lamiejamie
On the Prowl
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2010
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- 55
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Hey everyone, I'm new to JUB! Well, I've browsed it as a regular lurker, but finally decided to join the forums.
So a little about myself I guess.. Well I basically repressed myself from having any fun/any sort of life in high school because I didn't want to accept the possibility that I was gay. I hide it from my family because I come from a very conservative/baptist background, and I know they wouldn't accept me (once my mom found a dirty mag in my bedroom and, well.... that's a WHOLE 'nother story
)
I think I finally accepted myself last summer... interestingly my grades in college shot up and I was happy for maybe the first time in 20 yrs. I then came out to an old high school buddy that I knew was lesbian, and we hit it off really well! It was great to be able to actually talk to a real person that was also gay. We had that in common, and I felt like just that was enough to keep our friendship going really strong. We would talk about being gay, coming out, our families, how it affects our lives, etc. I soon realized that I was growing more and more jealous of her "story" every time I heard it. Her family is very accepting and loving of her, and they have a great relationship.
Another friend sort of "came out" lesbian to us this last new year's, and so that was another friend I felt like I could be closer to. Well, she thought she was "maybe" lesbian. After that, we started talking more, and I found that she would get soooo angry/never want to really talk about the gay stuff. Maybe I bugged her about it too much? Being in the closet for 21 years I guess makes a person extra chatty... So my first lesbian friend hears about how I'm "giving her a hard time" and chews me out. The next thing I know, the first lesbian, her family, the second "lesbian" and all of her family are all against me and attacking me. Lesbian #1 think i'm too dirty and not everyone wants to talk about gay things and about sex. Lesbian #2 is sick of me pushing her towards being gay or something i guess... I can't tell.
I think I've peaked on my "happy" mountain and am on the way back down... Is this what being gay is like, full of drama and "friends" only halfway accepting you? I wish I had some friends who were also gay, and where were also men, so that I can talk to them about it.. Anyways, I decided to join here finally so I could maybe let off some steam (obviously) and meet some people... Ok well, I feel a little better already, time to finish it off with a shot...?
So a little about myself I guess.. Well I basically repressed myself from having any fun/any sort of life in high school because I didn't want to accept the possibility that I was gay. I hide it from my family because I come from a very conservative/baptist background, and I know they wouldn't accept me (once my mom found a dirty mag in my bedroom and, well.... that's a WHOLE 'nother story
)I think I finally accepted myself last summer... interestingly my grades in college shot up and I was happy for maybe the first time in 20 yrs. I then came out to an old high school buddy that I knew was lesbian, and we hit it off really well! It was great to be able to actually talk to a real person that was also gay. We had that in common, and I felt like just that was enough to keep our friendship going really strong. We would talk about being gay, coming out, our families, how it affects our lives, etc. I soon realized that I was growing more and more jealous of her "story" every time I heard it. Her family is very accepting and loving of her, and they have a great relationship.
Another friend sort of "came out" lesbian to us this last new year's, and so that was another friend I felt like I could be closer to. Well, she thought she was "maybe" lesbian. After that, we started talking more, and I found that she would get soooo angry/never want to really talk about the gay stuff. Maybe I bugged her about it too much? Being in the closet for 21 years I guess makes a person extra chatty... So my first lesbian friend hears about how I'm "giving her a hard time" and chews me out. The next thing I know, the first lesbian, her family, the second "lesbian" and all of her family are all against me and attacking me. Lesbian #1 think i'm too dirty and not everyone wants to talk about gay things and about sex. Lesbian #2 is sick of me pushing her towards being gay or something i guess... I can't tell.
I think I've peaked on my "happy" mountain and am on the way back down... Is this what being gay is like, full of drama and "friends" only halfway accepting you? I wish I had some friends who were also gay, and where were also men, so that I can talk to them about it.. Anyways, I decided to join here finally so I could maybe let off some steam (obviously) and meet some people... Ok well, I feel a little better already, time to finish it off with a shot...?
