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i'm so Confused

so i dont have a boyfriend lol but its weird
he isnt out at all cause he says he doesnt know if he is gay yet but he wants to be with me he constantly tells me he loves me and he wants to fool arounf and go out on dates but he doesnt want anyone to know
 
^ > Would it be accurate to say the part about confusion is history now?....... :p:p
 
Be there as a friend, as you always have, but don't put your life on hold for him, that is for sure.
 
Things seem to be moving along nicely.

Just make sure they keep moving along.

By that I mean that it's clear he's not totally accepting of his own sexuality. So he could back off at any time. If he does you need to just leave him alone and let him figure out his life ( in the meantime, you could be a role model by showing him how happy you are being out and proud).

For now, enjoy! Congrats!
 
This is great!!!! Next time please make sure it goes all the way because the confused ones can get very complicated trust me. Do no take your time with him because it takes years for a "str8" guy to come out and realize that they are gay before they are ready to date at this point in his life it will be a waste of time to think it will go any further, i am sorry this is the truth.
 
so he came over today to "talk"
he basically said hes confused about everything his sexuality his feelings for me etc he said he still thinks he likes girls and he wants to get married and have kids but he cant stop thinking about me and how much he wants to do more then just kiss but he said everytime he cums after thinking about guys he feels disgusted so he doesnt know what to think.
then he told me that he didnt want me to see other guys BUT he doesnt want a relationship with me coz hes scared of what people will think
 
^oh, poor guy! I've been where he is. It ain't pretty.

Just be careful and take care of yourself. Don't let him push you into unreasonable corners. Like requiring you to be monogamous but not dating you, LOL.

You might have to slowly push and drag him into self acceptance. But it's going to be a bumpy ride. This will test your love for each other.

Hope it works out; keep us updated. (*8*)
 
DownUnder89 said:
..then he told me that he didnt want me to see other guys BUT he doesnt want a relationship with me coz hes scared of what people will think
Click to expand...

Because it's a good time to repeat it:
KaraBulut said:
And it's time that you found a boyfriend and started moving forward with dating and all the things that are part of being gay.
Click to expand...
 
i feel like i am in a relationship i mean we go out together all the time (dinner, Movies) we talk on the phone and txt all night long we sleep over each others houses in the same bed now we make out as well lol i want him to be open about it but if he cant do it is it wrong for me to be ok with it? its not like i have guys beating down my door and Cal is my best friend he knows me better then anyone and i really really like him

god im more confused them ever
 
I don't think it's "wrong", but I wouldn't waste too much time with this guy or you will more than likely regret it. You'll probably start to resent him at some point because he's not out and he may resent you because he may feel like you are pressuring him to come out (which I think you should be doing if he wants to be in a relationship with you) and I don't think you want to ruin a friendship over this.

It could turn into a relationship at some point, but how many years do you want to wait for that to happen?
 
im not going to pressure him at all !
and i want him in my life forever wether as a friend or lover
 
DownUnder89 said:
im not going to pressure him at all !
and i want him in my life forever wether as a friend or lover
Click to expand...

A little pressure, just a little, would probably be a good thing. First, you need to make it clear to him that you definitely want to do more with him. Second, he may need a little encouraging to take the next step. A gentle push, so to speak. Bring it up when you guys are together. If he doesn't bit, drop it until another time. When you are sleeping over, suggest jerking off together. If he says no, don't push him. You may want to ask him if he minds if you jerk off. I think you get the idea. Don't push him to do anything he isn't comfortable with, but definitely make suggestions. He has already shown you a video of him jerking off, so jerking off together is just raising the bar a little bit. Good luck!
 
i don't really want to rush the physical stuff
i've told him that whenever hes ready im ready and that there is no rush coz im not going anywhere (that was when he told me he wasnt ready for the real deal but didnt want me to see other poeple)
 
just a quick update for anyone who cares lol
he told me he loved me he said he is still confused bout everything but thats one thing he's sure of


: ) YAY!
 
Kind in the same boat as your friend, might be able to hep you see through his eyes on what im feeling.*Please Note;friend could feel completely different, be completely different from me* I'm just coming to terms that im actually probably gay if not, bi. Right now even though I believe I would be happier with a male, im scared of death of it. Its having my world turn upside down, everything I use to base my life of is now gone.

(something I thought of better explaining my situation to friends in future)
Like getting your arm blown off, at first your like HOLY SHIT my arm.... Then you get one those plastic arms, Its a cover. everyone still thinks you have an arm, but deep down inside you know its not the same. Then theres a metal auto-arm that is just like a real arm but better. Though the process of getting it takes a lot of hard work, and requires support. Its scarey to think of how long it might take and how much pain your going suffer. Your going to feel why did have to get my arm blown off, why did I have to realize that, why should I have to go through this when I know a cover is so much easier.

What is helping me and might help your best friend/lover come to terms with really accepting im bi/gay and making it feel less "wrong." is by looking at gay stereotypes.I compare those to by past to see if there any connections that I never noticed, for example, always good at dancing,ST=gays are good at dancing. Never felt un-comfortable being close to guys. I know stereotypes are mostly un-true but its just making the "gay life-style" seem less scary and make it seem more like reality.

Well to stop from ranting on, just remember OP you probably been in his shoes before and remember how scary it was for you. Just remember that he loves you and how much courage that must of taken him to say that for the first time towards a guy. Even if things dont work out, try not to see it as waste of time. See it as you being there for your best friend and helping him when he needed your friendship the most. Hope this helps some, I know I really cant talk much but any of this stuff cause its still so new to me.
 
I think confused guys just need reassurance. When I was confused and in the closet, all I needed was one person to come into my life to show me that being gay was a great thing. That person came for me and changed my life. I believe you could be that person for him. Show him your own confidence in your sexuality. Reassure him that if he does decide to come out that no matter what the aftermath is, you'll be there every step of the way for him. Remind him that you'll always be his friend first no matter what.

If you two do take the leap to relationship status after those hurdles have been cleared, and he's still talking about wanting kids someday, run the options by him of adoption and in-vitro fertilization.

His confidence is likely to waver at times during the varying steps of the process, so be there for him to pick him up if he gets down. I believe you are doing the right thing by waiting to get physical, it would probably be good to wait until he becomes more accepting of his sexuality.

I really hope everything works out for the both of you. You sound so cute together. lol
 
DownUnder89 said:
just a quick update for anyone who cares lol
he told me he loved me he said he is still confused bout everything but thats one thing he's sure of


: ) YAY!
Click to expand...
Yay is right. Progress!

I will grant that he might be confused--coming out to ones self is confusing, that's for sure. But, in gay-speak, when you ask someone at this stage if he's gay and he says (as he did) "I don't know"--that means yes. If he says "I don't know" when asked if he wants to make it with a guy, that means yes too. Straight men don't say "don't know" if they're straight or gay--they know and tell you firmly if asked. Gay guys, who are "confused," are the ones who "don't know." That doesn't mean you're going to get anywhere until they're ready--which is right and proper--but "don't know" doesn't mean they literally don't know.

You've got an interesting thing going on. Let us know what happens. He's lucky to have you to guide and nurture and give him confidence on this thing. Many would have left him in the dust weeks ago.
 
He's gay or bisexual, and he's working through these feelings. Chances are, he may realize his sexuality because of you, or completely do a 180 and break your heart. Ultimately, you're both young, and this isn't going to work out for the rest of your lives.

Best case scenario: He realizes he's gay, becomes your boyfriend, and the two of you spend a life together for 1-5 years. You'll go through all his drama of coming out to his friends and family. You're in for a roller coaster of a ride as he figures himself out. On the plus side, you'll have lots and lots of sex and love with the hottest guy in your life. Enjoy the romance of your youth.

Worst case scenario: He reverts back to being "straight." He'll get a girlfriend, shut you out, and you'll be heartbroken. This may happen quickly, or drag out for months. You'll be a psychological mess by the end of it, and this thread will span 12 pages.
 
soooo just thought id update everyone

didnt go quite as i hoped it would lol we rushed into it all we had about a week and a half of really hot non stop sex then i told him i loved him and wanted to be with him and he said he was still not comfortable beng out cause he isnt gay

anyway we are just friends now and he has a gf :( buts its not the same as before before because it kills me to see him with her
 
I'm sorry it didn't go exactly like you wanted. At least you went for it and you're not wondering "what if". You also had some hot sex. One thing is for sure, he's not straight. He may bi or gay and clearly isn't comfortable with it. There is nothing you can do until he accepts it. It can take some guys decades to accept it. Furthermore, if he bi he can always choose to focus on just women. The best thing you can do is keep him as a friend and find a new love interest. Good luck! Thanks for the update.
 
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