Been reading JUB on and off for over a year now, but only joined tonight. Reading this post was like reading a summary of my life, pretty crazy!! I like men and women for all different reasons and at all different times. Glad to know there are other guys out there who are struggling with the same stuff, but I definitely sympathize with how stressful and anxious the uncertainty of it all can be.
I've been beating myself up about this a lot lately. Basically over the last year or so, I've come to terms and come to being comfortable with the fact that I'm bisexual. It used to be something I was ashamed of and hid from everyone, but now most of my family and my friends know. And it felt great to get it out there and not have to lie to people or cover my tracks/live a life of secrecy. Like the original poster, i also beat off to usually gay porn, and I've only felt something serious for a guy once, though he was my first gay experience, which may have had something to do with it.
So I guess I haven't been with too many girls in recent months and all of the sudden I meet this girl - drop dead gorgeous, sweet, really nice, the whole package ( though I wish she was funnier, I find humor really attractive). But anyway, there should be no problem here. But immediately, even before our first date, I'm extremely nervous and doubting myself - mainly: will I be able to get it up when we're hook up? I had an issue with it with the last girl I hooked up with. I was worried about the same thing then. And of course...the first time we have a serious hookup....nothing. She's super into me and I so badly want to be super into her but I can't stop worrying about this. I feel like it was just my nerves getting the best of me and i just psyched myself out way too much. I know I need to just live in the moment and ENJOY it...the feeling of being close and intimate with someone, but in my head I was having a fucking panic attack. Of course I never have any problem getting it up with guys, I think just because it's way more comfortable. I cannot get comfortable with this girl. She's also a few years older, which doesn't help.
But it gets me thinking about broader things, like maybe I am gay. Cause if I was really attracted to women I would have no problem just bringing her home and plowing her. She's fucking beautiful. So anyway, I think I would be fine with being gay if it was something i truly felt....but it's not. My friend says I need to accept the possibility that I might be gay...just be at peace with all possibilities, and then whatever happens, whether i am gay or realize i like women more, it will be okay. He says I fear that possibility, which I suppose is true on some level, but not because of what friends and family think, rather because it's not what I feel is true. I don't feel it in my heart 100%. Yes I have a strong physical attraction to guys, rarely emotional. But I feel a lot for women too. But maybe I'm just fooling myself??
So I don't know, the whole thing has been cycling over in my head all day, day after day, really starting to stress and bum me out. I just want to live a happy life, but I can't even be happy because I'm so uncertain of myself and my sexuality. I like versatileplayer's advice to just roll with it and do whatever, but it's almost not that simple. People demand labels and explanations and in some ways they have a right too - especially if it's their feelings that have potential to be hurt. I'm only 23, which I know is pretty young, but I feel like I should know who I am. I'm so envious of all my friends, straight and gay, because they know 100% what they want, and I'm seriously so confused.
Sorry for the long and convoluted post. Needed to vent, I guess. In summary, I definitely sympathize with you, LIkesDudes22. Some of the advice being posted is good stuff. Thanks guys.
](/images/smilies/bang.gif "Brick wall ](*,)")
I've in no way figured anything out - for anyone - least of all me. 
. I sometimes wish I had a friend like you.
