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Im seeking some advice on a guy ive been seeing for a while.. Im lost!

You're looking for love, he isn't. He told you as much and he is showing you that by his online activity.
 
I spoke with him a bit about it. it wanst great, and we still have some talking to do. He explained, again, that that kind of question isnt good. (whether or not hes had sex) He said that if he had told me he had not been with anyone then it would mean we were together(which i dont quite understand, I understand he isnt interested in being commited, but just because he hasnt had sex with anyone else since hes been seeing me doesnt mean we would be officially together or anyting, right??)
I explained that it didnt mean that at all. He finally told me that he had NOT had sex since we were spending time together... but this is copy and paste of how it was said.. "as far as what i am doing.. i never fucked anyone since we started spending serious time together.. but i am going to have sex in new york now.." A give and take. It makes me feel good, about him not having sex. I like the fact that he respected me enough not to. But then he threatened me with doing so in NY. I called him. He said it wasnt a threat and thats not the way he ment it. oh really?? How Sooo? It WAS a threat and he said it to hurt my feelings.. It did. Man, I really hate this shit..
 
marcag89 said:
I spoke with him a bit about it. it wanst great, and we still have some talking to do. He explained, again, that that kind of question isnt good. (whether or not hes had sex) He said that if he had told me he had not been with anyone then it would mean we were together(which i dont quite understand, I understand he isnt interested in being commited, but just because he hasnt had sex with anyone else since hes been seeing me doesnt mean we would be officially together or anyting, right??)
I explained that it didnt mean that at all. He finally told me that he had NOT had sex since we were spending time together... but this is copy and paste of how it was said.. "as far as what i am doing.. i never fucked anyone since we started spending serious time together.. but i am going to have sex in new york now.." A give and take. It makes me feel good, about him not having sex. I like the fact that he respected me enough not to. But then he threatened me with doing so in NY. I called him. He said it wasnt a threat and thats not the way he ment it. oh really?? How Sooo? It WAS a threat and he said it to hurt my feelings.. It did. Man, I really hate this shit..
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I don't see it as a threat. I see it more as a statement of what he's going to do. You have to decide if you are going to put up with this or not.
 
The point is, I know he said it to hurt me. As if I drove him to have sex. He said that he wasnt going to have sex in NY before he left.
 
marcag89 said:
The point is, I know he said it to hurt me. As if I drove him to have sex. He said that he wasnt going to have sex in NY before he left.
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I see that now. I would move on then. You don't deserve this shit.
 
I dont. I guess i asked for it. I should've just left it alone.. He said he didnt respond well to being cornered. That wanst what i was trying to do, but i guess thats what i did.
 
Why are you torturing yourself with all of this?
 
look. He fully intended to have sex in NY. He didn't change his A4A profile to buy Girl Scout cookies for Christ's sake. You obviously didn't trust him or you wouldn't have checked his A4A account and he had to have known you were going to check it. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck.......it's a fucking duck. I don't want to be mean or bust on you but you need to step back and look at this with your eyes open as wide as they can be. Do his actions and his words sound like someone that is looking for a relationship? The answer is clearly NO. Your looking for something more than he wants and is willing to give. You want it so bad that your willing to justify his actions and turn it around into blaming yourself when it goes wrong. Him saying he was going to have sex because you cornered him. Utter BS. Nothing more than a convenient excuse and you blame yourself for causing it. That's messed up. You need to end this. You are not capable of being "just friends" with him. It wont work. Your always going to be wondering why he isn't with you, who he's with, what their doing etc. You will hang on in the hopes that he will change his mind and something more serious will develop. It's not going to happen and you will have invested a huge part of your life for nothing. Your heart is hurting now. Imagine how much worse it is going to be after a few months or years. I know it's not easy to walk away. I've been there. But sometimes it's the best thing to do.

Steven.
 
KaraBulut said:
Why are you torturing yourself with all of this?
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marcag89 said:
I dont know... I really have no idea how to answer that...
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This may be one of those "coffee" threads that occur every now and then where there's a lot of really good advice given but it isn't taken. There's never an obligation to take the advice but it is frustrating when the situation continues.

There's something going on here and it's not about his cheating or about getting to the truth. It's not clear whether you're wanting him to say that he's not cheating because that implies that there is a commitment. Or maybe this is triggering some underlying insecurity.

The problem here is that either you trust him or you don't. And he's giving you reasons not to trust him. You are giving him a clear picture of what to do to drive you away. And it's often easier to cheat, be sloppy and get caught in order to drive the other person away than to have a big confrontation. And that may be where you're headed.

It's not a healthy situation for anyone.
 
OK I have lumbered through all of this. Here is your situation,
you have both met, he LIKES you, you LOVE him and in the process are becoming possessive. He is NOT into committment and does not want to lie to you. I will keep it short, it aint gonna work.
Book it out to exp. and move on, good luck and keep your chin up. (i was going to say stay +ive)
 
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