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I'm Probs Being Crazy

W

Wyzeguy

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So as the title indicates, I'm probably being a little crazy. I've been seeing a guy for a couple months and we recently (within the last two months) decided to make it exclusive. We had been prior to that but hadn't had the conversation etc. etc. blah blah blah. Anyway, i feel like we're in a pretty good place. It took us a while to really get serious because we met at work and we were both a little hesitant about getting involved with a coworker but it just happened anyway.

We both work in banking. I'm 26 and I work in compliance, he's 23 and he's a teller at the moment. Our paths don't cross very often at work so that hasn't been an issue. Recently, however, he told me that he's thinking of picking up a part-time job. Obviously this is no big deal, I bar tend a few nights a week at a semi-casual restaurant in the area. Nice tips, easy orders, lots of families and older couples, it's really low key. Given that he's in an entry level position I know that he probably needs the extra cash even more than I do. However, the job he's getting makes me a little nervous. His friend found him a gig working as a shot boy at a gay club. Basically he's going to walk around the club in a jock strap selling shots. I know it's really lame of me but it kind of worries me.

I'm trying really hard not to say anything because I don't really think I have the right to comment on these sort of choices. I've got nothing against the whole bar/club scene. I'm just not crazy about strangers groping my boyfriend's package all night. Also drinking with the customers is a part of that job and...well...things happen. I want to be all laid back about it but I'm struggling with it. Does anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences?
 
I think the not-teenage-girl thing to do here is to simply have a talk with him. Not doom and gloom, but serious. Just let him know this job makes you kinda nervous, and that you would feel safer if you know he'd be completely honest with you should anything happen. Don't make him promise you that nothing will, because nobody can promise that, and it's an invitation to keeping secrets. But if you're exclusive, then you should trust him not to pursue anything, and the only thing you could really do is make him feel confident that he can share with you if there are problems and you wouldn't blow up.

As for clients groping him, that's none of your business really. It's a job, a few pinches here and there don't really mean anything.
 
I know that talking about it is the thing to do. I'm just hesitant because we're still in what i consider to be a pretty early stage of an actual "relationship" I don't want to come off as crowding or controlling at all. I guess i"m not sure if i have a right to comment at this stage, but at the same time i feel really strongly about it because i really like him.
 
I'd be nuts over this. There are other jobs for chrissake. I wouldn't be able to tolerate that level of anxiety. That's me. It would have been a different story had he had this job when you met him.
 
In the interest of fairness I should say that we living Jersey and honestly, the job market is not great so he's lucky to have found something that works, time wise, alongside his fulltime job. Also the money is pretty good and he's younger than me. He's just out of college and I graduated a three years ago and am a little higher on the pay scale so I don't want to stop him from earning money. The content of the job does bother me, and the hours, he's basically working every night that a normal person would want to go out, which is a bummer.
 
Only time will tell how it plays out. I hope it works out well for you both.
 
When I met "My" Kev, 30yr. ago, he was a very popular bartender on the Gay scene. And, I have to admit, the idea that he could be such a "slut puppy" was one of the things that turned me ON about Him! :badgrin:

However, once we became an "item", it turned out he was more prudent about it than I was! :cool:

His job, at the time, was "Just" a Job! It was the way he was making some bucks! Didn't mean anything more than that. ..|

I'm hoping your Guy is looking at it the same way too. And, he may likely is. :D

Still ... I'd have a little chat. Get everything out in the open, and cleared away. It could be good for both of you to establish just what any "boundaries" might be. (group)

Keep smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
Wyzeguy said:
I know that talking about it is the thing to do. I'm just hesitant because we're still in what i consider to be a pretty early stage of an actual "relationship" I don't want to come off as crowding or controlling at all. I guess i"m not sure if i have a right to comment at this stage, but at the same time i feel really strongly about it because i really like him.
Click to expand...

Tell him THAT. Exactly that. You don't feel it's your right to be controlling or anything of the sort, but it would make you nervous, so you'd jut like to talk about it. I don't think that's an inappropriate stance if you've already established exclusivity.
 
You're completely right, i guess I just needed a little confirmation. Also i'm secretly hoping that he'll just hate this job and quit? I mean I always thought of him as kind of shy so this is sort of a weird turn.
 
There's nothing wrong with letting him know your thoughts and feelings. What has he been saying about this? I could understand him being excited by it just for the comic book nature of being banker by day and jockstrap boy by night.
 
That's pretty accurate. He finds the dichotomy totally hilarious. I mean objectively speaking I would agree. If he was an acquaintance rather than a person I'm involved with I would get a ton of mileage telling my friends about that bank teller/shot boy because it's amusing. As it is, and I know this is terrible, I'm a little embarrassed to tell my friends about his side job. The only real context in which we've talked about it seriously is when i warned him to keep it to himself at work. We work for the kind of company where that sort of information could be damaging. Neither of us plan to make a career there but still, no use taking chances.
 
I'm not sure of the legal ramifications but I was wondering about that given the conservative nature of the banking profession. I guess it could cost him his job just being tagged on Facebook. Who knows? This could end up being more lucrative.

Keep us posted. I, for one, am intrigued. I hope it doesn't drive you nuts.
 
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