this but i want to be bi or straight i want to be aroused by women not to be like everyone else but because i feel i want a wife i want kids i want all that i dont want to go looking for dudes i dont want to live in anyway the gay lifestyle i just want peace of mind to know that i can have kids and raise them and have a wife who will be there for me . whats wrong with me?

I'd say you've bought into the myth. Read this out loud, and say it over and over again until you believe it, because it's absolutely 100% true.

There IS no "gay lifestyle".

Being gay means one - and only one - thing. You're turned on by guys. That's all. Absolutely everything else is optional. You want kids? You can have them. (Yes, you may have to choose your state of residence carefully, and it's a more protracted process, but you can have them.) You want to settle down with one person for the rest of your life? Lots of us have done that. You hate disco? No problem. You want to dress like a slob? Go for it. You want to drive a huge truck, drink beer, and scream at contact sports? No one's gonna stop you.

None of those things contradicts being gay. Because being gay is only one thing - being turned on by guys. That's it.

If you DO decide to "give women a try", DO let her know that it's your first time, and that you are questioning your sexuality. She's more apt to "take the wheel", as it were, and help you do what needs to be done. And she's more apt not to have her heart broken if it ends up it wasn't what you wanted after all.

Lex

 

[tonyboy]

You've got a problem friend. I don't know how to help you out in your particular case but here is another way to look at things.
You seem to be writing about what you want, what your needs are..... doesn't seem you care much about the your potential girl friend. You write you are all over each other.... that may be.... but is she is only interested in sex then why not go for it? Don't worry about getting a hard dick, if you are interested then it will happen. And if not, it won't.
But the larger point here is..... what if she wants more than sex. And not only here, but any other girls you might meet in the future? You just going to get all over them for a fling then decide you do like guys? And on the other hand, you just going to go out with guys at some point, let someone fall in love with you then decide you want to be with a woman?
Man, it's not all about you. You've got the other person to consider too. Yeah if you and your potential partners just want to fuck then I figure that's fine.
But always remember, that sometimes people fall in love.... even after a few dates or a bout of sex. And unless you know upfront what you and your partner are expecting then you owe it to yourself and them to be honest with yourself.
Just because you aren't quite settled on your sexuality doesn't mean the other person is not.
It's not all about you man. You've got to consider the other persons feelings too.

 

[boy0boy]

Dang I am almost just about in the same predicament!!!! I was a chubby kid too and now that I've finally become thin and now I get all this attention I'm not used to. Girls seem like they are more openly attracted to me. It's weird dealing with, when I was younger and girls would tell me they liked me I always responded with "I like you too," which usually ended with me not making the next move and them moving on. But it was my strategy to seem straight, and so I've never tried anything with girls to this day. But unlike you, I've never been seriously into a girl, and still haven't done anything with a guy. I guess I've just accepted being gay and kinda finally got out of the "I'm bi" stage.

So if I was in your position I would personally try it. I understand ALL of what you're going through, it's easier saying it than going through with it. I have a girl right now who is kinda into me and I just blow her off because I don't want to tell her that I'm gay. But she isn't my type, and yes I have a type of girl even though I'm gay. So in my position, if I found a girl that I was really into and she was really into me I would probably go for it if given the chance. I say its a result of wanting to be what everyone wants us to be. The feeling of possibly being "normal" is WAY too great for a gay guy who is still questioning his sexuality. I just finished that "stage" of accepting who I am and even though I've finally accepted my feelings, the chance of being with a girl who I liked and liked me is something I would have to try.

 

[backpacker]

i get what you mean but it's not peer pressure and i wouldn't come out to them because i know their position on gays. Ive only come out to my best friend things happened and our friendship is about to crumble because we just know too much about each other hes changing into something he really isn't while im just waiting to see what happens with us.

Im at a stage where i know what i am i accept it but i wish that i would've experimented more with the opposite sex before i accepted being gay.
To give you more backround when i was younger i was a heavyset kd and not many girls paid any attention to me , about two years ago i started dieting going to the gym and im very fit now alot of girls have been paying attention to me and it makes me feel excited is just childish i suppose . I wish everyone was born pure bisexual so no one would have this type of anguish you could be with whoever you feel like.

I'm so sorry that things aren't going well with your best friend. Sound like it's more of an issue with your best friend going through some things in his life and not really related to you being gay. Sometimes people do change and grow apart. It's very common for that to happen at your age. You may find that while he's still your friend, he may or may not be your best friend anymore. Things change, that's a fact of life.

There is a big difference between knowing what you are and accepting it. That's why I maintain that you are at the "but I don't want to be gay" phase. You know you are gay, but you really want the straight life. I understand that you truly believe you accept being gay, but your post screams that you don't. That appears to be your whole issue. Someone who truly accepts being gay doesn't entertain dating girls and wanting to get married to a woman. As I stated before, most of us go through this stage and it's perfectly normal. In fact denying we are in that phase is part of the phase. Don't worry about it too much, but be aware of it.

As far as the attention you get since getting in shape, everyone loves to get positive attention. That's human nature. I sometimes get hit on by woman or men that I'm not interested in. Even though I'm not interested, I'm always flattered. It's a great ego boast. You are getting an ego boast, but the problem is that it's creating some confusion for you.

I still don't see anything wrong with you trying being with a girl if you think you need that to be sure. Just make sure the girl knows what the deal is so that you don't lead her on and hurt her feelings.

You appear to be a normal guy struggling with some issues. I'm sure you will get it all worked out in due time and you will be fine.

 

[Gooey45]

thanks guys you all are great and you all are making me want to explore the reality of my sexuality.

I love seeing gay porn, i fantasize about doing certain things etc.. About a couple of years ago i tried to have full blown out sex with a guy things ended up in a mess.I panicked and to this day the furthest sexual activity done is give head.I dont want to receive head i dont want to be fucked i dont want to fuck you is just my personal preference.

the thought of fucking a man turns me on but when the man is their i just dont feel it is not a guilty feeling is more of a yuck feeling.

this weekend im going to atlantic city for two things win money and fuck a prostitute.Ill probably fuck a male escort too just to figure out what the fuck i want. wish me luck ill tell you what happens but as i type im talking to my friends about where the hoe spots are.

is not that im in denial i know guys turn me on is just that i feel i never gave girls a chance never touched a girl kissed her etc.. so i really never had any type of sexual contact with a girl except hugging etc... ill let ya know if i actually go through with it

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>the thought of fucking a man turns me on but when the man is their i just dont feel it is not a guilty feeling is more of a yuck feeling.

Yuck about what? The anal part? Maybe you've got the wrong idea there, too. Did you know that roughly 50% of all gay men "rarely" or "never" engage in anal sex? True. Yet another factoid for your "being gay doesn't mean..." file. If you don't want to do anal, don't. Easy as that.

>>>this weekend im going to atlantic city for two things win money and fuck a prostitute.Ill probably fuck a male escort too just to figure out what the fuck i want.

If you do go through with this, do the second part first...or you may not have enough money left for that. And play safe, damnit!

Lex

 

[NomineDetracto]

There IS no "gay lifestyle".

Being gay means one - and only one - thing. You're turned on by guys. That's all. Absolutely everything else is optional. You want kids? You can have them. (Yes, you may have to choose your state of residence carefully, and it's a more protracted process, but you can have them.) You want to settle down with one person for the rest of your life? Lots of us have done that. You hate disco? No problem. You want to dress like a slob? Go for it. You want to drive a huge truck, drink beer, and scream at contact sports? No one's gonna stop you.

None of those things contradicts being gay. Because being gay is only one thing - being turned on by guys. That's it.


Lex

 

[backpacker]

Nothing wrong with experimenting to make sure. I hate to see you go the high risk route with prostitutes. What about looking up the girl that you gave a ride home and wanted you to come in? What about going to a gay bar and picking up a guy who wants a little fun for the night? Both of these still carry risk, but not as high as a prostitute and will save you a little cash as well. No matter what you do, be sure to use condoms for everything, including oral sex.

 

[boy0boy]

yeah you might want to try a girl once because from what i hear, after you go fully on with a guy the idea of being with a girl fades even more.

as for the "yuck" thing i understand that too, when i was younger and jerked off to pics of guys it never failed when i was done, i didn't even want to see the pictures like shame maybe or i guess yeah 'yuck'.

probably a result of what we've been told and influenced by our whole lives, that being gay is wrong, well most of us... but now when i jack off and afterwards i'm fine with looking at the pics still or video hehe i guess took some getting used to

 

[Gooey45]

ok i wont go on the prostitute route i guess it is too risky imagine i get a std on my frist time with a girl or a guy he he that would suck.

i dont know today i went to the beach met some girls flirted with some of them got a little drunk wrote down some numbers i have some kind of list going on

as for the girl i gave the ride too she was a one day thing she lives in peru she was visiting her aunt she left two days after me and her had our moment i felt like i wanted to do it so much but i was afraid my genitals wouldnt work thats why i backed out because she was more mature than i was i am too afraid too fumble with a girl or a guy

 

[backpacker]

Good call on skipping the prostitutes.

I understand the anxiety that you are having with regard to performance issues. You have need to find a way to relax and let biology take over. As long as you are attracted to the person, everything should work. Just be sure to do a lot of foreplay until you rise to the occasion.