"I'm Not Emotionally Attracted To Guys"

[D-Base]

Jaja, I had a guy like that... I even blogged about him here. He would identify himself as straight. He was an ex-basketball player, tall, handsome, huge... eyes. LOL.

He'd tell me that he prefers sex with a man (and was a bottom) but he'd say that he's not attracted to men emotionally and that he can't imagine having a relationship with a man.

He and his half-brother (also "straight") would invite guys for parties and have orgies LOL. I was invited to one but I pulled off in the last minute (I just wasn't ready for that)

I tried to get to know him more etc, tried floating around for a while but he was too weird and disturbed and eventually i just drifted away from him, we stopped talking and that's how it ended... looking back at it I'm not sorry things didn't work out.

 

[lawrenceal]

I'm not buying that. In general men just don't open up as much as women. I used to think that was only the case with straight men, but over time I came to see that gay men can be just as hard to connect with on an emotional level. But then, we are raised as males to not show much emotion, and when we do we are still often punished socially.
I didn't even like having male friends when I was younger because I found them so hard to talk to. They always seemed so...closed up compared to girls. And that got dull fast. Still does, quite frankly.

I kinda agree to this. I use to be able to communicate well with my younger brother. But these days, i had no idea how to even start a conversation with him. He thinks it is "cool" to not talk. Thats how his freinds potray him. I think society is also to be blame for this. The normal perception of society is that girls are the talkative/emotional kind not guys. On the other hand i have a much better relation to my sister. I was able to come out to her and have conversations on life or guys that i like.

 

[sunoftheskye]

I'm not buying that. In general men just don't open up as much as women. I used to think that was only the case with straight men, but over time I came to see that gay men can be just as hard to connect with on an emotional level. But then, we are raised as males to not show much emotion, and when we do we are still often punished socially.
I didn't even like having male friends when I was younger because I found them so hard to talk to. They always seemed so...closed up compared to girls. And that got dull fast. Still does, quite frankly.

I've kind of had the same problem. It's always been extremely easy for me to connect to women, but very difficult to connect to men, even gay men. It's easier with gay men than straight men, but still not as easy as with women. I can meet a woman for the first time and immediately feel comfortable and talk to her like I've known her forever. With men, even if they're my friends and I've known them for a while, it still feels awkward and strained.

 

[lawrenceal]

Not Emotionally attracted to a guy but sexually and refusing to label themselves is actually more common than we realize.
It is fairly common in the gay porn industry. This perhaps explains why some of the porn actors refuses to give out information about their sexual orientation or talk about them whether on their myspace pages or Interviews. Another reason is that they are fairly new to the whole experience. And perhaps very uncomfortable to simply label themselves and not prepared to bear responsibility for their labels. Perhaps in time they might be comfortable to finally be able to do so.

 

[lawrenceal]

I've kind of had the same problem. It's always been extremely easy for me to connect to women, but very difficult to connect to men, even gay men. It's easier with gay men than straight men, but still not as easy as with women. I can meet a woman for the first time and immediately feel comfortable and talk to her like I've known her forever. With men, even if they're my friends and I've known them for a while, it still feels awkward and strained.

I know what you mean. I have a good freind (straight male) whom i am very close too. Even though we know each other very well, sometimes i feel like talking to him = no talking to him because every time i ask for his opinion on certain things, he just said yes i agree with u and wost i dunno. And he's one of the well achieved students in school too (academicallly speaking)

 

[kingkhan]

I find this odd, b/c to me, it seems like it would be easier to be romantically attracted to the same sex rather than the opposite sex. Obviously the stereotypes don't always apply, especially not in every single category, but it seems like the same sex might have more common, communicate more efficiently, have similar interests, and get along better in general.

I find this to be true to an extent I find it way easier to talk to guys because we have similar interests and I used find it hard to talk to women I was attracted to I would get flustered . But, I think this guy needs to be honest with himself. For me I tend to be overall more attracted to women but, I love doing things with guys and would love to have an emotional connection with a guy because hookups are not my thing but, I can't say I have fallen for a guy though. And when I am in public guys usually catch my eye but, I am not in denial about my craving for guys.

 

[sunoftheskye]

I find this odd, b/c to me, it seems like it would be easier to be romantically attracted to the same sex rather than the opposite sex. Obviously the stereotypes don't always apply, especially not in every single category, but it seems like the same sex might have more common, communicate more efficiently, have similar interests, and get along better in general.

Actually, studies have shown that both men and women have better intimate relationships with women. So even though men may prefer the company of other men because they share similar personality traits or interests, they tend to have much more emotionally deep relationships with women and have difficulty sharing their feelings with other men.

 

[PabloZed]

Put me down for "most men don't open up as much as women, and are not as emotionally mature as women of the same age." I think its true of gay and straight men.

My roommate at university was everything but my lover. He sat next to me in every class, bought me gifts, took me on trips, even allowed me to kiss him (after he had taken me to a baseball game and then dinner. As far as I could tell it was a date). But the moment I opened my mouth to even say I liked him he would hush me up. Once when I tried to open up to him about something completely unrelated to him he said "I don't want to hear it." He is now happily married with kids, but yet when he calls me he will say, "do you miss me?"

And then there is the ex-bf who would not say what he liked, only what he disliked. So the relationship was basically a guessing game. He actually once said, "you know what I like." That is when I wanted to choke him.
In contrast, one of my best friends Ally is married with kids and I probably know her as well if not better than her husband (because I know what she says about him). She once told me about catching one of her boys beating off. Sometimes I think, "sheesh, woman, keep something to yourself."

But that may be the real divide between men who love men. There is an emotional gap that two men find difficult to bridge because one of them is unable to open up to another man. Two brothers or friends can survive the divide because there is no intimacy between them and each understands there is some right to keep part of them private. There should be little private between lovers and therein lies the problem.

 

[Dduder]

I am incapable of love. I'm like a machine. Last year, one of my best friends from childhood died in a car crash and I felt nothing. I know I should have. But I didn't. I doubt that I will ever fall in love with anyone from either gender. I have a very cold, logical and objective mind. This is probably the reason why I wanted to study the hard sciences in college. I wanted to get a double major in physics and computer engineering, but I thought it was too nerdy so I opted for medicine. Still nerdy, but less freaky.

 

[TygreBryte]

I am incapable of love. I'm like a machine. Last year, one of my best friends from childhood died in a car crash and I felt nothing. I know I should have. But I didn't. I doubt that I will ever fall in love with anyone from either gender. I have a very cold, logical and objective mind. This is probably the reason why I wanted to study the hard sciences in college. I wanted to get a double major in physics and computer engineering, but I thought it was too nerdy so I opted for medicine. Still nerdy, but less freaky.

Now here, you might have hit the nail on the head.

The fact that someone who is in medical school could write this paragraph is not comforting to me.

You put a frowny-emoticon at the end of this post. There might be a ray of hope for you yet. If it really distresses you that you are not able to feel love (and I imagine that would be distressing), there may very well be some things you can do to alter that situation.

 

[TX-Beau]

I am incapable of love. I'm like a machine. Last year, one of my best friends from childhood died in a car crash and I felt nothing. I know I should have. But I didn't. I doubt that I will ever fall in love with anyone from either gender. I have a very cold, logical and objective mind. This is probably the reason why I wanted to study the hard sciences in college. I wanted to get a double major in physics and computer engineering, but I thought it was too nerdy so I opted for medicine. Still nerdy, but less freaky.

Or you're just repressed.

 

[Alpha1851]

Now here, you might have hit the nail on the head.

The fact that someone who is in medical school could write this paragraph is not comforting to me.

You put a frowny-emoticon at the end of this post. There might be a ray of hope for you yet. If it really distresses you that you are not able to feel love (and I imagine that would be distressing), there may very well be some things you can do to alter that situation.

Or you're just repressed.

Oh, please. There's nothing wrong w/ being cold and logical. Many of us are that way.

For those of you who stated that women are more open to communication and intimacy (or whatever) than men, what exactly do you mean? Are you stating that a male partner is less likely to want to hear about your day? To want to gaze into your eyes? To say I love you? I'm a little confused by the phrasing.

 

[G-Lexington]

It's nice to know some people still believe that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Sorry, still not buying it.

Lex

 

[BabiGayPimp]

He's going to wind up, twenty years from now, lurking in a filthy public toilet looking for anonymous sex because that the only kind of male-to-male affection he's capable of. Extremely sad. But, I guess that's life.

 

[TX-Beau]

Oh, please. There's nothing wrong w/ being cold and logical. Many of us are that way.

Yeah well, when you're dealing with men who like men, men who think they might like men, men who are dating women to cure themselves from liking men; a great majority of the time it's not that you're "cold and logical," it's that you're sacred and terrified and if you can't love, it's because you can't allow yourself to love who you want to love. Not because you're the android from star trek. This isn't even original, it's the story of a huge percentage of us.

Occam's Razor, what's the simplest explanation, a human with no emotions, or a human afraid of his emotions?

 

[TX-Beau]

He's going to wind up, twenty years from now, lurking in a filthy public toilet looking for anonymous sex because that the only kind of male-to-male affection he's capable of. Extremely sad. But, I guess that's life.

So true.

Don't forget the "wide stance."

 

[Alpha1851]

Yeah well, when you're dealing with men who like men, men who think they might like men, men who are dating women to cure themselves from liking men; a great majority of the time it's not that you're "cold and logical," it's that you're sacred and terrified and if you can't love, it's because you can't allow yourself to love who you want to love. Not because you're the android from star trek. This isn't even original, it's the story of a huge percentage of us.

Occam's Razor, what's the simplest explanation, a human with no emotions, or a human afraid of his emotions?

Fair enough, but that's not what Dduder expressed at all. He just said that he doesn't love either gender, doesn't believe he ever will, and didn't even react when his friend died. I don't see how that fact pattern translates into fear over whether the guy will make a good doctor later in life, or a repression of his sexuality. Now, if you're remark came after his whole "I would fuck Zack Renfro (Enfro?) but I'm not gay," then I'd chuckle and agree. But lack of emotion, doesn't nec. mean that someone is afraid to come to terms. I can't help but think that some of you are pushing your feelings, life experiences, and hangups onto other people. I'm personally unemotional, and I'm certainly not trying to hide, suppress, or repress my sexuality. Obviously not everyone is a feeler.

If you follow your logic, coupled w/ some of the JUBBERS' assertions that men are closed off emotionally, then every single man on this planet would really be gay and would be repressing that desire.

I'm still curious as to what some of you aren't getting in your male relationships that creates the idea that women are more open to an emotional connection. I guess I just don't see that big a difference btwn the genders and would like to "hear" a different viewpoint. But one that's more specific.

 

[AngelFromAbove]

I'm still curious as to what some of you aren't getting in your male relationships that creates the idea that women are more open to an emotional connection. I guess I just don't see that big a difference btwn the genders and would like to "hear" a different viewpoint. But one that's more specific.

Men tend to express their emotions differently, in terms of mannerisms and/or timing. It's not that men are incapable of being emotional in the same way as women; it's just that men are socialized in a different way than women. In my personal experience, once I've gotten to know men, they become less guarded and more open to self-expression. Does that help?

 

[sunoftheskye]

It's nice to know some people still believe that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. Sorry, still not buying it.

Lex

Well, not exactly. Gender is largely a social construction. So there are differences between the two sexes, but I think they're mostly based on how we're affected by our environment. Personal experiences don't really lie.

 

[sunoftheskye]

I'm still curious as to what some of you aren't getting in your male relationships that creates the idea that women are more open to an emotional connection. I guess I just don't see that big a difference btwn the genders and would like to "hear" a different viewpoint. But one that's more specific.

Women are just a lot more comfortable telling people how they feel about things, and in general I've found them to be much more effective communicators. Women tend to have more intimate relationships, and there's research to back that up.